SURVIVING NARCISSISM: “Narcissist, Sociopath or Psychopath? How To Recognize The Distinctions”

 

~via Surviving Narcissism

LISA RENEE (Time Shift Blog): “Hero-Savior or Messiah Complex”

“The Hero-Savior or Messiah Complex is double sided, showing an outer persona that is much different than the hidden or inner persona. On the surface, the general belief system is that the people around them need saving and are helpless and powerless, and therefore they need a savior or messiah. In the subconscious mind and in the hidden aspects of the personality, the negative ego may actually desire to steal another’s resources and energy to accomplish their own selfish goals. They are looking to cull groups of people in order to get the energy or prestige they are looking for in order to fill the inner void. This is so that they can feel or be more powerful than the people they say that they are saving. It’s a deeply buried subconscious complex, usually driven by mind control tactics, to feel more powerful than others by gaining fame or status, and to make up for feeling powerless and insignificant deep down inside.”

~Lisa Renee

 

Controller Programs is a term used to describe multiple layers of Victimizer Mind Control that is used psychologically and emotionally to program humanity to think in polarizing thoughts of division, violence and hatred in order to believe in the fear based control systems that shape the death culture. The death culture is backed by the Archontic Deception Strategies used by the NAA forces to divide and conquer humanity. The enforcement of these Controller Programs is accomplished by forcing false egoic identities and related thought patterns into the minds of the people that are called Victimizer Archetypes. When we understand these Victimizer Archetypes are being targeted into the collective consciousness of the human race, we can learn how they work to drain our energy and feed Consumptive Modeling, and Parasitism. Thus, we can stop playing into these harmful archetypes, as well as feeding into the dramas they generate, by not letting other people project these archetypes onto us. Essentially, we refuse to take the bait of emotional manipulation in those attempting to draw us into playing out these destructive archetypes, many times for the purpose of dividing and polarizing issues into more destructive conflicts that exist between groups of people. Through the intentional Psycho-Spiritual Warfare made against the minds of the human population, the masses are made pliable and subservient to follow the NAA masking themselves as the False King of Tyranny archetype. This is in the attempt to find absolute rule and control by the Power Elite, by manipulating the False Parent archetypes to gain a False Father authority over the masses.

As an unconscious reaction to the ongoing spiritual oppression and persecution complex rampant on the planet, some awakening people fall prey to the victimizer archetype that is used to intentionally generate the destructive sides of the hero-savior or messiah complex. A messiah complex (also known as the Christ complex or savior complex) is a state of mind in which an individual holds a belief that they are destined to become a savior. The term can also refer to a state of mind in which an individual believes that he or she is responsible for saving or assisting others from achieving certain doom on a grand scale.

Hero-Savior or Messiah Complex is a Victim-Victimizer software mind control archetype that is used to target Starseeds and spiritually developing people in so to derail them, and to ultimately mentally and emotionally fracture them. Many guru types are targeted with this archetypal programming in so they will fall into more mental and emotional body distortions, to the point they lose coherence and all semblance of clear discernment in their own actions. Over time, when a person in leadership is not taking responsibility for their actions because they believe they are a hero-savior or messiah and thus, above all reproach, this is a blaring blind spot for dark manipulation, gaslighting and even possession to take hold. This is one of the Controller Programs that is a sub program of the Victim-Victimizer software program and is a collective miasm on the earth, that has been accumulated through many traumatic and tragic events in our history taking place over many generations.

The Hero-Savior or Messiah Complex is double sided, showing an outer persona that is much different than the hidden or inner persona. On the surface, the general belief system is that the people around them need saving and are helpless and powerless, and therefore they need a savior or messiah. In the subconscious mind and in the hidden aspects of the personality, the negative ego may actually desire to steal another’s resources and energy to accomplish their own selfish goals. They are looking to cull groups of people in order to get the energy or prestige they are looking for in order to fill the inner void. This is so that they can feel or be more powerful than the people they say that they are saving. It’s a deeply buried subconscious complex, usually driven by mind control tactics, to feel more powerful than others by gaining fame or status, and to make up for feeling powerless and insignificant deep down inside.

Currently, the term “messiah complex” is not addressed formally in the psychology field in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), as it is not a clinical term nor diagnosable disorder. However, the symptoms of the disorder closely resemble those found in individuals suffering from delusions of grandeur, an inability to see the actual reality as it is. Recorded accounts specifically identified messiah complex in the category of religious delusion, which pertains to strong fixed beliefs that cause emotional distress or disability. This form of delusional belief is most often reported in patients that are suffering from bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. In spiritual context, these mental disorders are closely related to soul fragmentation and attachments which cause disordered and incoherent thinking. When a messiah complex is manifested within a religious individual after a visit to Jerusalem, it may be identified as a psychosis known as Jerusalem Syndrome.

In mainstream psychology, Adolf Hitler is considered to have had an acute case of the messiah complex. This was evident in his preoccupation with himself as a political actor, his meticulous concern for his self-presentation, and his negative ego identification with himself as the hero-savior of the German people. Hitler believed that he was fated by higher powers to lead Germany to a thousand-year-long period of European domination and that he was chosen to rid Europe of undesirable people. This example shows how the messiah complex in such rare individuals can cause unimaginable destruction when combined with narcissistic and paranoid traits. In the Guardian context, Hitler was groomed and aided by the Black Sun Orion Groups. Thus, his mental and emotional weaknesses were exploited to intentionally murder many people for blood sacrifice, and essentially an egoic monster and demonic presence was co-created within him in order to carry out his brutal crimes against humanity.

According to the website People Skills Decoded, “The savior complex is a psychological construct which makes a person feel the need to save other people. This person has a strong tendency to seek people who desperately need help and to assist them, often sacrificing their own needs for these people.”

Emotionally codependent people, often live in denial and self-deception. When emotionally codependent people begin to awaken into spiritual experiences and shift into new age thoughtforms, this can be a toxic combination if that person is unwilling to face their own shadow selves, and take responsibility to do the inner emotional work to regain more emotionally healthy patterns. Thus, they may refer back to similar patterns and characteristics that may describe Hero-Savior or Messiah Complex such as:

  • They may believe that other people are incapable of taking care of themselves, that they are powerless or helpless and need them to be a messiah.
  • Believing that they are a savior, messiah or guru, specially chosen by God above others. That they alone are responsible for miraculous acts of healing, this is a part of Spiritual Ego or Messiah Complex.
  • They may attempt to convince or manipulate others in what to think, do, or feel because they believe they have the answers or know better. Some want to be famous under the guise of spreading their message.
  • They freely offer advice and direction without being asked, and may even get mad if you don’t take their advice.
  • Many have to feel needed by others, a sense of belonging or in authority, in order to have a relationship with others.
  • Project or transfer their own hidden negative traits onto other people or situations around them. A common retort is, “You must not be conscious enough to see how evolved I am…etc.”
  • Perceive themselves as completely selfless and dedicated to the welfare and wellbeing of others around them, many times when they are actually psychic vampires and emotionally draining to be with.
  • Have difficulty admitting mistakes, not able to address conflicts, change negative behaviors or apologize when it’s appropriate to do so.

Awakening Starseeds are commonly targeted from lower energetic discernment levels to put themselves in dangerous or destructive scenarios because they believe “God or their Guides told them to do that”. Newly awakening people generally have to heal the Hero-Savior complex as if not corrected, this error in thinking will form into spiritual ambition that is based in unhealthy Negative Ego attitudes. Usually, this means the person becomes an endangerment to themselves, because they put themselves in the hero position thinking they are needed to save others, but really they are getting caught in the crossfire of spiritual battle. They misinterpret their personal awakening experiences that may form into hero-savior complex. That they are here to save the world, because the people around them do not have the level of intelligence or Consciousness awareness that they may feel they are accessing. As usual, kernels of truth are manipulated in order to create great confusion and chaos, in so that the awakening person is not effective or successful in their mission, but taken off course through a series of delusions.

Generally, in spiritual community, it is common that the person with unhealed Hero-Savior complex will attempt to save people around them from some imagined threat or vision fed to them by the NAA in Holographic Inserts in order to divide and conquer the group effort or disrupt group projects. Thus, the person in the hero or messiah complex is used skillfully by the NAA and becomes a dark portal used to destroy group unity by feeding dramas, malicious gossip, divided competition and making assumptions without having the facts. Usually, these are garden variety negative ego power games and emotional dramas that are carried out in the guise of needing to save others from some imagined wrong doing or person that is evil.

When we are empathic to the pain of others, we can be easily manipulated by the pain we feel, in that we may not understand its actual causal source or where the pain is really coming from. The Victimizer Collective Archetypes that contain empathic feelings are designed to instigate the Hero-Savior or messiah complex in order to trap that person into sacrificing themselves for others, or being led into destructive situations, thereby they are set up to be easily persecuted and victimized. On planet earth, many awakening people, especially Starseed people, have been implanted with false memories or cloned memories of famous religious or spiritual personalities recorded throughout planetary history. Multiple thousands have been implanted with holographic inserts that feed false memories of the Guardian Christos Mission, such as Yeshua and Mary, Akhenaten and Nefertiti, as well as many other significant people and timelines that are given as the standard curriculum about human history. Obviously, this was a tactic to confuse the origins of our real history and hide the identity of significant people, Jesus and Archangel Michael being some of the most cloned images used by the imposter forces to manipulate the human race.

The dark is fantastic at finding weaknesses inside us and then exploiting and manipulating them on the external. We can use these opportunities as spiritual lessons. As when we can see our weaknesses, locate our vulnerability and participate consciously with it by surrendering, and calling out imposter spirits, we gain immense inner clarity. May you devote your life to serve God or your highest spiritual expression.

 

(Ascension Glossary: Messiah Complex, Dark Force Manipulation Methods, Victimizer Archetypes)

 

~via EnergeticSynthesis.com – Time Shift Blog – posted April 23, 2019

PHILOSOPHY FOR THE DAY ~ Eric Raines on Toxic People

“It is about you and your healing after all. We have the ability to create boundaries for those with none and in this process we find our self-worth… we begin to value ourselves.”

~Eric Raines

 

~via Unleashing Natural Humanity

NIKKI SAPP: “How To Be Confident While Remaining Humble”

“There’s a thin line between confidence and arrogance… it’s called humility. Confidence smiles, arrogance smirks.”

~Unknown

 

Somewhere along the line what we recognized as confidence may have been misconstrued a little. We started associating traits like aggressive, loud, opinionated and arrogant with being a confident person. You’ve probably seen the type, or maybe you are the type.

They know FOR SURE that what they believe is the unequivocal truth. Therefore they need to tell everyone about it… constantly.

When they aren’t able to convince someone to believe exactly as they believe they may be caught calling others, “asleep” or a “sheep” or any other plethora of derogatory names that I probably can’t mention here. We also may have misconstrued what it means to be humble a little bit too. Being Humble is associated with weak, shy, meek, and someone who cowers to others.

Someone who is so unsure of themselves or their beliefs that they keep them to themselves and are too insecure to tell everyone they meet their opinion on everything. Is there a way to be both? Can a confident person also be a humble person? In order to answer that question we must dissect what it means to be truly confident, and how does “artificial confidence” come about.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself the whole world accepts him or her”

~Lao Tzu

 

There are many reasons a person may develop artificial/arrogant confidence. One may be cognitive dissonance, which means they may be holding on to a belief so tightly that when evidence is presented that contradicts this belief they may be completely unwilling to look at the new evidence. They may have become so attached to this belief that it has become a part of their sense of self.

Since they are completely attached to who they think they are it may be a painful experience for them to open their mind up and see things from a different perspective. The actual energy behind holding on to a belief so tightly that you are unwilling to let it go is fear.

The human ego is always afraid to be found out, so to speak, therefore, any threat of someone or something coming along and debunking one of its belief attachments may bring about a negative emotional reaction such as anger. Anytime anger is involved we can be assured that fear is the culprit behind it.

Genuine confidence doesn’t need to get angry because there is no part that fears being wrong or that others aren’t believing them. Another reason a person may develop artificial confidence is because they are insecure.

An insecure person may not truly believe in their theory or themselves so they feel if they can convince others that they are absolutely the right one they can at the same time convince themselves.

This is often done in an aggressive manner, because they are attached to the outcome of people believing them. Again, the fear behind not achieving the outcome they desire is causing them to act in a rude or aggressive manner. Genuine confidence can remain quiet, kind and humble because there is no underlying fear that needs other people to believe exactly what they are saying.

Genuine confidence is humble. It kind of realizes that most people are operating from their own level of understanding and trying to convince them that they are “stupid” or “wrong” usually won’t work anyway. The humble part of them realizes that LIVING and BEING their truth is always more effective than incessant talking or convincing ever will be.

Also, humble confidence isn’t attached to being right. In fact, it happily welcomes new ideas and beliefs because it knows that only when it opens itself up to seeing things from all perspectives is it able to perhaps learn something new.

“The time which people spend in convincing others, even half of this time if they spend on themselves, they can achieve a lot in life.”

~Arvind Katoch

 

In order to maintain humble confidence about our beliefs we must do two things. One is question ourselves….constantly. You may ask yourself, “Do I know absolutely without a doubt that this belief is true?” Meaning, “Did I see it with my own eyes”- normally the answer to this will be no.

So not to say that you won’t have some beliefs about things that involve situations that you weren’t physically there, but it just means that you always maintain a healthy sense of doubt about your beliefs.

This doesn’t mean that you’re unsure of yourself, it means you are wise, because it means you are open to hearing new evidence. Or you can ask yourself, “Is it possible that I am so attached to this belief that it has become a part of who I think I am?” Or even, “Does it matter if the person I am telling about my belief believes me or not? In this present moment does the fact that they are convinced or not convinced change anything in this exact moment in time?”

“Confidence is silent.

Insecurity is loud.”

~Unknown

 

You may find that most of the time, the answer to that is “no.” The other thing a person can do in order to remain humbly confident in their beliefs is to realize that every person they come in contact with can only understand things from their own level of understanding. Which means they are only operating from their own personal programming which may or may not be completely different than yours.

So yes, there may be times when you tell someone something and you enlighten them to something that they hadn’t thought of before but there will also be times where any effort to convince will fall on deaf ears.

When you are unattached to the outcome, you will be fine with either without getting frustrated or angered. Once we realize that our “truth” may not be someone else’s “truth” we can completely relax into interpersonal relationships and take every interaction with a human being as a potential learning experience, which will allow us to always be learning and growing as a person.

 

~via FractalEnlightenment.com

THE MINDS JOURNAL: “10 Signs You Have A Toxic Partner Who Will Try To Take Away Your Happiness”

One form of love, which is considered the most frequent, is, unfortunately, toxic love. This love appears as a result of insecurity or fear, and it does not do favors to anyone.

Our environment will become even more toxic when we get attached more and more to those people that are wrong for us. Toxic people have the ability to drain us of our happiness, regardless of the fact if we allow that or not. These people build their toxic relationships on an unstable foundation.

Here, we will present you some sign which indicated that you might be in such a relationship, or signs which suggest that you are with a toxic partner. You will definitely need a change when you notice these signs because toxic people and relationships cannot be suitable for every one of us.

10 Signs You Have A Toxic Partner Who Will Try To Take Away Your Happiness

 

1. You are not a priority.

Sorry about this, but when you are not your partner’s priority now, you will never be. He or she has to hold you on the identical standard they hold themselves. Refusing to do that will be a sign that you have to move on, as you deserve a lot more.

2. They’re always blaming you for their mistakes.

The mistakes they made cannot be yours; they have to be prepared for everything they say or do. You should never be blamed for their own mistakes. Toxic people are obsessed with the idea of bringing other people down, especially those that they are closest with.

3. They have serious double principles and standards.

These people believe that they can do everything, while their partners are not allowed to do those same things. For example, you would like to go outside and spend some time together with friends, and in the same time, your partner is also with his friends; however, they will refuse that right when you ask them. Remember that they see you just as their property and not as their loved one.

4. They don’t like your loved ones.

Usually, toxic people will not really like the ones that really matter to you. They will not like that idea as those that care about you will normally see their true self. In fact, toxic people hate this, so they are going to try hard in order to keep you far from your loved ones.

5. They disrespect your boundaries.

Toxic people will never respect your limits, and they are always going to do something or force you into certain things which you wouldn’t like to do. As a result of this, you will find yourself in uncomfortable situations, which are not supposed to happen.

6. They always make you feel sad.

They seem like they try their best in order to bring those that love them down. Toxic people will not support those around them, but they will tear those people apart. For example, when you are happy about something, they are going to everything in order to ruin your happiness. This pleases them after all.

7. They tend to lie to you a lot.

So, for some unknown reasons, toxic people feel good when they lie. So, they are going to lie you about something that is insignificant and goes too far in order to reach their goal, which is making you feel terrible. Remember that you cannot trust someone you love although you would like to do it with your whole heart.

8. They won’t give you a space for yourself.

Toxic people never allow their partners to have their personal space. For example, having your personal space means having time to reflect and think, and thinking well may make you come to the decision of leaving your partner. These people love crossing boundaries, so when you do something without their permission, they will be furious.

9. They attempt to control you.

These people adore controlling you, and not only you but every single thing in life. This type of control means the ultimate superpower for them. Just said, they would like to have the ability to control you and make you do what they want you to do. They are going to cut ties when they see that they are not able to control you.

10. They don’t care about your necessities.

These people are never going to listen to you or care about your own necessities. They are selfish people, so they don’t want to worry about you or about everything you need. They practice only self-care, although you may be in a relationship for a long time.

 

~via TheMindsJournal.com

SOUL TRAVEL RULES: “5 Signs You Are Dealing With a Complete Narcissist”

Narcissists are people who are always full of themselves. They don’t look beyond themselves. They end up hurting people around who are compassionate and sensitive.

Narcissists always want to be the eye of the storm. They want constant attention. They dump the burden of their insecurities on others. Narcissists make people miserable in a number of ways. The term narcissist has its root in the Greek mythology. It comes from the myth about Narcissus. Narcissus was a man who fell in love with his own reflection. This self-obsession led to his demise eventually.

Freud has often theorized about this idea of narcissism and self-absorption. He had claimed that such people are far from the real world and often lead to their own doom. Moreover, it is not very tough to spot narcissists around us these days.

Here is a list of signs that show that you are dealing with a complete narcissist:

1) They think they are the masters of everything and know almost everything.

They can preach a doctor about medicine. This is how they are. Highly interruptive, narcissists hate those conversations which are either neutral or not about them. They crave attention and try to drive the conversations towards themselves only.

2) They are never the rule, always the exception.

Just as they assume they are superior to others in every way possible, they also believe themselves to be at the top of the ladder. They believe that laws and dictates are below them.

3) Their first impression creates a deep impact within us.

However, with time, their true colors are out there for people to see. They exude charm, and confidence. But they wear off and emotionally drain you.

4) They feed their ego by bringing people down.

Narcissists tend to use rage to put you into a submissive stance so that they can naturally dominate and rule.

5) They have zero empathy.

They aren’t wired to be sensitive towards others. Though neutral themselves, they know the tactics of how a human empath can be manipulated.

 

~via SoulTravelRules.com

ALLISON ENGEL: “The Psychopath Archetype”

Generally speaking, when we think in terms of psychopathy, we think serial killers and a few names come to mind; Manson, Gein, Dahmer and so on and so forth.  What if the behavioral mechanism that constitutes these extreme behavior patterns weren’t that far from home?

  • In the archetypal suite, there is a fine line between spirituality and psychosis, a fine line between genius and madness.  We walk this line every day in our waking life.
  • Is there a torture chamber within the recesses of your subliminal reality?
  • Are you trying to escape a certain set of rules or trauma?

It is quite possible that obeying the rules of society is harder because of the anima/animus within your own psyche.  Anima/Animus possession will cause a neurotic, often narcissistic/egoic and predatory behavior in seemingly every day people.  It is the energetic imprint of trauma.  We know that trauma begets trauma, but what is the correlation and the energetic exchange between authority/aggressor/perpetrator/narcissistic parent and the child/victim/abuse?  It is the fact that these worlds actually collide.

The child/victim archetype merges with the perpetrator/predator and it fractalizes behavioral elements due to the loss of innocence and imprint of paralyses, shock, and horror.

  • Is it helpful to be shocked and disgusted by others or world events?
  • Does it separate you into a class of world citizens that are not also able to shock and disgust others with your beliefs?
  • How do you become a victim by being challenged into cognitive dissonance and by new thought processes or concepts?

Your shadow is trained to stay resilient by focusing and reminding you that the problem is out there and not within.

  • Is it more painful to be you than you would like to admit?
  • Is there still a traumatic imprint that hasn’t been healed from yet?
  • Is shying away from this archetype helping your hard-drive function or is it continuing to affect you and others in your experience?

This pressure cooker will continue to steam if we are not able to separate the facts from fiction in our waking life.  This serves as an analgesic and an escape route into the other realms.  When we experience anima/animus possession there is a voice in our head reminding us that we are never going to approximate to anything and at the same time augments into specialness or righteousness. It is the ultimate bi-polar regimen.

The child is covering over its impermeable and nihilistic and confused frustrations with efforts to self-aggrandize and hold onto a layer of unneeded and unending suffering.  It is very much there to rob the individual of its accomplishments and of the present moment.  This is very much the issue with people who just can’t seem to get it together.

There is a need to separate the anima/animus from the shadow.

  • What do you believe about others in your experience?
  • Are they being de-humanized by your belief systems in your fragmented archetypes?

There will continue to be whispers of specialness with the savior archetype attached to the idea that the rules simply don’t apply.  There is a lack of linear time awareness and thus the regression into opposing archetypes happens quickly and like a landslide.

Due to the temporal deficit, the child is only able to micromanage other’s causes and effects and blame the institutions and parents, siblings.  Once the parents, the government, or institutions are fixed, then the child or self will be okay.  Unopposed this creates an unwillingness to conform.  Then it landslides back into the recesses of the unconscious to continue to blame and shame others.  There is any underlying need to fit in and an inability to accept rules.

There is a ghost in the archetypal suite that forms the base layers of consciousness that drives the ego.  The ego is not fully formed though, as it wears a narcissistic mask to hide the monstrous and tiny incoherent self.  The only way to stop this is to call out the shadow and at the same time observe the anima/animus and its effects.  The key here is to see the dark and the light attributes in both the father and the mother and coherently structure a self between the two perceptions of evil and divine in both.  When we are unable to see these distortions in our “selves”, we continue to project and augment others and the world strategy.

We continue to battle light and dark as if the human psyche within is not both capable of war and love.  Once these two concepts are de-fragmented, the light joins the shadow and it then can empower the individuation instead of the person’s power continuing to be withheld and outside of itself.

The psychopath archetype is an imprint of formidable psychosis that suggests that fear will best train and control the masses.  Just turn on the news and see if this energy resonates within your structure.  Are you either obsessed with listening or looking into the fear programs or is there a fear of hearing people with other ideas speaking?  Mass media has become a church that is subdivided in what will illicit and entice and what is safe and marks fervent debauchery.  How is this actually your own inability to be challenged or communicate effectively?  Are you not being heard and can you actually hear others?  Logic is not communicated easily when all affronts are up and ready for combat.  You can’t hear clarity if you have to protect a small self from identification with static ideas that serve nothing but self-gratification.

  • Is fear constituting your bandwidth on either side of this polarity?
  • Would you be able to be challenged outside of your comfort zone to see that psychopathy is leading and is possibly innate within each other’s own consciousness?
  • Would you be able to question the concept of sanity/insanity within authority or are you still subdivided within your own unconscious parts that store this energetic signature?

War is not love.  Murder is not a blessing in disguise.  Torture is not something to be shared on Facebook.  What is it in you that is so fragmented that sees brutality and thinks it is needed?  Delineation is hard when the formatted hard drive wasn’t in linear fashion.  This is anima/animus possession and is part of the loss of time constructs in the psyche.  It is not readily talked about but can be seen as projected matter into the ideation of others.

Inconsistencies then rear their ugly head within the psyche until the archetypes are seen and heard and healed.

The archetypes are all polarized and have been for centuries.

Are you ready to fight the war within your own consciousness to battle directly and lovingly the consciousness of others?

Allison Engel

 

 

~via In5D.com

DR. TRAVIS BRADBERRY: “10 Toxic People You Should Avoid At All Costs”

Empathic.png

Toxic people defy logic. Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact that they have on those around them, and others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos and pushing other people’s buttons.

As important as it is to learn how to deal with different kinds of people, truly toxic people will never be worth your time and energy—and they take a lot of each. Toxic people create unnecessary complexity, strife, and, worst of all, stress.

“People inspire you, or they drain you—pick them wisely.”

Hans F. Hanse

Recent research from Friedrich Schiller University in Germany shows just how serious toxic people are. They found that exposure to stimuli that cause strong negative emotions—the same kind of exposure you get when dealing with toxic people—caused subjects’ brains to have a massive stress response. Whether it’s negativity, cruelty, the victim syndrome, or just plain craziness, toxic people drive your brain into a stressed-out state that should be avoided at all costs.

Studies have long shown that stress can have a lasting, negative impact on the brain. Exposure to even a few days of stress compromises the effectiveness of neurons in the hippocampus, an important brain area responsible for reasoning and memory. Weeks of stress cause reversible damage to brain cells, and months of stress can permanently destroy them. Toxic people don’t just make you miserable—they’re really hard on your brain.

The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we’ve found that 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control. One of their greatest gifts is the ability to identify toxic people and keep them at bay.

It’s often said that you’re the product of the five people you spend the most time with. If you allow even one of those five people to be toxic, you’ll soon find out how capable he or she is of holding you back.

You can’t hope to distance yourself from toxic people until you first know who they are. The trick is to separate those who are annoying or simply difficult from those who are truly toxic. What follows are ten types of toxic drainers that you should stay away from at all costs so that you don’t become one yourself.

1. The Gossip

“Great minds discuss ideas, average ones discuss events, and small minds discuss people.”

–Eleanor Roosevelt

Gossipers derive pleasure from other people’s misfortunes. It might be fun to peer into somebody else’s personal or professional faux pas at first, but over time, it gets tiring, makes you feel gross, and hurts other people. There are too many positives out there and too much to learn from interesting people to waste your time talking about the misfortune of others.

2. The Temperamental

Some people have absolutely no control over their emotions. They will lash out at you and project their feelings onto you, all the while thinking that you’re the one causing their malaise. Temperamental people are tough to dump from your life because their lack of control over their emotions makes you feel bad for them. When push comes to shove though, temperamental people will use you as their emotional toilet and should be avoided at all costs.

3. The Victim

Victims are tough to identify because you initially empathize with their problems. But as time passes, you begin to realize that their “time of need” is all the time. Victims actively push away any personal responsibility by making every speed bump they encounter into an uncrossable mountain. They don’t see tough times as opportunities to learn and grow from; instead, they see them as an out. There’s an old saying: “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.” It perfectly captures the toxicity of the victim, who chooses to suffer every time.

4. The Self-Absorbed

Self-absorbed people bring you down through the impassionate distance they maintain from other people. You can usually tell when you’re hanging around self-absorbed people because you start to feel completely alone. This happens because as far as they’re concerned, there’s no point in having a real connection between them and anyone else. You’re merely a tool used to build their self-esteem.

5. The Envious

To envious people, the grass is always greener somewhere else. Even when something great happens to envious people, they don’t derive any satisfaction from it. This is because they measure their fortune against the world’s when they should be deriving their satisfaction from within. And let’s face it, there’s always someone out there who’s doing better if you look hard enough. Spending too much time around envious people is dangerous because they teach you to trivialize your own accomplishments.

 6. The Manipulator

Manipulators suck time and energy out of your life under the façade of friendship. They can be tricky to deal with because they treat you like a friend. They know what you like, what makes you happy, and what you think is funny, but the difference is that they use this information as part of a hidden agenda. Manipulators always want something from you, and if you look back on your relationships with them, it’s all take, take, take, with little or no giving. They’ll do anything to win you over just so they can work you over.

7. The Dementor

In J. K. Rowling’s “Harry Potter” series, Dementors are evil creatures that suck people’s souls out of their bodies, leaving them merely as shells of humans. Whenever a Dementor enters the room, it goes dark, people get cold, and they begin to recall their worst memories. Rowling said that she developed the concept for Dementors based on highly negative people—the kind of people who have the ability to walk into a room and instantly suck the life out of it.

Dementors suck the life out of the room by imposing their negativity and pessimism upon everyone they encounter. Their viewpoints are always glass half empty, and they can inject fear and concern into even the most benign situations. A Notre Dame University study found that students assigned to roommates who thought negatively were far more likely to develop negative thinking and even depression themselves.

8. The Twisted

There are certain toxic people who have bad intentions, deriving deep satisfaction from the pain and misery of others. They are either out to hurt you, to make you feel bad, or to get something from you; otherwise, they have no interest in you. The only good thing about this type is that you can spot their intentions quickly, which makes it that much faster to get them out of your life.

9. The Judgmental

Judgmental people are quick to tell you exactly what is and isn’t cool. They have a way of taking the thing you’re most passionate about and making you feel terrible about it. Instead of appreciating and learning from people who are different from them, judgmental people look down on others. Judgmental people stifle your desire to be a passionate, expressive person, so you’re best off cutting them out and being yourself.

10. The Arrogant

Arrogant people are a waste of your time because they see everything you do as a personal challenge. Arrogance is false confidence, and it always masks major insecurities. A University of Akron study found that arrogance is correlated with a slew of problems in the workplace. Arrogant people tend to be lower performers, more disagreeable, and have more cognitive problems than the average person.

How to Protect Yourself Once You Spot ’Em

Toxic people drive you crazy because their behavior is so irrational. Make no mistake about it—their behavior truly goes against reason, so why do you allow yourself to respond to them emotionally and get sucked into the mix?

The more irrational and off-base someone is, the easier it should be for you to remove yourself from their traps. Quit trying to beat them at their own game. Distance yourself from them emotionally, and approach your interactions with them like they’re a science project (or you’re their shrink if you prefer that analogy). You don’t need to respond to the emotional chaos—only the facts.

Maintaining an emotional distance requires awareness. You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons if you don’t recognize when it’s happening. Sometimes you’ll find yourself in situations where you’ll need to regroup and choose the best way forward. This is fine, and you shouldn’t be afraid to buy yourself some time to do so.

Most people feel as though because they work or live with someone, they have no way to control the chaos. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Once you’ve identified a toxic person, you’ll begin to find their behavior more predictable and easier to understand. This will equip you to think rationally about when and where you have to put up with them and when and where you don’t. You can establish boundaries, but you’ll have to do so consciously and proactively. If you let things happen naturally, you’re bound to find yourself constantly embroiled in difficult conversations. If you set boundaries and decide when and where you’ll engage a difficult person, you can control much of the chaos. The only trick is to stick to your guns and keep boundaries in place when the person tries to cross them, which they will.

 

 

 

 

 

~via TalentSmart.com