NIKKI SAPP: “Seven Ways to Heal Negative Emotions”

“If God him/her/itself arrived at your doorstep for dinner, how would you treat him/her/it? Most likely with the utmost respect and reverence, right? So now you know how you should treat each emotion that arises as well.”

~Nikki Sapp

 

When you come to a point in your self-awareness process where you are beginning to become acutely aware of the emotional responses that are happening within you day-to-day, you may have found that there is a very fine line between showing support to yourself while you experience painful emotions and attaching yourself to the emotions as a sense of identity.

Walking this line, trying to find a balance between the two proves to be the difference between becoming a confident, healed and self-loving person, rooted in awareness rather than ego or being a victim of life, so intertwined with our painful emotions and the stories attached to them that they become extremely difficult to heal to completion.

While one should never use their idea of “being a positive person” as a means of trying to get rid of the natural emotions that are arising in them by methods of manipulation or judgment, there is undoubtedly approaches in dealing with painful or “negative emotions” that are in fact effective in helping them heal and transform all on their own, which in turn creates the space by which the blissful “positive” emotions that are our inherent nature can arise.

Seven Ways to Heal Negative Emotions

 

1. Acknowledge them

We cannot change that which we deny is even happening, which is why the very initial step to helping to create a space for healing for any emotion is to acknowledge it’s existence. You don’t even have to name the emotion if you are at a point where you can meditate and feel into the energy of the emotion, but nonetheless you must see that it is there.

Most emotions orbit repeatedly in our energy field because they have been feared, rejected or denied which only perpetuates them. When a painful emotion arises, that should tell you a deeper inquiry is required. Simply put, they are arising to be seen so that they can eventually be healed by you.

2. Honor Them

If we know that all stems from source (God/the divine/the omnipresent Universe) we should also know that even painful emotions fit into this category as well. Knowing this is a huge reason why honoring each emotion as God is hugely transformative.

If God him/her/itself arrived at your doorstep for dinner, how would you treat him/her/it? Most likely with the utmost respect and reverence, right?

So now you know how you should treat each emotion that arises as well. While it’s easy to treat joyful emotions with respect, it’s not as so with the emotions that feel painful in our body, but nonetheless that respect is required in assisting these emotions into a place where they can relax and dissolve into our awareness.

3. Do not blame them on anyone/ Do not own them as your own

Here is another approach that can be rather tricky, especially if you are new into self-awareness. Very often our emotions come as an onset after someone else’s behavior or words, which makes it “feel” like that person is to blame for the emotion. On one level of consciousness this may feel true, but those who are seasoned in self-awareness know something that takes this perspective into a higher truth.

That pearl of insight, is that people are coming into our lives to act as catalysts to bring up the very emotions that exist unhealed in our energy field. This means that rather than blaming them for causing the emotion (which completely disempowers us into needing them to change or apologize before we can heal), we can see them as messengers that provide unlikely clues into our own healing.

On the opposite end, we must also not become to attached to the idea of ownership from within either. We are the consciousness behind the emotion, so while there may be a limiting belief that is running a program in our subconscious mind that has been triggered by the action of another, it does not mean we ARE that emotion.

We are simply the awareness who has the power to heal that defunct programming and emotional block by observing it, feeling it, and respecting it — but not owning it.

4. See them as evidence of their opposite vibration

One helpful way to assist in actually having the courage to feel an emotion head on, is to know that emotions dissolve as a way to create space for their opposite to emerge. This means that all unworthiness — when actually faced and felt — is creating the healing space that makes way for worthiness to arise in it’s place.

Anytime you are able to pinpoint what emotion you are having, you can acknowledge it and also bless it with it’s opposite, or even just declare, “I accept that this fear of not having enough is the evidence that space is being created for abundance consciousness. In knowing this, I allow myself to feel this fear completely without judgment as it’s simply healing as I’m feeling it.”

5. Thank Them

As we come to know that no emotion arises as a mistake, we come to see some of the hidden gifts emotional responses contain. One is helping us identify where we are holding onto a subconscious belief or definition that is out of alignment with our highest truth.

All emotions stem from a belief, so no negative emotion can arise without there also being a belief behind it. Knowing this makes these emotions amazing gifts in helping us to re-write our subconscious beliefs!

By taking the time to sit with each emotion and appreciate it for the healing benefits and clues it contains, the emotions begin to soften and reveal their source — meaning the subconscious belief they stemmed from. As we re-write that belief we are able to heal that emotion.

6. Celebrate them

With many things on the spiritual journey it is the most ironic or unheard of approach that actually is effective. Probably the last thing you would ever think to do when a painful emotion arises is celebrate it’s arrival– which is why this approach is also hugely transformational.

Treat it like you truly cherish it’s arrival and are so humbled to have it’s presence and the wisdom it holds in your energy field. Watch how quickly you are able to detach from negativity when you do the one thing that you would have never thought to, which is actually celebrate it’s existence instead of judging or resisting it.

7. Welcome them back home into the light

Imagine your open heart as a doorway into the light for each emotion. As you open your heart and allow yourself to feel the energetic signature of each emotion, what you are actually doing is letting that emotion be welcomed into your heart space, which leads to the light that you are. The light is where all emotions go to heaven so to speak.

You may have heard the word alchemy in relation to the spiritual journey and this approach is exactly what that word means. Alchemists use the light of their true nature to be avenue by which painful emotions are dissolved into space — by simply feeling them to completion and welcoming them into their heart space.

It is important to note that it is most likely that you will need to use more than one or a combination of a few different approaches with each emotion. Nonetheless, it’s also important to remember to honor your humanity in all of this.

It’s often easy to see ourselves spiritual robots here to use our techniques to get rid of all that “negative energy” we don’t want to deal with, but without also honoring the part of us that innocently feels these emotions from a human place, we become the manipulators of our emotions vs. the safe place they long for to return home.

 

~via FractalEnlightenment.com

NEZEL PADAYHAG: “15 Ways To Open Your Heart And Find Unconditional Love”

“Infinite love is the only truth. Everything else is illusion.”

~David Icke

 

Love is full of wonders. It’s even said to move mountains. Regardless of your own definition of love, it has the power to make the hearts speak and establish a connection with others.

In the presence of infinite love, verbal communication is sometimes unnecessary. There is deeper communication that does not need words.

However, emotional blocks that hide in the masks of fear, pain, suffering, judgments, heartaches, illness, isolation, prevent us from loving infinitely and unconditionally.

We allow these things to limit our capability to love. Most people don’t know what love is, at its core, and how to express it. This can be possible by opening our hearts to love.

15 Ways To Open Your Heart:

1. Commune with nature.

In nature, there’s no chaos, no confusion, and no pain. There’s only peace, connectedness, and love.

The first step to opening your heart is to establish a deeper connection with Mother Earth and all its creatures.

It’s where you can ground yourself while letting go of negative vibes and being present in the moment.

2. Stay in the present moment.

Staying in the present moment allows you to focus on your breath, which aligns you to your higher self.

When you tune in to your higher self, you open your heart to the loving connection with yourself and everything that is.

Staying in the present moment is something that can make you feel better immediately, and it can also improve your outlook on things.

3. Be still.

Stillness connects you to your inner knowing. It invites you to be detached and be the observer of everything that’s going on within you and through you.

Meditation is one way of practicing stillness. As you meditate, you see your thoughts come and go.

Seeing that you are not your thoughts allows your heart to feel safe. This triggers your heart to open up and allows love to flow through you freely.

4. Do something you love doing.

When you do something that your heart lights up while doing time seems to pass without noticing. And you can do this thing the whole day without feeling tired at all.

This means that the activity comes straight from your heart, it’s something that your soul resonates with and it lights up your shine.

When you do activities that you really love doing your heart opens up. Your soul shines and you are energized.

5. Honor your breath.

Your breath is the life force that brings you to the present moment.

When you feel you’re out of alignment, pause and take deep breaths. Through the awareness of your breath, you will remember who you are, a person born out of love.

By remembering love, your heart finds its center.

6. Connect with your tribe.

Your tribe could be your group of friends or the people who see you as you are without judgment.

You vibrate at the same frequency, which makes you feel comfortable and safe.

Being with the people whose frequency resonates with yours allows you to be aligned with your eternal nature. This encourages your heart to open up and stay balanced.

7. Practice color therapy.

Color therapy works with the aid of visualization.

Finding a quiet place, make yourself comfortable and focus on your heart. Take a few deep breaths as you visualize the first color that comes to you.

Trust your inner guidance to bring you the color of your aura that needs harmony, balance, and self healing.

8. Keep a journal.

A journal serves as something that helps you process thoughts and emotions. It’s a place where you can dump all your emotional baggage, confusions, pains.

By pouring on the pages things that no longer serve you, you come in fresh and with a clearer mind.

Once your mind is clear, it’s easier for you to open up and be aware of the love around you.

9. Be genuine.

In whatever circumstances you are in your life now, you’re playing a role in someone else’s life. Oftentimes, these people want you to play the role they expect you to play.

When playing that role is against your will, you’re being inauthentic with yourself.

You’re left with the choice of disappointing others by being your authentic self, or play with their dramas and be untrue to yourself. Just remember, true love can only flow when you’re being true to yourself.

10. Establish healthy boundaries.

Establishing healthy boundaries doesn’t mean closing your doors for other people. On the contrary, it is the first step in showing compassion to others.

When you set boundaries, you are being compassionate with yourself, giving it the necessities of life that it needs to stay healthy, balanced, and capable of love.

Once you’ve developed this compassion with yourself, it naturally extends to other people, allowing more love to flow.

11. Speak your own truth.

You don’t need to argue others to speak your own truth. Being your authentic self is one way of speaking your own truth.

Do the things that matter to you even if they appear unconventional. Never be afraid of being different.

When you’re confident of who you are despite the criticisms thrown at you, people will slowly show you respect and find inspiration in speaking their own truth too.

12. Send love to anyone who needs it.

When you send love, your focus is on love. The more you focus on love, the more it comes into your reality.

Send your loved ones love by imagining them to be standing in front of you. You can even send love to strangers or people who may have hurt you.

Sending love is the quickest way to heal and raise your vibrations.

13. Listen to your heart.

Self healing begins with listening to what your heart is telling you.

Set aside time for yourself and listen deeply to the messages your heart wants you to know.

Allow yourself to find safety in the quiet place of Surrender.

14. Follow your bliss.

“Follow what your heart is telling you” is a common phrase we hear. And there is truth in that.

When you follow your heart, you follow your bliss, the passion that points you to your life purpose. Whatever your passion in life is, love is at its core.

Thus, following your bliss is the shortest way to finding yourself and finding love.

15. Practice unconditional love.

Unconditional love is a sacred place where respect and honor resides. It’s loving people despite their weaknesses, shortcomings, and even indifference.

However, unconditional love is not a ticket that others can use to abuse you. You must have enough self respect so that people will respect you in like manner.

Show unconditional love without being tolerant, without apologizing, and without seeking approval from anyone. Just love with all your heart. Give love to the world.

 

~via LifeCoachCode.com

CONSCIOUS REMINDER: “You Need To Stop Absorbing Other People’s Negative Energy, And This Is How To Do It”

Empathy is the ability to recognize and feel other peoples emotions. Sympathy is feeling compassion for other people.

Often times to be an “empath” means that you are absorbing much of the pain and suffering in your environment, which can sacrifice your ability to function at a high level.

5 Ways To Stop Absorbing Negative Energy

If you have ever been in a room with a negative person, you know just how toxic their energy can be. Learning to stop absorbing negative energy from others is such a great spiritual skill to have. Here are five ways to stop absorbing negative energy:

1. Remember, you can’t please everyone.

If someone is bullying you, complaining about you, or dissing you, do not make it your mission to try to convince that person to like you. This will only suck you deeper into that energy field and will make you energetically dependent on their opinion of you.

Not everyone is going to like you. Everyone on earth is living here for a different purpose. By loving yourself first, you will create a forcefield around other peoples opinions that will protect you from being so drained by their opinions.

Also remember, you can’t change everyone. Don’t make it your mission to fix them in that moment either. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is not try to change them but to just not feed the energy that they are projecting at you.

2. Be careful who you invite into your life.

Your body, mind and direct environment is your temple. Who are you inviting in? Is it an open invitation? Do people even have to wipe their feet clean before walking around or is it ok if they drag mud onto your soul? In Brazil there is a slang word called folgado. The direct meaning is “loose” or “lazy” but it really means “freeloader”. There is not exact english equivalent though because it is a mentality even more than a lifestyle.

If you give a person a piece of bread one day, they will be asking for the loaf the next. If you let someone stay for a weekend, they will then try to stay the week (or two!). I once thought my wife was cold and mean spirited towards some of our neighbors. Once I realized she was merely respecting herself and her home, I valued her direction and adopted it as my own.

It is great to be generous but there is a fine line to work with so you are not being trampled on, thus disabling you from helping those who truly need it. Learn to say “no” and to be OK with that.

3. Stop paying attention.

A parasite needs a host to survive. When you pay attention to somebody else, you are giving them energy. Whatever you focus on grows and energy vampires will steal your thoughts — decreasing your energy levels. Some people will dump their energy onto you and then drive on to the next pit stop. A friendly ear can be a wonderful thing but there is, again, a line that does not need to be crossed.

Perhaps you’ve found yourself being the source for a person to relay their frustrations at work, a relationship or even successful accomplishments. All of these emotions can drain you in various ways and cause you to measure your own life in ways that are not productive.

Love yourself enough to tune them out, tell them to stop, or tell them you can’t handle it right now. It’s not mean of you to reject their toxic energy.

4. Breathe in nature.

Go into nature, meditate, relax and breathe. Purify the water within yourself, exercise and float easy. Like a butterfly, float gently but move fast. Breathing increases the bloodflow circulation around the body and will help prevent to absorb energy from those around you. Walk with confidence, keep your head up and don’t allow anyone to make you feel inferior. A caterpillar eats everything around it and becomes fat, immobile. It must first become light in order to fly.

5. Take 100% responsibility for your thoughts and emotions.

How you feel is 100% your own responsibility. The universe is sending people into your life to test us. The perception we have of ourselves is greater than the perception others have of us. You are not a victim, nobody has power over you. Consider how your thoughts or expectations may have manifested the situation that is bothering you. What if the answer lies within your level of patience, irritability, or compassion? Unless we take the time to look, we subconsciously affirm our own victimization to the world around us.

Once you hold yourself accountable and responsible for the way you choose to respond to something, you connect with yourself on a deeper level. When you are connected to yourself on a deeper level, you don’t get knocked off your center as easily.

Place yourself in situations that boost your own energies. Does this person make you feel good? Do you make that person feel good? You are worthy of a brilliant experience and it is time to realize that fact. Learning to protect yourself against other people’s energies starts with self-love. Remember that you are worth of happiness and peace, it’s OK to say no. and you are the author of your own energetic state.

 

 

~via ConsciousReminder.com

LJ VANIER: “9 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries and Maintain Them”

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Boundaries are important in our lives in order to have healthy relationships and careers.

Unfortunately,  many of us struggle with setting healthy boundaries in our emotional and professional lives maybe in fear of being misunderstood or seen as selfish.  As we struggle with setting these boundaries and making promises to ourselves, we watch others walk over us, take advantage of us or mistreat us.  Some of us feel more guilt, some of us feel weak.  Whatever the reason may be behind our failure of setting personal boundaries, we need to remind ourselves that if we do not have them, we will always have a hard time communicating with others.

So how do we handle this?  There are easy steps to do it and we will talk about them now here.

1. Set your limits

When we find ourselves face to face with difficult situations or with difficult people, it is important for us to know where we stand.  It is also important to know what we want and what we expect for ourselves and from others.  Knowing where we stand and our goals will help us better identify our limits.

2. Listen to your gut feeling

When we trust our intuition, we can read between the lines, we can see things much sooner than others from a different perspective.  Our intuition usually gives us early warning signs when something does not feel right or someone has negative energy.  If you feel like something does not look or feel right trust your gut feeling.  When you sense it, observe it carefully and identify the cause of the problem.  This also helps for good opportunities since everything is not bad or negative.  When you feel like something is right, eliminate your fears and concerns and be more positive and brave about taking the next step.

3. Meditate

We spend too much time living in the past or future.  We let our worries, our resentments and fears overpower us sometimes, forgetting about what we have now and enjoying this very moment.  Sometimes we let guilt and anger take over. We let negativity blind us and scare us.  Think about how many opportunities you have missed.  Maybe with a certain someone for a good relationship, because we were stuck in the past, trying to overcome the troubles of a prior relationship.  Sometimes we miss a good opportunity at work because we are not ready to take the necessary steps.  Sometimes we lack focus.  One way to stop this is to practice mindfulness meditation.  It keeps us grounded and it teaches us to live in the present moment.  It enhances our focus and helps us organize our thoughts.

4. Speak your mind

If you do not let others know about your boundaries, they will never have a clue.  Communication is the key.  When you know exactly what you want and how you want it, do not hesitate to let others know your limits.  When people understand where you are coming from, they will be able to communicate with you their limits as well.  With the help of communication, you can easily find a common ground.

5. Keep a journal

Every time you feel like you are having a hard time maintaining your boundaries, write it down.  Analyze why you are having a hard time.  What have you missed when you found yourself face to face with a certain person or a certain situation?  Were you weak?  Were you worried?  Were you afraid of being misunderstood or selfish?  Write everything down and think and rethink about what you could do instead.  Can you go back and fix the situation?  Or what can you do differently next time to not find yourself in the same place?  Writing these things will help you have better focus and courage next time you encounter similar situations.

6. Change your mind

Having boundaries does not make you a selfish person or a bad person.  Remind yourself that it is perfectly fine and healthy to set boundaries and maintain them.  Others have them.  Think of how you see others with good strength when it comes to maintaining their own boundaries.  Do you think of them as selfish or do you believe they are rigid?  Of course there are people who are rigid and they have unreasonable demands but you are not one of them.  Allow yourself to feel better about yourself for knowing your limits.

7. Respect others’ boundaries

If you think that your boundaries are reasonable and necessary but others’ are not as important as yours, you are not being realistic.  It is only fair to show respect reciprocally as others are as important as you.  Remember that respect goes both ways.  If you lack showing respect to others then do not expect them to respect you either.  However, recognize the difference between healthy boundaries and rigid boundaries.  Rigid boundaries are selfish and they mostly come from people who tend to control others.  When you identify them, you will also stop others from controlling you.

8. Be patient with yourself

Change does not come overnight.  It takes time.  Just like we need to exercise regularly to build muscles, you need to practice your boundaries on a regular basis.  It is something new that we learn.  Change is not easy.  After all we are trying to reverse years worth of bad habits and we need to be patient and understanding with ourselves.  We need to also show the same amount of understanding towards others as they may also be struggling to maintain their own boundaries and they also will need time to build strength.

9. Reward yourself and others

When we achieve something and we notice we made progress, the best way to celebrate it is to reward ourselves.  It could be a little gift we buy for ourselves, a treat like a favorite dessert or drink.  Why not?  You have tried and it worked.  It is a good feeling.  Likewise, you can also reward others when you notice they are on the right path.  Encouragement always helps us and sharing it with others only makes it bigger and better.

~via isoulscience.com

STEPHANIE LUCAS: “Self Love and Self Respect Opens Door to Empowerment”

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In these times of greater cosmic activity, enlightenment and self awareness, it seems that more people — particularly youth — are becoming turned off by a lack of self respect and self love in others.  Ladies showing too much skin are drawing more looks of disdain, and those once so appealing bad boys are only attractive from a distance.  Sounds great!  Problem is, there are still many out there who let ego get in the way, and we eagerly seek out love and respect before giving it to ourselves first.

Empowerment Authentication and Self Respect

It seems that many are stuck on stuck, expecting others to freely give us love and respect when we are still not aligned with our own heartfelt intentions well enough to love and respect ourselves.  Going through life in such a vicious cycle fuels hurt and chronic disappointments when things don’t work out, allowing other’s egotistical expectations and desires to be placed onto others rather than themselves.

Aligning yourself with such individuals or lacking self love and respect yourself, sets you up into that cycle of victim consciousness that gives you a desire to ‘fix’ and ‘save’ others while giving up self happiness.  Ever put your child’s, partner’s, or parent’s expectations, dreams, and ambitions ahead yours?  This is just one form of disrespecting yourself… and ultimately you allow the negativity of energy vampires to tap into your energy stream.  And honestly, should you ever have to sacrifice your heart and soul’s true desires for another person to love and respect you?

Self Love: Discover Your Own Worth and Empowerment

Those not aligned with their own true desires often demand that others do their job for them, projecting issues onto them, and seeking someone to fulfill their own egotistical needs.  Once you discover and experience your own self empowerment you can more easily grow and become your true SELF.  Only then, you can raise your vibrations and embrace your potential as a conscious co-creator or your own reality and future.

Empowerment and self love work hand in hand as you discover your higher self.  Regardless of how much you ‘love’ someone, loving yourself must always come first if you want to get yourself out of a state of chaotic unknowns and sacrifices.  When seeking self love you are forced to wash you hands of those old attitudes you learned when in the cycle while embracing you soul’s wisdom, power, and joy.

Taking Responsibility and Gaining Self Love and Respect

Whether it’s you or someone in your life that this post describes, understand there is a difference in wanting to change yourself or by helping another grow and prosper in this journey.  In every action and effort we make, the intentions must be appropriately set, as you cannot DO the work of clearing out old wounds and discovering their love for them.  Attempting to do so is essentially taking away their power — the polar opposite of the goal.

The best way we can truly help one another achieve their goal of true empowerment, self love, and self respect is to share your knowledge, reconnect with your true self, take time for periods of meditation, and be aware of the divine presence of each eternal being.

 

 

About Stephanie Lucas:  Stephanie resonates with the vibrations of stones and crystals and imbibes in ‘playing’ with them and eating healing clay daily. When she’s not writing, reading or terrorizing Facebook, you might find her dancing with hippies in a drum circle or meandering through the forest with a wand looking for fairies, nymphs and unicorns to collaborate with.

©Universal Copyright 2014 is authorized here. Please distribute freely as long as both the author Stephanie Lucas and www.QuantumStones.com are included as the resource and this information is distributed on a non-commercial no charge basis.

 

LAUREN MARTIN: “Simple Life: 10 Things People Who Love Being Alone Never Worry About”

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I’m a recluse as much as the next guy… At least, that’s what I thought.

After a recent move to a city that welcomed one too many nights out and one too many clubs to name, I came to the harsh realization that my aversion to nights out and the company of others was not normal and I was coming off as, well, rude.

I thought there was nothing wrong with choosing to spend Friday night in the company of myself and my empty apartment.

I thought it was okay to enjoy walking alone more than with a friend. I thought it was healthy to relish in all those moments of solitude.

To people trying to be my friend, or at least use me as a pawn in their game of nights out, I was the antithesis of everything they wanted.

I tried to make myself go out more, push myself to spend Friday nights in the company of others and try to enjoy all that mindless chit chat that came with money spent on too many drinks.

Soon, I began to hate myself and those around me. I started worrying about insignificant nonsense that shouldn’t bother me.

And after one too many nights spent around everyone but myself, I decided that enough was enough and I would spend as much time alone as I ******* please.

I like my company, even if it’s just a little too much, because there’s something beautiful about being at peace with yourself. There’s something comforting about knowing I can come home to myself every night and love it.

There should be more respect for people who can relish in themselves. There should be more admiration for those who aren’t scared of being alone.

There should be some nice words about the loners and the introverts who are content with themselves and don’t need anyone to feel better.

Because loving your alone time is many times a lot healthier than hating it. Those who bask in their own company are the ones with significantly fewer worries than those who need to be around people to fill that void.

The loners, introverts and asocial people of the world are the ones spending their time creating and growing from themselves, rather than worrying about what everyone else is thinking.

They never worry about how they come off

People who like to be alone are more secure than those who are so good at showing face. They are the ones who are never second guessing their actions or working on their appearance.

They don’t care what people think of them because they, themselves, are their harshest critics.


They never worry about what they just said

The only times people who like their alone time are going out is with people who deserve their shared time. They don’t spend it with people who will judge them or people they worry about taking what they said the wrong way.

They don’t spend hours lying in their beds thinking about what they said or didn’t say back there. They are confident around the people they choose to talk to.


They never worry about acting like they have something to prove

People who enjoy their own company are not the types to put on airs. They never have to act like they have something to prove because they never have anyone to prove anything to.

When you meet them, you will see they are completely themselves, because that’s who matters to them. If you don’t like them, that’s just one fewer person they need to worry about hanging out with.


They’re never worried about doing things they don’t want to do

They don’t sit in bed wishing they didn’t have to go to a party where they hate most of the people just so they won’t spend Saturday night stuck with their own thoughts.

They never replace alone time with empty interactions. Their solitude is never rationalized or bargained for by trivial moments with undeserving people.


They’re never worried about ending up alone

They don’t have that irrational fear of never finding someone. If anything, they fear they will never understand how to share their alone time.

They don’t date people just for the company or settle for unfulfilled love just so they won’t end up alone.


They never worry about finding something to say

Because they’re not constantly putting themselves around others, they’re not constantly searching for new topics and talking points.

They know who they are and what they like and they don’t have to pretend to be interested in things just to keep the conversation going.


They never worry about missing out on something

They never have fear of missing out because there’s no place they’d rather be than with themselves. They don’t find it a wasted evening when they don’t go out.

In fact, they see it as the opposite. In our hectic schedules, getting a night to ourselves is easier said than done.


They never worry about being single

They search for meaning in themselves and take pride in that relationship. They don’t need to feel validated by the significant others they’re supposed to have.

They make sure they are completely in love with themselves before they worry about finding someone else to love.


They never worry about needing time to think

They spend their alone time exploring all the unexamined spaces of their mind. They don’t go to parties or friends’ houses wishing they could just have a moment to think, alone.

They are constantly thinking and constantly wondering. They are never without moments to ponder those questions that need time.


They never worry about having to lie or exaggerate

Their lives are complete by themselves. They don’t have to name drop or worry about being cool enough around the people they’re with because they don’t care about impressing current company or making new acquaintances.

They aren’t about collecting friends or racking up phone numbers. They know who they are and there’s no need to exaggerate about that.

 

 

 

 

 

~via EliteDaily

 

ELLYN DYE: “Forgiveness As The Ultimate Act Of Self-Love!”

I’ve learned to forgive others easily without looking back… even if I’ve had to eliminate them from my life, upon discovering they’re a narcissist, a sociopath, or a psychopath. When they are liars, thieves, manipulators and schemers and are ‘never wrong’… they will never magically grow a heart and soul… therefore by avoiding them altogether you will probably have a lot more self-love and self-respect. : D

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by Ellyn Dye
Guest writer for In5D.com

Forgiveness can be a really sticky issue. Everyone knows it is “blessed” to forgive, yet most of us secretly—or not-so-secretly— harbor grudges, carry resentments, relive betrayals, and plot revenge, if only in our fantasies. After all, we “earned” those stripes through our own pain and anguish. If we let all that go, we lose part of ourselves, don’t we?? If we let it go, it means it doesn’t matter that we were hurt, doesn’t it?? Often people resist forgiving because they believe that in doing so they are condoning the bad behavior, invalidating their own experience and pain, pretending it never happened, and letting the person off “scot free.” That is simply not the case.

Forgiveness means acknowledging and accepting that something very painful happened or, yes, was done to you… and then letting it go and leaving it in the past where it belongs, so you can heal and move on in your own life. The other person probably moved on a long time ago!

And remember, it is totally up to you what, if any, future relationship you have with that person, and that will likely depend on whether he/she apologized, expressed true remorse, made amends, and worked to earn your trust again. Remember the adage: “Hurt me once, shame on YOU. Hurt me twice, shame on ME.” It’s true! “Turning the other cheek” may mean turning and walking away! We definitely don’t have to go back for a “second dose,” and it behooves us to learn from our experiences. We can only learn who people really are by observing, and sometimes experiencing, their actions. Every action is information about who a person is and whether we want him/her in our lives. And, as Maya Angelou said, “When a person shows you who they are, believe them!”

Holding on to past grievances is like permanently holding ourselves in the moment of the pain so we can relive it over and over again. When we are still stuck emotionally in a painful event, we are stuck firmly in the past, not moving forward with our lives, and we are giving our lives over to that single event. It becomes a defining moment for us. Many people actually define their entire existence in terms of what someone else did to them years, or even decades ago! Is it possible they want their entire life to become a shrine to one painful event? Why? What is the emotional payoff for that?

Think of it this way:  Someone walks up and hits you in the head with a baseball bat and walks away. Instead of going home to get first aid and heal your wound, you pick up the baseball bat and, over the next few years, periodically pick up the bat and hit yourself in the head again. By the end of five years, you’ve hit yourself in the head a few thousand times, with your built-up anger and resentment adding force to each blow. The person who originally hit you with the bat only did it once. So, at the end of the five years, who caused you the most pain and the most harm? That person or you?

Emotional pain, anger, resentment, and bitterness build up in our systems if we don’t vent them and let them go. Emotions are intended to be Energy in Motion, and emotional energies can cause all kinds of problems if they don’t move out of our systems. They are like toxic fumes that continually swirl around us. They make us sick and, worse, attract more toxic fumes… that will attract more painful events… that will emit more toxic fumes…

We create a continuing loop, and each time we relive the event in our minds, the neural networks that were created become deeper and stronger, so it is easier to “fall back” into that thought and feeling. It poisons our minds, our hearts, our bodies, and our lives, and often the lives of those around us. Before long, we view everything through that filter and our vision, our thoughts, and our emotional processes are so poisoned that the only thing we can see, think, or feel is pain, anger, resentment, and bitterness. We begin to believe that Life is defined by that, and we no longer allow anything else in, because our outer reality always proves that our beliefs are true!

It also traps us in victim mode. By holding on to past grievances and marinating ourselves in those toxic emotions, we give every ounce of our power away to the other person.We give up responsibility for ourselves and our emotional state of being, we wallow in our self-pity, and we give others power over our lives.

The truth is, no one can truly hurt us unless we let them.(OUCH!) Knowingly or unknowingly, we contribute to our own pain. We may not have control over what others do but, contrary to popular belief, we DO have control over how we respond. We can cling to the pain and relive it, or we can heal and walk away. In fact, it is never the experiences that create our lives and who we are, it is how we respond to them. Do we learn and grow and rise above, or do we fall and wallow and give up? It really is our choice.

As is so often the case, we can learn so much from the children. Kids know how to “shake it off,” unless the adults teach them to cling to their pain. A happy child falls, skins a knee, has mom “fix it,” and then runs out to play again. Kids accept that pain is just something that happens in life. They know all too well that sometimes people are mean and do things that hurt them, and they don’t let it stop them. We could use a lot more of that!

We owe it to ourselves to forgive. It is all for US, not for them. Forgiveness is truly a “selfish act,” and it really does set us free.

So how do we do that? When someone betrays us; abuses us; takes advantage of us; causes physical, mental, or emotional harm, how do we work our way to the point where we can forgive them and let it go? How do we, as Jiminy Cricket used to say, “Pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start all over again”?

It isn’t always easy, and we generally have to go one step at a time, but it may be the most important part of our healing process. If we can reframe our understanding of the event, we can often change our perspective enough to forgive and make lemonade from those lemons. Here are some ways to reframe:

Recognize that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have at the time. This includes ALL resources, such as emotional understanding and capacity, self-esteem, knowledge, wisdom, experience, energy, ability to empathize with others, and level of overwhelm. Most people are running on empty, especially in the last few years: they are stretched so thin, they don’t have enough time, energy, money, strength, or mental or emotional capacity to cope. People are running on auto-pilot, and when a complex situation presents itself that requires discernment, integrity, generosity, kindness, and love, often they only have the ability to react out of fear. They cannot think about the impact of their actions on other people, because they are struggling just to manage a situation and get through it.

Even when people do try to consider others, they still don’t really know the full impact of their actions; none of us can ever really know, because a person’s reaction to what we do is based not only on what we do, but also on their entire emotional history.

What other people do to us is not really about US. How we react to what other people do to us is not really about THEM.

What people do comes from their state of mind, emotional state, and emotional baggage. How we react to anything that happens to us comes from our state of mind, emotional state, and emotional baggage.

This is an important distinction: our reactions and sensitivities to what others do is our own, based on everything that has ever happened to us and how we have reacted. People can push our buttons without even knowing we have those buttons, and we can push theirs. Heck, I can push people’s buttons just by walking into a room!! What is perfectly fine for one person can be highly offensive, threatening, or pain-invoking for someone else. And we have absolutely no way of knowing that until we find out the hard way, when they react in a totally unexpected way. It’s the same for others and our reactions. The key for all of us is to identify the buttons we have and heal the underlying pain, so there is no longer a button to push!

Forgive them, for they know not what they do. To me, this request, attributed to Jesus on the cross, is one of the most important, and most difficult, lessons in the Bible. When we can recognize that every action, by anyone, is either an act of love or a cry for love,and respond accordingly, we have truly released our attachment to control and pain and moved into love and compassion. When we can learn to be in that space of love and forgiveness, we have taken a giant step in our own healing and evolution.

Even when someone does something intentionally to be mean, inflicting damage or pain on purpose, they still do not know what they are doing or why. They are still only acting from the depths of their own fear, pain, and insecurity, doing the best they can. If bullies were not so terrified and self-loathing, themselves, they would not feel the need to inflict pain on others. Because of the abuse they have endured in their own lives, they can only feel powerful or good about themselves when they are putting others down or abusing them. They are getting through life the only way they know how, by treating others as they have been treated. Instead of healing their own pain, they inflict pain on others. Sadly, it appears that our culture has created a society of bullies. “The sins of the father,” passed down from generation to generation, are the dysfunctional, self-loathing ways of being in the world, based on the accumulated unhealed wounds and pain.

People who feel good about themselves, who are self-aware, and who have worked on their own healing, generally have no need to intentionally cause pain or create conflict; and if they do so by mistake, they usually can recognize it quickly and rectify it or make amends. People who indulge in desperate acts feel desperate inside. People who inflict pain are filled with pain, themselves. People who act badly simply are unable, in that moment, to act any better, for whatever reason. They cannot be focused on you and your pain, because they can only focus on their own. Forgive them, for they know not what they do.

Recognizing how we often participate in causing ourselves pain is a humbling experience, and an important step toward forgiveness of ourselves and others, as well as toward our own self-awareness.

We must understand that no one can hurt us emotionally unless we “let” them. Nothing anyone else does is deeply painful unless there is something inside us that resonates with it. That unhealed emotional pain inside us—or our attachment to control of external events and others—sets up a resonance and attracts more pain into our lives. It’s those “buttons” again, that keep getting pushed. Used consciously, an emotional response can alert us to our deep, unhealed pain so we can heal it and eliminate the buttons. Unfortunately, we usually just cling more to each painful incident, thus increasing the resonance in an escalating cycle.

When we blame others for how we feel, regardless of what they have done; when we give others the power to hurt us and “ruin” our lives, we keep ourselves trapped in that resonance-pain-resonance-pain feedback loop. And if we feel, deep inside, that we deserve pain—or if we have been betraying ourselves by allowing abuse—then pain and betrayal will become the pattern of our lives until we break the cycle. And it is up to us, not someone else, to do the work to heal and break the cycle. If we allow ourselves to be doormats, we cannot really hold it against someone who wipes his feet on us, because we invited the action, consciously or unconsciously.

It’s up to us to teach people how to treat us, and we do that every day in every interaction, consciously or unconsciously. We do it by what we allow and what we don’t allow. Our relationships show us what we are teaching people about how we believe we deserve to be treated—and sometimes, that’s not pretty! We often stay in abusive situations, hoping the other person will change, because we are too afraid to empower ourselves to leave and create our own change. Or, deep down, we believe that we deserve it. (We don’t—EVER! And sometimes that’s our biggest lesson!)

We can also sometimes unconsciously “invite” or set ourselves up for disappointment and pain by harboring unrealistic expectations of others and/or by not clearly conveying our expectations to others. That is a trap, and no one wins. Often, we feel that others should somehow “know” what we need, want, or expect (possibly because we are afraid to express our needs clearly, or don’t believe we deserve to have them met). When others do not fulfill those needs or expectations, we take it personally, feel hurt, and hold it against them. But our needs are our responsibility.

We also may expect others to act in the same ways that we would in a given situation; we expect someone to act fairly because we would, or we expect someone to consider our needs and feelings because we would do that for them. We expect others to share our values and integrity and, perhaps to even act in our interests instead of their own. But again, these are unrealistic expectations, and unrealistic expectations only set us up for disappointment and pain. We can only realistically expect other people to act the way they act, in their self-interest as they perceive it. It is the only thing they can do—and often, it is incomprehensible to us.

We often have to forgive ourselves, too, and that can be even harder than forgiving someone else, because we judge ourselves so harshly. We often feel angrier, longer, about a painful situation when we believe part of it was our fault, or that we set ourselves up, when our internal dialogue says:  “I should have known better,” “I never should have trusted that person,” “I should have asked more questions,” “I should not have deferred to such an extent to that person, and let her take advantage,” etc., etc.  In those cases, it’s easier to hold on to the grudge against the other person, because otherwise we must look at our own anger and judgment of ourselves, and sit with the shame of our perceived failure. But blame and shame always keep us from healing and moving on, no matter who we are blaming.

We all have 20/20 hindsight, we all make mistakes and sometimes overlook what appears in retrospect like something that should have been obvious, forgetting that it wasn’t obvious at the time (and often, there’s no reason it would be). We are not perfect and we are not all-knowing. We cannot know how everything will turn out (not even those of us who are “psychic”!). We cannot possibly know how other people will act overreact. Like everyone else, we can only do the best we can. We can only guess, based on our experience, and hope we’re right; and if we are wrong, it is not really a failure on our part. Those thoughts really only reflect our deep desire for control and our fear of the unknown and of making mistakes. And that comes from our cultural mandate to mask our deep self-loathing, self-doubt, and fear with a veneer of perfectionism. Perhaps it stems from a deep-seated fear of a mean, judgmental God, who expects us to be perfect. But God does not expect us to be perfect, and God does not judge us. Those are singularly human traits.

When we can allow ourselves to make mistakes, giving ourselves the benefit of the doubt and knowing that we did the best we could at the time—even if we can later think of ways we could have done better—we can begin to allow others to make mistakes and give them the benefit of the doubt, too, even when those mistakes hurt us. We are all, in fact, human! And making mistakes is the only way we really learn.

We break the blame-and-shame cycle by letting go of old hurts, forgiving ourselves and others, and loving and healing ourselves. When we can feel compassion for those who cause us pain, when we understand that they are doing the best they can and really don’t know any better, or may not even know they are hurting us, we set ourselves free. When we take responsibility for our own feelings and reactions, rather than placing that responsibility on others, we empower ourselves.

Even better, when we treat ourselves with love, kindness, and compassion, others begin to treat us the same way. When we love and heal ourselves, we release the resonance for pain and drama and, stop attracting that into our lives. When we detach from judgment, grudges, and pain, we can set new intentions for ease and grace, and fuel those intentions with all the energy that has been freed up. That’s when we begin to attract love, joy, peace, and abundance.

Why not leave all those old, festering wounds, and all that pain and emotional baggage in the past where it belongs? Close the door on it all and start fresh. Begin again, and treat yourself and others the way you have always wanted to be treated, with love and respect, kindness and consideration, and, yes, forgiveness when you make a mistake, do something “stupid,” or unintentionally hurt yourself or others.

When we start loving ourselves more, treating ourselves better, and forgiving our faults, foibles, and mistakes, those around us can only follow suit… or fall away. And, if there is a falling out or a falling away in these transformational times, we can do our best to allow that, and send the other person off with love and forgiveness, knowing that when we allow change, rather than resist it, everything really does work out for our Highest Good.

About the author:
Ellyn Dye
is an Author, Intuitive Coach, Metaphysical Teacher, and Public Speaker. A near-death experience in 1985 expanded her psychic abilities and created a link with some very loving—and humorous—Guardians of humanity and the ancient wisdom, the Lion People. They provided her with a vast array of information about life on earth and the evolution of mankind, and they opened an ongoing dialogue with her that has grown stronger over time. She publishes a monthly free newsletter, Tunnel Vision, and you can find her articles in the December 2012 and 2013 “Predictions Issues” of The Sedona Journal of Emergence. She is author of the metaphysical fantasy novel , The Search For The Crystal Key, and is working on a new book, Creating Heaven on Earth. . . One Soul at a Time; A How-To Manual for Ushering In the Golden Age, from the Perspective of a Near-Death Experience. Find out more about Ellyn, her NDE, her coaching, and her books, and calendars at www.LionMagic.com.