JEAN M. TWENGE, PhD: “Is Donald Trump Actually Insecure Underneath?”

I’m often asked how you can spot a narcissist. Here’s my standard list:

  • Brag or show off
  • Name-dropping
  • Name brands or flashy possessions
  • Look at themselves in the mirror a lot
  • Turn the conversation back to him/herself
  • Insults others
  • Declarations about being the “best” or “great” without details
  • Emphasizes his/her status

I wrote that list two years ago — long before Donald Trump started running for president. Yet it could have been written just for him. As others have pointed out, the Donald is a textbook case of narcissistic personality. He is clearly functioning well and thus can’t be classified as having narcissistic personality disorder, the clinical-level form, which by definition only describes someone whose traits are causing them difficulty. Trump, instead, displays narcissism as a personality trait — the type we focus on in The Narcissism Epidemic.

Here’s the question: Is Trump’s narcissism a cover for insecurity? This is known as the “mask model” — the idea that grandiose narcissism is a show to distract people from the deep psychic pain underneath. A recent piece in Time made this claim, arguing that Trump is trying to cover for a “profound insecurity and lack of self-esteem.”

Here’s the problem: At least for grandiose narcissism like Trump’s, there’s no evidence that the mask model is true. Narcissists have high self-esteem on average, not low, and the most aggressive people are those with both high narcissism and high self-esteem. Children who become narcissistic are not those shamed by their parents, but those told they are special.

Perhaps the best evidence comes from studies measuring self-esteem in a subtle way, such as with an implicit self-esteem measure recording people’s reaction time in pairing words like “I” and “me” with words like “bad” and “good.” People who score high on grandiose narcissism also score high on implicit self-esteem. In other words, deep down inside, narcissists think they are awesome.

This is also just plain common sense: Does Trump really seem like he is insecure underneath? Does he seem to be in a state of psychic pain, or even covering for one? No — he’s having the time of his life. So why does he seem to crave all of the attention and adulation? The Time article argues that Trump is trying to fill a deep “psychic hole.”

I have a more straightforward explanation: He likes all of the attention because he thinks he deserves it. It’s never enough not because of psychic pain, but because he thinks everyone should pay attention to him. Attention is fun and gratifying; it has nothing to do with insecurity.

Why the Mask Model of Narcissism Is Dangerous

I will go further: I think it’s dangerous to believe that narcissists are insecure underneath. Not only is it not supported by empirical evidence, but it promotes the idea that the way to deal with narcissists is to boost their self-esteem and heal their “wounds” through more love and affection. This is like suggesting that the way to cure obesity is by giving everyone more doughnuts. The narcissistic person who ruins relationships through his self-centeredness does not need more love or attention — he needs to get kicked to the curb. The young adult who takes advantage of everyone around her does not need her self-esteem boosted — she needs to learn responsibility.

Narcissism is known as the “disease that hurts other people,” and the cure for it is real life — losing a relationship because of selfishness, losing a job because you’ve alienated people. Yes, we should try to understand narcissists and realize that their behavior is explained by this personality trait. But that does not mean we should believe that they are actually insecure — that myth undermines our understanding of narcissism because it presumes that it’s only skin-deep.

Many, many people have been hurt in relationships with narcissists by believing that they can change the person with more love. If only that were true — but sadly, most of the time, it’s not. We can have empathy for people with narcissistic traits, but that does not mean we have to believe they are suffering underneath. Most of the time, they are making other people suffer. They won’t suffer themselves until bad things start happening to them, often as a consequence of their narcissism. It is sad, but it is not due to insecurity.

Trump is not insecure. We should not be looking for the source of his “psychic pain” or expect that someday he will break down and show his true, doubting self. He really does think that he’s that great, and that his ideas are that great. If we believe otherwise — about him or anyone else with these traits — we risk underestimating the true power of the narcissist.

 

~via PsychologyToday.com

MATEO SOL: “6 Ways You Hinder Your Self-Growth Without Knowing It”

Our “self-esteem” is a very delicate illusion. We are so off-centered when it comes to locating the origin of our self-worth, that the smallest realization of an imperfection in ourselves can bring up all kinds of insecurities.

When a person begins working with their soul, they will start through self-exploration to gain energy, vitality, and clarity. They will also, however, notice the ‘shock’ of beginning to see their own unconscious selves and their deep inner fragmentation (e.g: all your sub-personalities).

These contradictions within ourselves that speak of who we truly are beyond the social and cultural conditioning in our lives, are humbling, but more importantly, they can also be disturbing. If we were to discover and consciously become aware of all these contradictions at once, the shock would be so great we would most likely go insane.

Our brains have a limited capacity to process all the intellectual and sensory information that we encounter at any given moment, and because of this the unconscious mind exists. In essence, the unconscious mind is a psychological “buffer” which is a part of the brain that stores all the unprocessed information the conscious mind can’t handle.

The unconscious mind works as a shock-absorber, and in psychology this is known as a “defense mechanism”. There are an infinity of defense mechanisms going on within us at any given moment, but these are some of the most common I’ve observed in our practices:

Innocent Bystander

One of the greatest hindrances in anybody’s journey of self-growth is to fool themselves into thinking they haven’t done anything wrong. This may be why the recovering addict’s first step is to acknowledge they have a problem. Most people live in denial or avoidance of exploring themselves because it keeps them from properly recognizing their more unsavory traits and capacities.

“The world is screwed up but I’m completely guilt free” is their basic outlook on life. They refuse to see the interconnection between their actions and lifestyle with the external world around them.

Innocent Critic

This defense mechanism is very similar to the Innocent Bystander, only this one avoids guilt by actively criticizing the world and people around them. Criticizing is our way of rebelling against society and wanting to find a way out, of wanting to be outside of the ‘herd’ while still feeling a sense of false participation.

Critical thought is a necessary instrument in any persons self-growth. But often these “critics” use critical thinking as way of boosting their ego, to feel smarter than the ‘herd’ who haven’t realized what the critic has. Unfortunately, noticing what’s wrong with the state of affairs of the world isn’t enough unless you actively apply a solution to the problem. It’s the essential difference between the paths of self-discovery and self-understanding.

Suppression

Unquestionably, a major obstacle in living a fulfilling life to the maximum of your potential is your inability to be authentic to yourself (it’s the key element in Self-Love). All too often we live with an inner tension of controlling desires that we fear will be socially unacceptable. Let’s say you like a movie or a song that you know your friends don’t like, or maybe you are attracted to someone you know everyone will disapprove of, so you suppress that feeling.

The suppression won’t make the feeling go away, in fact, what happens is that you might be so good at suppressing the feelings that your unconscious mind learns to switch between your authentic self (“I like this person or thing”) to your false sub-personality (“I don’t like the person or thing anymore”).

In the end, the unconscious defense mechanism of “suppression” is protecting you from experiencing confusion as to whether you like something or not by jumping from one extreme to the other. Not only does suppression hinder your self-growth, but it can also contribute towards emotional, psychological and physical repression resulting in a host of sicknesses.

Repression

Repression differentiates from suppression in one important way. While suppression is initially a conscious process of having a desire and learning to avoid or ignore is, repression is an entirely unconscious process.

For example, you might have had a traumatizing experience as a child that unconsciously affected your feelings towards whatever the experience involved. This unconscious defense mechanism basically serves to protect you from feeling pain or other difficult emotions connected to the memories of what is being repressed.

Sometimes, religious beliefs or social conditioning can be so strong that desires that would normally be consciously suppressed (such as sexuality for instance), become automatically unconsciously repressed. You don’t even become aware of what exactly were the desires of your original authentic self, and this makes you completely out of touch with your true self. This self-denying defense mechanism makes it very difficult to learn and cultivate Self-Love.

Reactive Extremes

In psychology the technical term is “reactive formation”, and this is something you’ll observe everywhere. The nature of the unconscious mind is that it requires absolute certainties — it needs to see the world in black or white. There is no grey, or “in between”.

Many people who had a very strict religious upbringing for example, grow older and become disillusioned with the dogmatic ideas they’ve been taught. These people unconsciously find atheism a very attractive option, and become fanatical anti-God advocates, almost dogmatically. Another example of a reactive extreme is the person who finds it difficult to deal with, or understand, other people, and as a reaction decides to become a hermit and go live in the mountains.

Going to reactive extremes can also be illustrated in the case of sour grapes (or the false pretense that we don’t care for something we really do care for, which can be illustrated in the Fox and the Grapes fable). In this situation, our unconscious mind realizes that we are fixated on a certain topic so it protects us by going from one extreme to the other, e.g. from love to hatred.

Blameless Victim

I’m sure we’ve all come across an angry victim of life, someone who blames other people or the world for their difficulties. But everyone uses blame as a defense mechanism to some extent. In truth, what we’re defending ourselves from is our own responsibility for dealing with the unpleasant experience we’ve been given.

To indulge in blame is to give up personal responsibility and mentally delegate it to someone else, convincing ourselves that we are not responsible for the state of our lives, instead blaming it on some “outside force”. The blameless victim mechanism blocks us from seeing clearly just how we are contributing to our own suffering.

Essentially, the blameless victim is one of the fiercest protectors of our ego. It causes us to feel that we’re never failing ourselves, or that we lack the maturity or strength to come to terms with the reality of the situations we’re confronted with. Whatever happened is not evidence of our own inadequacy, but of someone else’s.

Have you observed any defense mechanisms in yourselves or in others? Let me know in the comments below!

 

~via Wake-UpWorld.com

LISA RENEE (Time Shift Blog): “Parasitic Emotional Manipulators”

“Over the years in observing dark entities and their tendency to have control oriented tantrums, this helped me to see how they manipulate people in the physical realm in order to gain access to their energies. It is a fact on the earth that many people are being influenced by negative forces that they do not comprehend, which has reinforced a lifetime of negative habits, low self-esteem and parasitic behaviors.”

~Lisa Renee

 

One principle to remember is that controlling and dominating people and the nonphysical entities that are parasitic, will always use manipulation to get what they want. Usually it is to maintain their attachment to siphon energy or to use someone else’s energy to get things they want for themselves. This may be a person who doesn’t want to put forth the effort or energy to do things themselves, so they manipulate others to do it for them. Or they feel depleted so they seek out a person that they can suck energy from, usually by drawing them into some archetypal drama or crisis. In these situations it is noted how the vampire appears to be suddenly reenergized by your presence, while you feel excessively drained and tired. If we allow ourselves to be continually siphoned by others, we can feel depressed, confused, irritable and even physically ill.

We all need to evaluate relationships and set healthy boundaries in order to generate mutually beneficial exchanges with other people.

This inherently manifests as imbalanced exchanges of parasitic and codependent behavior, and many times the party acting as the psychic vampire will become addicted to their target host, because they are used to getting the energy they want from that person. When you place boundaries and cut off the siphoning attachment, in most cases the parasitic person and the energy parasite will have a control oriented emotional tantrum, or fly into narcissistic rage. This principle of exerting energetic control works the same way in physical people and in nonphysical entities, as well as all negative spiritual energies that are parasitic in nature. Over the years in observing dark entities and their tendency to have control oriented tantrums, this helped me to see how they manipulate people in the physical realm in order to gain access to their energies.

It is a fact on the earth that many people are being influenced by negative forces that they do not comprehend, which has reinforced a lifetime of negative habits, low self-esteem and parasitic behaviors. When people feel unsafe and insecure in themselves they will easily resort to controlling and manipulating behaviors to suck energy and this is commonly referred to as a psychic vampire or emotional vampire. For this reason you should be able to clearly identify various types of personalities that are psychic vampires.

A psychic vampire is a person who carries energy parasites, will drain others energies and may intentionally drain any positive energy or happiness in another. They can commonly show up as narcissistic, controlling, victims, incessant talkers or drama queens. They generally have a black hole of emptiness within that seeks to be filled by someone else’s energy. As a result, they have a big wounded pain body and generally never feel satisfied, need constant reassurance, and take little things as personal offenses. Most of the time these are not mutually beneficial relationships but one sided parasitic drains, they are friendly as long as you do what they want, and they can suck your energy.

Manipulation tactics are used to make a generally content person feel put down or to take their positive feelings and energy away, to erode self-esteem. The vampire may use condescending, critical or belittling behavior, they may use intimidation and bullying to make another feel unsafe, or even guilty so that they are completely dependent on them. Generally these people put others on edge, where one feels they must walk on egg shells to not upset this person, or get their wrath. You may not know what can set them off at any moment. If you notice the energy wither away whenever a certain person walks into the room, you should protect yourself and amplify your 12D Shield. Most of the time, people that are vampiric are not consciously aware that they are sucking energy from others, and are often totally unaware that they are disconnected from their soul-spirit. People that are soul disconnected feel empty inside and therefore will naturally try to make up for the energy loss by sucking energy from other people in the external. Staying away from psychic vampires and one sided parasitic relationships, instead fortifying your energies as an act of self-love is a good practice for beginning effective spiritual hygiene.

Finding our Centering System

Additionally, finding our center or grounding oneself is similar as the way a tree is sinking her roots deeply in the earth to stay secure in a storm. This is also a tool in creating healthy boundaries — finding the inner stillness is what allows peace to nurture the inner connection within ourselves by finding our center and spiritual core. So, our grounding root system is both our anchor and supports the maintenance of a strong boundary system. It keeps us from being blown about in other people’s winds. We must learn to better compassionately witness other people’s emotional dramas and pain without allowing their pain and chaos to impact our own energies or direction. Learning to identify escalating emotional dramas in narcissistic behavior gives us a way to disengage from the external chaos from allowing it to impact us. When we are inwardly focused and we become still within in order to connect with our heart and feel into our deeper intuition. This is the process that keeps one steady, inner connected and focused.

So, finding the inner core to ground yourself and have strong boundaries can happen in many ways. In our Energetic Synthesis community, we suggest acclimating to the ES Core Triad as a dedicated daily practice but there are some other ideas maybe saying a Prayer and setting positive intentions every day, offering your blessings over you morning meal or dinner and repeating positive affirmations in your head as you go through your day. Try different ways and find the tool that works for you. Again, one of my favorites is always I am God, I am Sovereign, I am Free.

Take notice of people and places that tend to drain you. Find neutrality in that situation by intending to connect with the inner Compassionate Witness. Just observe without judgement or reaction. Do not engage yet set appropriate boundaries. Before entering those places or exposing yourself to people whom you have a draining or vampiric sensation take a few minutes to fortify yourself and amplify your personal shield. Think of it as your inner energy space that will only allow love and positivity within it deflecting anything else. Focus on the Spirits of Christ as being inside your 12D Shield and this personal space protecting you and guiding you through your path in the day. See it and feel it as the force around you. Then recognize what action or non-action is required in order to responsibly maintain that peaceful inner space with healthy and appropriate boundaries.

(Source: ES News – Energetic Parasites, Ascension Glossary – Healthy Boundaries)

 

~via EnergeticSynthesis.com – Time Shift Blog – August 22, 2018

LJ VANIER: “12 Signs You’re A Deep Thinker Who Enjoys Being Alone”

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It is said that we are a product of our environment and when we are young, lasting impressions are burned into our minds about what love is, how the world works and what we ought to do when we are older.

As if settling down, getting married and having children is the benchmark for success.  But who is really to say what happiness is and what it looks like?

Maybe some of us are perfectly happy, just being alone…

1.  Dogmas and social conditioning don’t phase you

You have navigated the emotional concourse of societal expectation and found that it just doesn’t resonate with you.  Instead you listen to your heart and follow your inner voice, wherever it might lead.

2.  You screen your phone calls

If you find yourself waiting to respond to text messages and emails after they light up on your screen, this is a sure-fire sign that you prefer your privacy.  Setting your own boundaries for what you allow into your personal zone and when.

3.  You aren’t desperate to make plans on the weekends

You are confident enough in yourself and do not seek externally for the temporary and fleeting satisfaction that others bring.  You prefer to set your own schedule and make plans that you know you’ll enjoy.

4.  You enjoy your freedom

A cluttered calendar leaves no time for numero uno and you strive to clear off as many duties as you can, to allow more time for your own personal freedom.

5.  You are confident as a party for one

You are complete and well-rounded and don’t feel uncomfortable being the ‘fifth wheel’, neither do you mind eating alone.  You find clingy couples a bit needy and prefer others who are more self-reliant.

6.  You put yourself first

You don’t allow the pressures of others to persuade you from achieving what you want to get out of life.  You know that every minute is precious and you always make the most of it.

7.  You do what you want when you want

You follow your gut and trust your instincts. You find that living in the flow of life, is the best way to stay balanced and centered.

8. You’re genuinely happy

Constantly being bombarded with people can be draining, especially for an introvert like you.  Being alone brings you happiness, and relieves you from all of the personal drama of others.  Being genuinely happy means being happy with yourself.  When you love and accept yourself, you become all that you will ever need.  It is then a choice to be with others and share your gift to the world.

9.  You bask in peace and quiet

You would prefer to live in the countryside, or outside of the city. Apartment buildings and condominiums are a living nightmare for you. You strive to take time out in nature, finding remote spots with serene views to just read a book or meditate.

10.  You enjoy your own company

You prefer dining, watching movies, taking a walk in nature or exercising by yourself and are very comfortable in doing so.  You laugh at your own jokes, and enjoy the lightness of just being you.

11.  You sleep better alone

Cuddling is nice, for a few minutes… and then the blanket war, leg war and breathing war all begin.  Quite simply, a nice big bed all to yourself is your vision of perfection.

12.  You are a deep thinker

 Last but not least, you prefer the time and space to be with your own thoughts and highly regard this time.  You enjoy the self exploration and inner transformation of giving yourself the moments needed to just think it out.

 
 
 
~via In5D.com

L.J. VANIER: “10 Things You Should Remind Yourself of Everyday”

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  1. Today will be as good as I make it. 

There are obstacles everywhere, for everyone. Life is never perfect and it is not meant to be perfect. The key is to remember that. Start your day by reminding yourself that as long as you can accept to face the facts, you are strong enough to deal with them. Do not let the obstacles bring you down, instead, see them as life lessons and find out why they are there. Nothing in life is a coincidence. Everything happens for a reason because in the Universe, we are all energies that constantly cross paths with all kinds of vibrations. They are meant to be. You receive what you put out. So remind yourself, when you see a problem just like when you encounter something good, what do these signs tell you? What is the message? Find out and keep moving forward. Do not get stuck in the past and instead live in the present. And tell yourself you can turn bad into good from within when you mean it.

  1. I create my own reality.

We perceive things a certain way depending on how we look at them. If you approach people and situations with preconceived ideas or judgments, remember that these are thoughts coming from within you. No two people look at the same situation in the same way. Each individual see things the way they want to see them because it is connected to how they see themselves. So keep this in mind and work towards balancing your good and bad qualities and you will see how you create this reality and that you have the capacity and capability to direct and redirect it.

  1. I am not competing with anyone

Ambition can be a good thing if used correctly. But if you let it overpower you it can be very destructive to the point where you find yourself to be selfish and egotistical, but also unhappy and depressed in case of failure. The only thing you should be concerned with is to be a better you than you were yesterday and forget about everyone else you see as competitors and rivals. The key to self-confidence and success is to better yourself without depending on anyone or without comparing your reality to someone else’s.

  1. I don’t need anyone’s approval

We have ideas, things we want to do, places we want to go physically or spiritually, goals we want to achieve. Oftentimes we find ourselves thinking about what other people would think about us if we did. We hold ourselves back worried about other people’s judgments about us. Is it acceptable? Is it wrong? Is it selfish? But look around yourself. Do you see how many lives are on standby or miserable because people think the same exact way that you do? You are a free individual who can think for yourself and you have desires and wishes and feelings about how you can grow. Do not depend on anyone’s approval and do not let anyone’s judgment bring you down. Because just like you create your own reality, they create their own. If they choose to judge you or be mad at you it shows something about themselves, not about you.

  1. When I change my thoughts about life, I change my life

Going back to creating your own reality, as we said before, when the negativity overpowers you, you become fearful of it as it weakens you. And it destroys you and claims your happiness and personal growth. You can teach yourself manipulating the negative energy by balancing it with positive energy. Try daily meditation. It is a scientific fact that meditation reprograms our brains. In terms of neuroscience, think about all of your thoughts and feelings as branches of a tree. Only this tree is inside your brain. Just like a gardener would cut the dead branches from a tree to give way to the growth of the fresh new ones, meditation will teach you how to do that. And this is how you will learn to manipulate your bad thoughts and negativity by turning them into something better.

  1. Live each day as if it is your last

This is an advice we hear everyday but take it for granted. It is important to remember that tomorrow is not guaranteed for any one of us. If you have to forgive someone, do it, if you are angry with someone, find a way to overcome it, if you have regrets, try to find a way to make peace with yourself. Take these obstacles out of your way to give you the freedom and relief to live today in the best possible way. And don’t forget to tell the one’s you care about you love them.

7, Bad things don’t make your life bad

If you find yourself complaining too much about every single bad thing that happens to you, you will not be able to notice the good things around you. Bad things happen to everyone just like good things happen to everyone. Do not let them define your life and who you are. Accept them and take your lesson and don’t get discouraged. You are not alone. Life has its ups and downs. Happy moments and sad moments. If you only focus on the negativity, you will attract more of it.

  1. Put one foot in front of the other

You can not do everything at once but also you should not try to do something when you are not mentally ready to face it. Especially if you have problems with your self-esteem, before you take a challenge work on getting your self-esteem higher and stronger so if you fail, you can find the strength to deal with it and move on. There is a right time for everything. If you feel that the time is not right, listen to your gut feeling. And when you do, you will know how to read the signs when your subconscious tells you the time is right.

  1. You’ll never know unless you try

If you want something, ask for it. There is nothing wrong with asking. The worst that can happen is they say no. Do not be afraid of rejections. Rejections should be taken as signs that show us either we need to move on to something else or we need to better ourselves in that area. So don’t take no as a ‘bad answer’. Instead, use it to your advantage. But most importantly, do not let it affect your self-confidence. Analyze your feelings about it and find out why it made you feel bad. Then you can work on fixing it.

  1. You can do this!

Happiness, self-esteem, freedom… all these things you need are within you. You are the source of your own happiness, self-esteem and freedom. Nobody can give it to you and nothing can bring it to you either. If you put your hopes on others, what will you do when you achieve that? Since you started from a materialistic point of view, eventually that person or that something will not be enough for you and you will be back to square one. So learn to depend on yourself and realize that it all starts with you and within you.

 

 

 

 

 

~via SoulScience.com