April 4, 2023

LISA RENEE (Time Shift Blog): “Be a Safe Person”

“When we have low self-esteem, our ego defense mechanisms will act to block our progress moving forward in our spiritual ascension and evolving in our life. One who understands they are a loved and worthy spiritual vessel for the spirit of God Source, will begin to learn that self-love is at the core of self-acceptance which is the quality one must build to truly feel and experience God’s love for all of us. A peaceful and fulfilling life is most possible when one seeks inner truth and self-knowledge while building a relationship with God and the relationship to the self. If we are to begin to recognize the qualities that define Safe People and safe relationships, we need to first understand what a safe person is and why we need that kind of safety to overcome fear. We need people in our life that will be honest with us, telling us where we are creating harm and potentially where we may need to change, in order to improve ourselves. We need friends that walk according to the truth and are accepting of us, yet they are honest about our weaknesses and faults without condemning us. Safe people can be fully present with others, connecting at deep and intimate levels. Safe people can speak truth to one another, without being offended or taking things personally. Safe people give others the opportunity to grow and become their highest expression, for them as God intended. Safe people create loving and positive feelings and inspire good works, such as being in Service to Others. Safe people create relationships that allow people to be as they are, and draw us closer to feel unity and connection with all of life. Inability to forgive is sourced from anger and resentment, two emotions that can wreak havoc with your health and keep one stagnated. Without the ability to forgive and accept circumstances, in relationship to the self and others, not only does one allow themselves to remain stuck in the past, but this takes a huge energetic drain on your emotional and physical health. We must make an effort to identify what choices we do have, and make changes in our environment that can increase our sense of safety and comfort while in our physical space. Assess the physical and emotional safety of your environment, and realize it may be necessary to remove people or situations from your life who are entrenched in destructive and harmful behaviors, in order to make the necessary changes to your lifestyle. The first step is to identify what makes us feel safe and stable and to do those things every day.”

~Lisa Renee

On the spiritual ascension pathway, recognizing the importance of character building as a necessary part of having self-love and self-acceptance is critical to progress through self-deception ego blocks. Self-deception blocks are levels of ego denial, the half-truths we tell ourselves because we are really afraid to see all of the picture that currently blocks our awareness. When we have low self-esteem, our ego defense mechanisms will act to block our progress moving forward in our spiritual ascension and evolving in our life.

One who understands they are a loved and worthy spiritual vessel for the spirit of God Source, will begin to learn that self-love is at the core of self-acceptance which is the quality one must build to truly feel and experience God’s love for all of us.

Once we feel love for ourselves, we build inner confidence which further builds our trust with the process of life. In these chaotic times, it is very important to build trust in our communications and relationship with our higher power to help us navigate the challenges we find now in earthy life. A person who is more confident about himself, feels more stable in their spiritual foundation and will be more focused and determined to achieve a better state of consciousness with all of life, regardless of whether it is for career, spiritual purpose, inspiration, family or personal goals.

A peaceful and fulfilling life is most possible when one seeks inner truth and self-knowledge while building a relationship with God and the relationship to the self.

When building the relationship with the self it may mean we are taken through character building life experiences that we do not prefer. We must push through our fears that live in the Houses of Ego in order to experience the accomplishment of moving past our perceived mental limitations and negative ego habits. If our mental limitations and/or self-entitlement govern our actions, we will become stunted in our emotional-spiritual growth and fall into symptoms of low self-esteem.

If we are to begin to recognize the qualities that define Safe People and safe relationships, we need to first understand what a safe person is and why we need that kind of safety to overcome fear. We need people in our life that will be honest with us, telling us where we are creating harm and potentially where we may need to change, in order to improve ourselves. We need friends that walk according to the truth and are accepting of us, yet they are honest about our weaknesses and faults without condemning us.

Relationships in which people use shame, guilt or condemn us for our actions are ultimately destructive and traumatizing, which does not produce emotional or spiritual growth. These are the Unsafe People that require us to be different than who we are, in order to be accepted and conditionally loved by them. Conditional love that must be earned is useless, it is a made-up projection from the Negative Ego demands and is not real love. If we do not have this kind of safe person around us yet, we can become that person for ourselves and others. As we intend to clear fears and improve our character, we attract similar people.

Safe people can be fully present with others, connecting at deep and intimate levels.

Safe people can speak truth to one another, without being offended or taking things personally.

Safe people give others the opportunity to grow and become their highest expression, for them as God intended.

Safe people create loving and positive feelings and inspire good works, such as being in Service to Others.

Safe people create relationships that allow people to be as they are, and draw us closer to feel unity and connection with all of life.

In order to heal our mental and emotional body to overcome deep fears, we must know how to establish safety within ourselves and recognize what makes us feel unsafe. Taking good care of our body, having a consistent meditation or spiritual practice to become more inner directed, avoiding exposure to self-harming behaviors, and learning how to manage fear or trauma reactions is essential to being safe within yourself.

The first step is to identify what makes us feel safe and stable and to do those things every day.

We must make an effort to identify what choices we do have, and make changes in our environment that can increase our sense of safety and comfort while in our physical space. Assess the physical and emotional safety of your environment, and realize it may be necessary to remove people or situations from your life who are entrenched in destructive and harmful behaviors, in order to make the necessary changes to your lifestyle. When we are more competent in Emotional Self-Regulation our inner safety is enhanced, so that trust can be formed, as we discover that we really do have the resources inside of us for feeling comforted and safe.

To Forgive Others is Forgiving the Self

To forgive another person or circumstances is the most generous thing one can do for yourself. When we forgive others for perceived transgressions it frees us from the bonds, entanglements and cords which manifest painful patterns such as judgments, resentments, and anger.

Forgiving yourself is the most important action one can take to clearing self-sabotaging bonds of victimhood and their painful wounds from past, present and future. A forgiveness technique is to practice self-acceptance. NO person needs forgiveness for just being who they are. The practice of forgiving yourself is about targeting the specific things that make one feel bad about themselves, the things that make one feel inadequate or unworthy and not about the truth of the real person that you are. As a forgiveness technique, self-acceptance allows one to acknowledge that you are a good person, with faults and all.

This does not mean that one ignores the faults or stops making genuine attempts to improve oneself, but it does mean that one values themselves above ALL of those elements. When one recognizes self-worth by acknowledging ones whole self, then the personal power is generated to stop allowing these faults to be used as weaknesses and continually halt ones progression and evolution throughout life.

Love yourself unconditionally and give yourself permission to heal with the necessary time it takes to do so.

Understanding the importance of forgiveness is that it brings you to the current state of now, rather than dwelling on past hurts and pain. Forgiveness allows one to live in the present instead of the past, which means that one can move into the future with a renewed sense of purpose focused on change, improvement, and building on current experiences, rather than being held back by past pain. Some people are afraid to forgive themselves because they fear losing their sense of self that has been built on the foundation of anger, resentment, blame and vulnerability.

In this case, one may ask themselves if feeling victimized and angry, being the easily hurt and reactive person is the identity you want to show the world and live with as your image. Is the familiarity of being in the victim or victimizer role, or the perceived ego security of this mode of thinking, actually worth the energy, effort and harm it is causing you?

Without the ability to forgive and accept circumstances, in relationship to the self and others, not only does one allow themselves to remain stuck in the past, but this takes a huge energetic drain on your emotional and physical health. Inability to forgive is sourced from anger and resentment, two emotions that can wreak havoc with your health and keep one stagnated.

(Source: Krystal Aegis, Ascension Glossary: Overcoming Self Deception and Relationally Safe People)

~via EnergeticSynthesis.com – Time Shift Blog – April 4, 2023

March 28, 2023

LISA RENEE: “Self Esteem”

“Self Esteem is the value of a person’s worth and there are a lot of factors that come into play, especially in helping a person feel more confident about himself, which is also a primary factor in establishing a person’s outlook towards personal inspiration and feeling as a success. On the spiritual Ascension pathway, recognizing the importance of character building as a necessary part of having self love and self acceptance is critical to progress through self deception blocks. When we have low self esteem our psychological defense mechanisms will act to block our progress moving forward and evolving in life. When building a relationship with the self it may mean we are taken through character building life experiences we do not prefer. We must push through our fears in order to experience the accomplishment of moving past our perceived mental limitations. If our mental limitations and/or self entitlement govern our actions, we will become stunted in our growth and fall into low self esteem. Self-esteem can also align to help a person make better choices, especially when it comes to personal character development, improved learning and coping skills with life which attracts and manifests abundance. Self esteem improves mental and emotional clarity. Low self-esteem or an inferiority complex may result from imbalances that have not been addressed or healed, such as unhealed emotional conflicts. Psychological imbalances such as depression can hinder the person from obtaining a higher level of self-esteem or self-respect. Most people have a need for stable self-respect and self-esteem. Deprivation of these needs may lead to an inferiority complex, weakness, and feelings of helplessness. One who understands they are a loved and worthy spiritual vessel for the spirit of God Source, will begin to learn that self love is at the core of self acceptance which is the quality one must build to truly feel and experience God’s love for all of us. Once we feel love for ourselves we build inner confidence which further builds our trust with life.”

~Lisa Renee

Self Esteem is the value of a person’s worth and there are a lot of factors that come into play, especially in helping a person feel more confident about himself, which is also a primary factor in establishing a person’s outlook towards personal inspiration and feeling as a success. On the spiritual Ascension pathway, recognizing the importance of character building as a necessary part of having self love and self acceptance is critical to progress through self deception blocks. When we have low self esteem our psychological defense mechanisms will act to block our progress moving forward and evolving in life.

One who understands they are a loved and worthy spiritual vessel for the spirit of God Source, will begin to learn that self love is at the core of self acceptance which is the quality one must build to truly feel and experience God’s love for all of us. Once we feel love for ourselves we build inner confidence which further builds our trust with life.

A person who is more confident about himself, the more focused and determined the person is to aim for achieving a better state in life, regardless of whether it be for career, success, spiritual purpose, inspiration, family or personal goals. A peaceful and fulfilling life is most possible when one seeks inner truth and self knowledge while building a relationship with God and the relationship to the self. When building a relationship with the self it may mean we are taken through character building life experiences we do not prefer. We must push through our fears in order to experience the accomplishment of moving past our perceived mental limitations. If our mental limitations and/or self entitlement govern our actions, we will become stunted in our growth and fall into low self esteem. ^[1]

Self Esteem Makes Better Choices

Self-esteem can also align to help a person make better choices, especially when it comes to personal character development, improved learning and coping skills with life which attracts and manifests abundance. Self esteem improves mental and emotional clarity. Self- esteem in one’s personality starts at birth, through parenting, environmental and other factors, and as a person’s consciousness develops and takes shape into adulthood, this is when a person starts to measure himself as to his own value and belief system around self worth. It then shapes how a person looks at himself and compares or assesses himself with the environment or his surroundings and starts to ask himself, do people like me and accept me for being me? Do other people regard me as an example or inspiration for others? How do other people look at me? What is my attitude and behavior towards life? Am I a deserving and worthy person to be loved, appreciated to experience abundance? These are but some of the common social questions that help a human being understand in the earlier growth stages which build his gauge to measure his value and worth as a person.^[1]

Self Respect

All humans have a need to feel respected; this includes the need to have Self Esteem and self-respect. Esteem presents the typical human instinct to be accepted in their community and feel to be a valued member by others. People often engage in activities which give the person a sense of contribution or value. Low self-esteem or an inferiority complex may result from imbalances that have not been addressed or healed, such as unhealed emotional conflicts. People with low self-esteem often look to gain respect from others; they may feel the need to seek fame or glory. However, fame or glory will not help the person to build their self-esteem until they accept who they are internally. Psychological imbalances such as depression can hinder the person from obtaining a higher level of self-esteem or self-respect. Most people have a need for stable self-respect and self-esteem. Deprivation of these needs may lead to an inferiority complex, weakness, and feelings of helplessness.^[2]

Building Self Esteem

Self-esteem formally is “the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and as worthy of happiness”, and while others (parents, teachers, friends) can nurture and support self-esteem in an individual, self-esteem relies upon various internally generated practices. To be responsible to take care of oneself is one way of building self esteem. In Nathan Branden’s framework, there are six “pillars” of generating and building self-esteem:

Living consciously: the practice of being aware of what one is doing while one is doing it, i.e., the practice of mindfulness.
Self-acceptance: the practice of owning truths regarding one’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors; of being kind toward oneself with respect to them; and of being “for” oneself in a basic sense.
Self-responsibility: the practice of owning one’s authorship of one’s actions and of owning one’s capacity to be the cause of the effects one desires.
Self-assertiveness: the practice of treating one’s needs and interests with respect and of expressing them in appropriate ways.
Living purposefully: the practice of formulating goals and of formulating and implementing action plans to achieve them.
Personal integrity: the practice of maintaining alignment between one’s behaviors and convictions.

Branden distinguishes his approach to self-esteem from that of many others by his inclusion of both confidence and worth in his definition of self-esteem, and by his emphasis on the importance of internally generated practices for the improvement and maintenance of self-esteem in every day life. ^[1]

References:

^1.0 ^1.1 ^1.2 Building Self Esteem
Hierarchy of Need

JEAN M. TWENGE, PhD: “Is Donald Trump Actually Insecure Underneath?”

I’m often asked how you can spot a narcissist. Here’s my standard list:

Brag or show off
Name-dropping
Name brands or flashy possessions
Look at themselves in the mirror a lot
Turn the conversation back to him/herself
Insults others
Declarations about being the “best” or “great” without details
Emphasizes his/her status

I wrote that list two years ago — long before Donald Trump started running for president. Yet it could have been written just for him. As others have pointed out, the Donald is a textbook case of narcissistic personality. He is clearly functioning well and thus can’t be classified as having narcissistic personality disorder, the clinical-level form, which by definition only describes someone whose traits are causing them difficulty. Trump, instead, displays narcissism as a personality trait — the type we focus on in The Narcissism Epidemic.

Here’s the question: Is Trump’s narcissism a cover for insecurity? This is known as the “mask model” — the idea that grandiose narcissism is a show to distract people from the deep psychic pain underneath. A recent piece in Time made this claim, arguing that Trump is trying to cover for a “profound insecurity and lack of self-esteem.”

Here’s the problem: At least for grandiose narcissism like Trump’s, there’s no evidence that the mask model is true. Narcissists have high self-esteem on average, not low, and the most aggressive people are those with both high narcissism and high self-esteem. Children who become narcissistic are not those shamed by their parents, but those told they are special.

Perhaps the best evidence comes from studies measuring self-esteem in a subtle way, such as with an implicit self-esteem measure recording people’s reaction time in pairing words like “I” and “me” with words like “bad” and “good.” People who score high on grandiose narcissism also score high on implicit self-esteem. In other words, deep down inside, narcissists think they are awesome.

This is also just plain common sense: Does Trump really seem like he is insecure underneath? Does he seem to be in a state of psychic pain, or even covering for one? No — he’s having the time of his life. So why does he seem to crave all of the attention and adulation? The Time article argues that Trump is trying to fill a deep “psychic hole.”

I have a more straightforward explanation: He likes all of the attention because he thinks he deserves it. It’s never enough not because of psychic pain, but because he thinks everyone should pay attention to him. Attention is fun and gratifying; it has nothing to do with insecurity.

Why the Mask Model of Narcissism Is Dangerous

I will go further: I think it’s dangerous to believe that narcissists are insecure underneath. Not only is it not supported by empirical evidence, but it promotes the idea that the way to deal with narcissists is to boost their self-esteem and heal their “wounds” through more love and affection. This is like suggesting that the way to cure obesity is by giving everyone more doughnuts. The narcissistic person who ruins relationships through his self-centeredness does not need more love or attention — he needs to get kicked to the curb. The young adult who takes advantage of everyone around her does not need her self-esteem boosted — she needs to learn responsibility.

Narcissism is known as the “disease that hurts other people,” and the cure for it is real life — losing a relationship because of selfishness, losing a job because you’ve alienated people. Yes, we should try to understand narcissists and realize that their behavior is explained by this personality trait. But that does not mean we should believe that they are actually insecure — that myth undermines our understanding of narcissism because it presumes that it’s only skin-deep.

Many, many people have been hurt in relationships with narcissists by believing that they can change the person with more love. If only that were true — but sadly, most of the time, it’s not. We can have empathy for people with narcissistic traits, but that does not mean we have to believe they are suffering underneath. Most of the time, they are making other people suffer. They won’t suffer themselves until bad things start happening to them, often as a consequence of their narcissism. It is sad, but it is not due to insecurity.

Trump is not insecure. We should not be looking for the source of his “psychic pain” or expect that someday he will break down and show his true, doubting self. He really does think that he’s that great, and that his ideas are that great. If we believe otherwise — about him or anyone else with these traits — we risk underestimating the true power of the narcissist.

~via PsychologyToday.com

January 22, 2019

NIKKI SAPP: “How To Be Confident While Remaining Humble”

“There’s a thin line between confidence and arrogance… it’s called humility. Confidence smiles, arrogance smirks.”

~Unknown

Somewhere along the line what we recognized as confidence may have been misconstrued a little. We started associating traits like aggressive, loud, opinionated and arrogant with being a confident person. You’ve probably seen the type, or maybe you are the type.

They know FOR SURE that what they believe is the unequivocal truth. Therefore they need to tell everyone about it… constantly.

When they aren’t able to convince someone to believe exactly as they believe they may be caught calling others, “asleep” or a “sheep” or any other plethora of derogatory names that I probably can’t mention here. We also may have misconstrued what it means to be humble a little bit too. Being Humble is associated with weak, shy, meek, and someone who cowers to others.

Someone who is so unsure of themselves or their beliefs that they keep them to themselves and are too insecure to tell everyone they meet their opinion on everything. Is there a way to be both? Can a confident person also be a humble person? In order to answer that question we must dissect what it means to be truly confident, and how does “artificial confidence” come about.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself the whole world accepts him or her”

~Lao Tzu

There are many reasons a person may develop artificial/arrogant confidence. One may be cognitive dissonance, which means they may be holding on to a belief so tightly that when evidence is presented that contradicts this belief they may be completely unwilling to look at the new evidence. They may have become so attached to this belief that it has become a part of their sense of self.

Since they are completely attached to who they think they are it may be a painful experience for them to open their mind up and see things from a different perspective. The actual energy behind holding on to a belief so tightly that you are unwilling to let it go is fear.

The human ego is always afraid to be found out, so to speak, therefore, any threat of someone or something coming along and debunking one of its belief attachments may bring about a negative emotional reaction such as anger. Anytime anger is involved we can be assured that fear is the culprit behind it.

Genuine confidence doesn’t need to get angry because there is no part that fears being wrong or that others aren’t believing them. Another reason a person may develop artificial confidence is because they are insecure.

An insecure person may not truly believe in their theory or themselves so they feel if they can convince others that they are absolutely the right one they can at the same time convince themselves.

This is often done in an aggressive manner, because they are attached to the outcome of people believing them. Again, the fear behind not achieving the outcome they desire is causing them to act in a rude or aggressive manner. Genuine confidence can remain quiet, kind and humble because there is no underlying fear that needs other people to believe exactly what they are saying.

Genuine confidence is humble. It kind of realizes that most people are operating from their own level of understanding and trying to convince them that they are “stupid” or “wrong” usually won’t work anyway. The humble part of them realizes that LIVING and BEING their truth is always more effective than incessant talking or convincing ever will be.

Also, humble confidence isn’t attached to being right. In fact, it happily welcomes new ideas and beliefs because it knows that only when it opens itself up to seeing things from all perspectives is it able to perhaps learn something new.

“The time which people spend in convincing others, even half of this time if they spend on themselves, they can achieve a lot in life.”

~Arvind Katoch

In order to maintain humble confidence about our beliefs we must do two things. One is question ourselves….constantly. You may ask yourself, “Do I know absolutely without a doubt that this belief is true?” Meaning, “Did I see it with my own eyes”- normally the answer to this will be no.

So not to say that you won’t have some beliefs about things that involve situations that you weren’t physically there, but it just means that you always maintain a healthy sense of doubt about your beliefs.

This doesn’t mean that you’re unsure of yourself, it means you are wise, because it means you are open to hearing new evidence. Or you can ask yourself, “Is it possible that I am so attached to this belief that it has become a part of who I think I am?” Or even, “Does it matter if the person I am telling about my belief believes me or not? In this present moment does the fact that they are convinced or not convinced change anything in this exact moment in time?”

“Confidence is silent.

Insecurity is loud.”

~Unknown

You may find that most of the time, the answer to that is “no.” The other thing a person can do in order to remain humbly confident in their beliefs is to realize that every person they come in contact with can only understand things from their own level of understanding. Which means they are only operating from their own personal programming which may or may not be completely different than yours.

So yes, there may be times when you tell someone something and you enlighten them to something that they hadn’t thought of before but there will also be times where any effort to convince will fall on deaf ears.

When you are unattached to the outcome, you will be fine with either without getting frustrated or angered. Once we realize that our “truth” may not be someone else’s “truth” we can completely relax into interpersonal relationships and take every interaction with a human being as a potential learning experience, which will allow us to always be learning and growing as a person.

~via FractalEnlightenment.com

July 3, 2016

DIANE KATHERINE: “6 Reasons Empaths Freeze Around Inauthentic People”

When an Empath comes across fake people it is common for them to shut down as a form of protection. This can be seen as stumbling over words or one’s memory and thought process being affected. Anyone who is not emanating truthful vibes will put an Empath on high alert.

In my days as a hairdresser, I could never understand why when I was with certain clients, who came across lovely, I would get awful feelings inside. It was only when I discovered I was an Empath that it all made sense to me. I was feeling their pain that they were hiding in fake behavior.

There are many levels of falseness and many reasons for it. In the early days of discovering of one’s Empathic abilities it may not always be easy to pinpoint just why someone feels so bad to you.

Here are some traits and behaviors that may leave you feeling awful:

Someone who wants to loved by everyone they meet acts overly nice to get adoration.
Someone being filled with hate or anger yet working hard to convince the world otherwise.
Someone having had an emotionally destructive childhood leaving them insecure and in pain, yet playing the tough guy.
Someone building a totally new personality to hide the person they believe will not be accepted by society.
Someone being full of insincere praise for you.
Someone making up stories to make themselves sound interesting

And this is how you may find yourself reacting:

Avoiding being in their presence, yet not really having a reason to do so (as in they did not say or do anything to hurt you).
Not being able to talk to them. Sentences literally won’t form in your mouth and your brain acts like you have no memory. You find yourself just asking questions and if you do talk it feels like it makes no sense.
Having a sense of dread in the pit of stomach that won’t go until you are no longer in said person’s presence.
Any more than an hour spent in their company will drain you and leave you feeling ill.
Feeling guilty because you may like person but dislike how it feels to be with them.
Feeling helpless around them.

Now just because an Empath feels fakeness and untruths in another does not mean they do not fake themselves. For some, when they feel bad around a faker it may mean they are picking up a trait they do not like about themselves and they too hide it from the world.

We all have to put a face on and act fake at some point in our lives, but for some it’s everyday. We may have to be upbeat and happy when we feel sad or depressed, we may have to act annoyed when we are actually indifferent or we may have to pretend to love a job we actually detest. In some cases faking it can get us through difficult situations, but living it daily is not healthy.

It is important for the Empath to uncover any hidden traits and emotions, because whilst we bury a side of us we do not like we will never be happy or feel complete. However, the problem we have is that many of us do not know the root cause.

One of the biggest causes of unhappiness on this planet is people not knowing themselves and when we hide a side of us from others without knowing the reason, it will cause us pain. Being true and authentic is emotionally freeing. Quite often, many of the traits we buried have in fact been inherited and passed down the family line or they may even be from a past life. Wherever they stemmed from it is important for us to uncover these traits, and if they can’t be changed (some traits are hardwired), accept and learn to live with them.

Sensitive people will bury negative traits because we know how destructive they are but burying them does not lose them. They will always show up and cause damage.

Hate, anger, jealousy and fear of rejection are four traits most often buried. We may hate someone for the way they have behaved towards us. Anger may have been inherited from an angry parent. Praise and attention being bestowed on a childhood friend or sibling may have led to a jealous streak and being rejected as a child, by an unknowing parent for instance, may have built up inside as an intense fear of rejection. All very simple and innocent triggers, but all of which can snowball and lead us to have deep set insecurities that we feel have to remain hidden. When we recognize and accept a trait in self, it loses its hold.

~via AwakeningPeople.com