FIONA REILLY: “Four Tips for Effective Listening”

The gift of being heard is something really precious. Having someone listen attentively to our expression or story is very healing and can enable us find our own understanding, acceptance, balance and joy again. Listening sounds like a very simple thing and indeed it is, yet many of us struggle to listen effectively. Being a good listener requires being present and fully attentive to the other. It is not about offering advice or fixing anything or making the other feel better, it’s simply being there and paying attention.

 

“Whatever life we have experienced, if we can tell our story to someone who listens, we find it easier to deal with our circumstances.”

~Margaret J. Wheatley

 

Four Tips for Effective Listening

So how might we listen more effectively… there are many things that can help! Below I outline four suggestions that I have found to be fundamental to good listening.

Be Present

Initially, it is vital to be present and with the speaker, to give them our full attention. If possible find a quiet place for a listening exchange where you are unlikely to be disturbed. Turn off phones and any background noise. Honour your boundaries, if you feel you only have 20 minutes to listen, say so at the beginning so the boundaries are clear or explain that now is a not a good time and arrange to connect when the time is right. To the best of your ability come from a place of acceptance and compassion and avoid judgement of them or their story. Be fully attentive to them and the energy between you.

 

“Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don’t have to do anything else. We don’t have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen.”

~Margaret J. Wheatley

 

Simply Listen

Many of us want to try to fix and make things better for the other person, yet the most beneficial way is for them to work through whatever is arising and to find their own solutions. The way to help someone feel better is to encourage them to be with their pain or confusion or whatever their experience is, to explore it and then they may feel empowered to move through it. Telling someone they need to be strong or things will get better or something similar isn’t effective longterm and can be disempowering. So try not to fix the situation or offer solutions unless they are invited. When listening our purpose isn’t to make a person feel better, simply by having their experiences heard in a non-judgemental and accepting way can allow things to shift and heal.

 

“The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed — to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is.”

~Paul Parker

 

Focus On the Speaker’s Perspective

While it’s useful to be able to identify with their experience, telling someone of your similar experience is not usually helpful, so try not to habitually compare their situation to one that you have experienced. It is of course fine if you are having a two way conversation, however if you want to encourage a person to explore their experience, your story isn’t what they need to hear, at least not until they have worked through their own stuff. It can take from what the speaker is saying and turns the attention away from them. Occasionally it may be appropriate to share your own experience, use your intuition on when that feels right. You could check with the speaker if they’d like you to share what happened to you, though mostly I find it best to stay with what the speaker is sharing.

In order to acknowledge their experience and what they have shared, you can reflect back to them what you heard them say, for example “You felt very angry when that happened”. Such a reflection does a number of things, it shows that you are listening, that their feelings or expressions are valid and enables them to go into more depth around the issues. In focussing on the other person you may notice the subtleties of body language, tone of voice… etc., which can sometimes indicate more than their words and again if appropriate you can reflect back what you notice.

Don’t engage in a drama or exaggerate the situation, sometimes what is being shared may arise feelings in you, acknowledge these internally though put them aside you can always return to explore them yourself at a more appropriate time.

Become Comfortable With Silences

For many silences or gaps in conversation cause discomfort and they rush to fill the quietness with something. However allowing a silence lets the speaker know that you are there for them and ready to listen when they are ready to speak. Speaking in order to break a silence usually ends up in directing the speaker in a different direction, than what may have otherwise arose next. If you do feel to ask questions, do so for clarity and understanding. The facts or details usually don’t matter. If you do feel to ask questions try to keep them open ended, you could you phrases like “How was that for you?” to encourage more disclosure or as I mentioned earlier reflect back what you have just heard.

Acknowledge Pain

This is an excellent video relating to how to support a grieving friend and the principles offered could be used with other challenging situations, not only grief. The way to help someone feel better is to encourage them to be with their pain, to explore and accept it and then they may feel empowered to move through it.

 

“One of the easiest human acts is also the most healing. Listening to someone. Simply listening. Not advising or coaching, but silently and fully listening.”

~Margaret J. Wheatley

 

With loving gratitude for all those who have shown me how to listen well and for my continued learning. I wish you well with your listening explorations,

Fiona

 

~via WakeUp-World.com

MATEO SOL: “12 Signs You’ve Lost Your Authenticity and Are ‘Selling Out'”

Authenticity is a big buzzword these days.

“Be more authentic,” “honor your authenticity,” “find your authentic self” — we hear these phrases scattered all over the internet and spoken about everywhere.

But what does being authentic mean? And most importantly, how can we tell when we’re being inauthentic — also known as “selling out”?

What is Authenticity?

Authenticity is the state of simply being yourself, listening to who you really are, and making decisions that align with your beliefs and values. Authenticity at its core is about deeply accepting all that is ‘you’ and honoring it above ALL else.

What is Inauthenticity (i.e. Selling Out)?

Inauthenticity, on the other hand, is about placing external things above your genuine values, needs, dreams, and artistic vision. When we ‘sell ourselves out’ we are essentially placing all of the most important parts of ourselves up for auction. Instead of making decisions based on our genuine beliefs, values, and personal style, we make decisions based on how much money, attention, fame, or acceptance we will gain from other people.

Examples of Authenticity vs. Inauthenticity

Sometimes reading examples helps to flesh out abstract concepts like authenticity. Here are a few examples taken from real life:

An artist has been contacted by a large publishing agency. They would like to mass produce her art but on the one condition that she change the titles and descriptions. Deep down, the artist knows that the titles and descriptions of her art are intrinsic to her work. She refuses the publishing agencies offer. She has made an authentic choice.

A father sees how gifted at writing his teenage son is. But instead of encouraging his son to pursue a career in writing, the father pressures his son to study business and accounting because it is the “safe” choice. The son then dutifully studies business and accounting in university. Both father and son have made inauthentic decisions.

A life coach who specializes in online mentoring wants to grow her business. In order to get more clients, she focuses solely on what is trendy and popular and writes/talks about those topics. She begins to lose touch with her original vision. She has become inauthentic.

A company is pressured by investors and shareholders to change its philosophy in order to be more “hip,” appeal to the new generation and make more profit. The company refuses to compromise their philosophy. They have made an authentic decision.

12 Signs You’ve Lost Your Authenticity and Are Selling Out

We are not perfect people. Perfection is an illusion. Therefore, it is guaranteed that at some point in your life, you will make an inauthentic decision that compromises your values, vision, or beliefs. It’s just part of being human!

Although we can’t be perfect, we can strive to be more conscious. Self-awareness and honesty are the two key qualities we need to prevent ourselves from slipping into bad choices.

If you’re concerned that you might be “selling out,” read the signs below. They will help to either confirm or challenge your feelings:

  • Your top priority is making bucket loads of money

  • You’re obsessed with getting new followers, fans or subscribers (e.g. on social media)

  • You let others make decisions for you

  • You let others dictate who you are + who you ‘should’ be

  • You follow the crowd and do what everyone else is doing

  • You always follow trends even if they don’t make sense to you

  • You reveal only what makes you look good

  • You copy other people and their style/lifestyle

  • You ignore your gut feelings and intuition

  • You wear a mask around others
    You’re scared to be vulnerable and express your true feelings, thoughts, or values (which may be unpopular)

  • You make decisions based on how much attention, fame, money or acceptance you’ll receive rather than your genuine beliefs, values, or vision

Take a few thoughtful moments to make a serious assessment of the list above. Evaluate each point with an honest heart.

How many can you relate to?

How to Stop Selling Out

 

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

~B. Brown

 

I want to make a clear distinction here. There is a difference between selling yourself and selling out.

Selling yourself, in business and career fields, is about highlighting your genuine strengths and gifts, and offering those to the world. Selling out, on the other hand, is about compromising your personal integrity and letting external things drive you instead of internal qualities.

Also, not everyone has the liberty of making authentic decisions — but I want to emphasize that these situations are literally survival situations. For example, if a small business owner from an impoverished country was approached by a wealthy businessman who wanted to invest in and change his company, do you think it would be smart to decline? In certain environments and situations, making choices that go against our creative vision is essential in order to survive. But if you’re blessed to live in more fortunate circumstances where you’re not literally faced with starvation or anything else equally serious, then making authentic decisions is an intelligent way to live life.

Why is being authentic intelligent? Because you are listening to your heart and nurturing your soul. Money, fame, adoration, and approval from others will quench your ego’s need for safety and control — but that only lasts for so long. Soon, you will be left with a big, empty, gaping hole inside. The true joy, inner peace, and fulfillment come when you are living your truth and putting your essence out into the world.

So how do you let your essence — your passions, perspectives, and values — guide you? Here are some ideas; many of which I have discovered across my own authenticity journey:

1. Pay attention to how the decisions you make feel physically. Do you feel uncomfortable, heavy or dark sensations? Or does your body feel light and energized? Unlike the mind, the body cannot lie. Your body is the best lie detector out there. If you are about to make a decision that does not align with your values, your body will immediately feel and express that. Pay attention to warning signs such as heaviness in the heart area, tensed muscles, lightheadedness, cold shivers, and even physical cringing. Your physical warning signs will be unique to you (and can’t all be listed here), so search for them diligently.

2. Get your priorities straight. At the end of the day, what will TRULY fulfill you? Think about this question very carefully. Will you ultimately be happy with truckloads of followers, clients, money, or a lavish lifestyle, without feeling like you’ve stayed true to yourself? Money is important, don’t get me wrong. But how much money do you actually need in order to be happy and feel fulfilled? You might also like to explore what your main driving forces are: are you driven by power, success, fame, wealth or your individual and unique style, talents, passions, visions, and desires to make an impact? Focus on nailing down your main motivating force and ask yourself, “Is this healthy? Is this aligned with who I truly am?”

3. Explore inauthentic areas in your life. Intentionally carve out time and space to assess your life – that might even mean just sitting here as you’re reading this article and doing a bit of quiet reflecting. Think about areas in your life that you’re unhappy with. Have you lost your authentic voice in that area … or is the issue something else altogether? This process takes honesty. Write down every choice, commitment, and behavior that feels out of alignment with your deepest passions, perspectives, and values.

4. Make the hard choices. Once you’ve identified the inauthentic areas of your life, it’s time to act. You will need to carve out a plan — possibly multiple plans — to regain a sense of personal integrity. Ask yourself questions such as, “What must absolutely go and what can stay?” “What is true to me and what is false?” “What options do I have?” “What is the potential loss and gain in this situation?” “What is the best scenario and worst scenario?” “What is my plan A and plan B?” “What am I clinging to for dear life?” Use a tool like journaling to help you get out your thoughts, feelings, and plans in a coherent, organized, and structured way.

5. Integrate the experience with self-compassion. Once you have made the necessary change, it’s time for reflection. How did it feel to make such big (or small) changes? What parts of you felt threatened? What did you find it easy to let go of and difficult to surrender? How does it feel to walk your own genuine path? How can you avoid making inauthentic decisions in the future? These are all the kind of vital questions you’ll benefit from asking and exploring. Most importantly, integration is about accepting our humanness and all the frailty that comes along with it. Embrace your mistakes, forgive yourself, and let your hard-earned lessons make you stronger and wiser.

In this loud, confusing, and overwhelming world, it can be easy to slip into the role of selling out your integrity and authenticity to gain power, fame, or money. We are bombarded with messages from the media, social media, our colleagues, and even our friends and family members to be anything other than what we are. But in order to live fulfilled and soul-driven lives, we need to put a firm foot down. We need to learn when to say “no” and forcefully draw the line and protect our integrity.

I hope this article has inspired you to preserve your artistic vision, inner values, or deeply held passions. What makes life beautiful is how unique and varied it is. I hope you share your own unique flavor of authenticity with the world!

What is your experience with selling out? Do you have any tips to share surrounding integrity and authenticity?

Finally, I’ll leave you with a final quote. Tell me in the comments, do you agree or disagree with this statement below?

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.”

~Andre Gide

 

~via WakeUp-World.com

LISA RENEE: “Right Thinking in Facing Fear”

“Fear programs must be extracted from out of our body and cleared from controlling our consciousness, by paying attention to what we must learn from the lessons that come from the fear. Fear shows us the spiritual lessons we have yet to master inside of ourselves, as it demonstrates where darkness is blocking us, in finding harmony in our direct relationship with God. How much effort will you place on learning how to face fears and stop them from controlling your mind and controlling your life, in order to be free?”

~Lisa Renee

 

The frequency of fear represents physical, mental, emotional and spiritual bondage. It destroys the capacity for expanding light into our consciousness, while it produces slavery in the mind. Unrestrained fear is a destroyer; it destroys love, it destroys trust, it destroys life, it destroys relationships and it destroys people. For this purpose, spreading fear based mind control and dark spirits to hijack the subconscious thoughts and conscious belief systems of the masses, is the primary consciousness manipulation tool of the Negative Alien Agenda and the Controllers. All earth inhabitants have been conditioned to run fear-based thoughts as the default setting in the subconscious mind, in order to attract and grow even more darkness.

It takes personal will and commitment to understand how fear works in the hidden shadows of darkness, in order to find the strength to fully transform it into light. All of us have the internal power to transform darkness into light. Being courageous enough to face our deepest and darkest fears and be willing to put forth the effort to overcome them, is the path we all must take to secure our consciousness freedom during the Ascension Cycle. Overcoming Fears is an important spiritual lesson in higher consciousness development. We must address fears from the place of observation in order to demystify them and see where they are actually coming from. When we have the courage to address our hidden fears, we are facing the hidden places of darkness that have existed in parts of ourselves.

To Overcome Fear, we must comprehend the real reasons we feel afraid and realize that our fears are pointing to the places within us that need attention. Places that need unconditional love and spiritual understanding, in order for us to continue to evolve and grow. Fear stunts our forward progress and emotional growth, it blocks our interaction with our inner spirit and it generates disharmony in our relationship with God.

Right Thinking in Facing Fear

At this critical juncture during the bifurcation shift, each person chooses if they want to exist in spiritual bondage or freedom. This decision begins with gaining control over the mind, to remove blockages through the willingness to face darkness and Overcome Fear. This is the decision to commit to the process of organizing our lifestyle to prioritize our evolution towards developing a deeper connection with God, in our prayerful request to help us overcome darkness in order to achieve spiritual freedom. This comes with the necessity of reprogramming our mind into right effort and right thinking, and to remove all that fear content which obstructs the relationship with our spirit from fully bonding. Right Thinking gives us the personal power to remove the state of our suffering. All judgments, fears and interpretations have to be suspended and when they occur, they are registered for observation and then let go and released.

We need to dissect the Frequency of Fear in all the ways it impacts our subconscious attitudes and behaviors, by paying attention to how we think and interpret our world through the inner dialogue we have with ourselves. Fear programs must be extracted from out of our body and cleared from controlling our consciousness, by paying attention to what we must learn from the lessons that come from the fear. Fear shows us the spiritual lessons we have yet to master inside of ourselves, as it demonstrates where darkness is blocking us, in finding harmony in our direct relationship with God. How much effort will you place on learning how to face fears and stop them from controlling your mind and controlling your life, in order to be free?

When our minds can only think about surviving perceived threats, we are easily controlled and manipulated through blind spots created from our own fears. This defines the state of mental bondage and suffering. Through perpetual states of feeling fear and anxiety, our critical thinking, executive function and emotional self-regulation skills that help us to resolve problems in our life are essentially eliminated. We are unable to face challenges and solve problems effectively when fear lives in our mind. Overcoming Fear is the main lesson, we have to regain control over our mind and be able to accurately assess ourselves in our surroundings. Overcoming Fear also contains vital keys in becoming the director of our own lives, as well as leading us to achieve mental, emotional and spiritual freedom, or a life without suffering.

When we Overcome Fear we can break free from impulsive reactions that are triggered from domination based tactics used in the everyday world, and from manipulators that use aggression and intimidation in order to take control over our mental perceptions and emotional reactions. From this awareness, we can see these interactions as lessons for mastering our personal growth, which we gain incredible spiritual strength from. We live in a mind controlled world that uses fear based perceptions to socially engineer slavery. What steps can you take now to begin to free yourself from the patterns of mental bondage and personal suffering, forming strong mental skills for recontextualizing fear and improving your ability to emotionally self-regulate? What spiritual lessons does fear reveal to you now?

Frequency of Fear and Feeling Unsafe

The frequency of fear is what makes people feel threatened and unsafe in the world, as well as feel disconnected and separated from other people, which generates disunity in the world. Disunity breeds self-deception, false perceptions and many negative ego character flaws that generate relationally unsafe people. People with a lack of empathy or ethical conduct have a tendency to deeply criticize, blame or judge others. When fear rules us, darkness rules us. It also rules our relationships, which extinguishes the possibility for sharing deep human heart connections and forming empathic and loving bonds. Please take note of how fear is rooted in darkness and can destroy ethical conduct, respect and empathy for others very easily. Fear destroys the hope for unified cooperation to exist between people which breaks down compassionate communication, that could be directed towards problem solving greater issues that impact all of humanity. One controller type person that uses fear to manipulate others for power can easily destroy the accumulated unity, positivity and trust earned in an entire organization or community, in one fell swoop. Thus, fear is the main manipulation tool of the controller archetype that is designed to generate perceptions of being threatened and feeling unsafe in the company of others and in any kind of social setting. It also produces relationally unsafe people, who are generally unethical, disrespectful people that lack empathy for others.

Essentially, unsafe people have weak character qualities that tend to spread fear and disunity, which make other people feel unsafe while in their presence. Many unsafe people have developed walls to distance themselves from others because of their hidden fears, that stem from unhealed personal trauma. All of us have been in the company of an unsafe person and noticed how uncomfortable and tense we may feel while in their presence. When we cannot be authentic and truthful in the presence of another because we fear they will judge, persecute or attack us for revealing ourselves, we feel deeply uncomfortable, drained and unsafe when we are in their presence. Many relationally unsafe people are ruled by their fears and many of their reactions and impulses are made unconsciously, through their unhealed mental or emotional triggers.

Let’s bring to mind some fear based negative ego qualities that create Relationally Unsafe People, people we cannot be completely truthful around without fearing we will suffer some kind of repercussion, attack or punishment. Unsafe people can be judgmental, blaming, manipulative, dishonest, narcissistic, emotionally unstable, irresponsible, gossips, Gaslighters, control freaks, back-stabbers, demanding, and entitled with superior attitudes. Sounds like a lot of darkness is present in those behaviors, doesn’t it? When in the company of people that demonstrate these fear based negative ego qualities, we may need to create strong boundaries and set the terms of our interaction with them. In some cases we may need to sever the connection entirely. There is generally nothing positive that will come from continually feeding destructive, harmful or abusive relationship patterns that refuse to heal or evolve. We have to plant seeds where there is fertile soil, if we want a garden to grow. And to shift out of the negative polarity of fear, one may need to pull weeds, or walk away from that relationship pattern as an act of self-love and self-preservation.

However, if we habitually feel unsafe with others, it may be we need to demystify the reasons we feel afraid, and discern the difference between people that demonstrate unsafe behaviors, and those who demonstrate responsible and safe behaviors. This also means that if we feel unsafe, it is our spiritual duty to build safety within ourselves by developing inner strength, based in the higher qualities that make us a safe person to be around. Strong spiritual foundation is built upon the cornerstone of moral character development and building trust inside and outside for ourselves. Trust is built upon the consistent ethical behaviors of moral conduct where people are treated with equal respect and kindness, and allowed to be who they are without repercussion. As much as you may feel unsafe with others, are you yourself a safe person for others to be around? Many times what we fear in others is the hidden unconscious behavior that we have not cleared from within our own deepest selves. Until we are willing to look at these hidden fears, we can also easily project or transfer these fears onto other people.

As a basic guideline for extracting fears by replacing negative qualities with positive qualities, is monitoring day-to-day thoughts and behaviors. We can look to GSF Behavior or simply adhere to the Golden Rule. Treat others’ as you would like to be treated, and intend to build self-esteem through esteeming actions.

At some point it is helpful to realize that the current accepted reality of negative ego behaviors and the frequency of fear, has been used against people of the earth as a psychological weapon to weaken them. Fear is broadcasted everywhere in our environment and this has produced relationally unsafe people all around us. Fear weakens moral character and it stunts the higher attributes of generosity, kindness and tolerance for others. The manufacture of endless enemies in the mainstream media maintains the mass perception of continual threats, which condition more fears and learned helplessness into the unconscious mind and pain body of humanity. The fear broadcast drills down into our personal lives, infecting our thoughts, behaviors and relationships with the frequency of fear. The frequency of fear produces feelings and perceptions that we are unsafe, unsafe with others, unsafe inside ourselves. Knowing that we live on a planet imprisoned through the mass broadcast of the frequency of fear, can be helpful to disentangle us from the mainstream fear broadcasts and fear based reactions of people around us. Refuse to take on and wear the frequency of fear running in the exterior. When we can see the fear agendas operating in the external, we can go within and sift through what is sourcing from within. Becoming aware of what fears may have been taken on through being with fear based people, as well as noting the outer agendas that use forms of electronic harassment and media based mind control.

Establishing Safety to Overcome Fear

If we are to begin to recognize the qualities that define safe people and safe relationships, we need to first understand what a safe person is and why we need that kind of safety to overcome fear. We need people in our life that will be honest with us, telling us where we are creating harm and potentially where we may need to change, in order to improve ourselves. We need friends that walk according to the truth and are accepting of us, yet they are honest about our weaknesses and faults without condemning us. Relationships in which people use shame, guilt or condemn us for our actions are ultimately destructive and traumatizing, which does not produce emotional or spiritual growth. These are the unsafe people that require us to be different than who we are, in order to be accepted and conditionally loved by them. Conditional love that must be earned is useless, it is a made up projection from the negative ego demands and is not real love. If we do not have this kind of safe person around us yet, we can become that person for our selves and others. As we intend to clear fears and improve our character, we attract similar people.

Safe people can be fully present with others, connecting at deep and intimate levels. Safe people can speak truth to one another, without being offended or taking things personally. Safe people give others the opportunity to grow and become their highest expression, for them as God intended. Safe people create loving and positive feelings and inspire good works, such as being in service to others. Safe people create relationships that allow people to be as they are, and draw us closer to feel unity and connection with all of life.

In order to heal our mental and emotional body to overcome deep fears, we must know how to establish safety within ourselves and recognize what makes us feel unsafe. Taking good care of our body, having a consistent meditation or spiritual practice to become more inner directed, avoiding exposure to self-harming behaviors, and learning how to manage fear or trauma reactions is essential to being safe within yourself. The first step is to identify what makes us feel safe and stable and to do those things every day. We must make an effort to identify what choices we do have, and make changes in our environment that can increase our sense of safety and comfort while in our physical space. Assess the physical and emotional safety of your environment, and realize it may be necessary to remove people or situations from your life who are entrenched in destructive and harmful behaviors, in order to make the necessary changes to your lifestyle. When we are more competent in emotional self-regulation our inner safety is enhanced, so that trust can be formed, as we discover that we really do have the resources inside of us for feeling comforted and safe.

(Source: ES Newsletter – Overcoming Fear)

 

~via EnergeticSynthesis.com – Time Shift Blog – March 11, 2019

CAMERON DAY: “What I Would Tell My 22 Year Old Self”

You’re at a great age, in a great time in human history to contribute to the awakening of many people over the course of your life.

So here are some things that I would have dearly liked to know at age 22.

1. Avoid all channeled information, and definitely don’t open yourself up to channeling

You will of course be presented with some good truths in channeled materials, but they will be limited, distorted and organized in a way to keep you locked in a slightly larger box than you were in before. More details can be found in my two No Longer a Lightworkerarticles from 2013.

I still get questions from people asking if I think this or that channeled source is valid. My answer is always the same: NOPE!

2. Delusional positivity is never useful. Do not suppress any “negative emotions”

Don’t hide from your own shadow content or try to cover it up with positive thinking. When the darkness is welling up from the depths of your subconscious, dive in and get to work.

3. The best teachers have been through at least one “dark night of the soul”

They may not always talk about their dark night experiences, but you can hear and feel it in the depth of their communication and their ability to have compassion and understanding for people who are currently struggling with their own shadow content.

My first “dark night” was when I was 12, with three more at ages 17, 21 and 32. They were incredibly difficult, but I am grateful for the growth that came from them.

4. Make sure that whoever you are learning from lives according to their teachings

I believe that all spiritual information has to be tested in the laboratory of “real life” so that it’s not just philosophy without any practical application. Many people are teaching philosophy that they have not tested, nor have they themselves been tested as to the strength of their resolve.

5. Be patient with your journey. Share and teach when you feel the deep desire to do so, and not one minute sooner

Spend the time necessary to learn useful tools and use them to work on yourself. Realize that your journey may take years to mature to a level where you are ready to lend guidance to others.

Give yourself plenty of space to enjoy your life, too! You don’t have to work on yourself every single day and deny yourself new experiences.

Be curious, explore, travel, meet new people, fall in love, experience heartbreak, make mistakes, apologize, take responsibility for all of your actions, share your experiences with those who have the ears to hear.

One day you will “just know” that you are ready to take on the responsibility of teaching what you know to others. At the same time, don’t delay unnecessarily. You don’t have to be perfect to be a great help to others. In fact…

6. You will never be perfect, so stop trying to be

Focus on being your most authentic self, even if people in your life tell you that you “should” be something else. Those people are probably not authentic themselves, so don’t let them control you.

7. Live your life in integrity and authenticity, and take care of yourself before you attempt to help someone else solve their problems

Do not compromise yourself in order to make someone else feel better about themselves. Insecure people will try to keep you down at their level, and you will probably need to walk away from them so that you can rise to the level of your own highest potential.

There is a lot more I could say, of course, but I divulge just about everything that I know in my various classes, which are all available online.

Much Love,
Cameron Day

 

~via AscensionHelp.com

CONSCIOUS REMINDER: “If You Want To Keep Something — Let It Go!”

The biggest revelation was to find out that the only way to keep something or someone, is to let it or them go. It’s such a paradox.

The most important thing is to do it in your head. Really let go. Allow something to happen regardless of your strong will and desire.

Give someone the right to act the way he or she wants and do what he or she considers necessary. Feel it happening inside. Accept it and just go with the flow. Simply put, continue to live your life.

As I once, a long time ago, read in the books of Carlos Castaneda: “Never get attached to anything or anybody.”

I could not understand, how? And why? Because it is so good to have that heart-warming tight-knit connection with the person that means so much to you. How do we go without it?

And I just realized now: that’s the only way you can be free. More often than not, attachment becomes addictive.

And somewhere along the way, you lose yourself. You make somebody else’s life your own and, eventually, you stop living.

This applies to all sorts of addictions: cigarettes, alcohol, gambling, sex, a man, a woman.

The moment you realize that you can’t live and breathe without it, that’s when you truly need to let go. That’s the only way you will be yourself.

Give everybody the right of free will and choice. It’s not in the fashion of “so be it,” or “in spite of the enemies!”.

It’s a serene, pure belief that with or without the thing or the person you feel so attached to, you will be fine on your own.

It is important not to bind to the outcome. Because no one is obliged to agree with you. No matter how bad, unwise, and stupid someone else’s choices look to you, it’s just your judgement, your perception.

It’s your unwillingness to give the other the right to have their own opinion, feel their own feelings and take their own actions.

You are not have to agree with what they say or do, or even how they live their life.

On the other side, you shouldn’t feel responsible or obliged to justify their thoughts or actions, even less to explain why they are wrong.

The only thing you can change is to continue living your life. That’s exactly what you need to do. nothing more and nothing less.

Just live your own life without trying to take control over everyone and everything. Let Go!

 

~via ConsciousReminder.com

MATEO SOL: “6 Signs You’re Experiencing Spiritual Maturity”

In our society, we have a very two dimensional understanding of maturity. Most people define it as an accumulation of experiences that come through the process of aging. But this isn’t really true.

The truth is that maturity has very little to do with our external experiences, and everything to do with our inner processing of the world. Yes, you might have experienced a lot of challenges and hardships in life, but if you weren’t present and aware of what was happening and the way in which it could help you to learn and grow, all of your experiences simply turned into moments where you unconsciously and emotionally reacted, not maturing at all.

While we have no control over aging, we do play a part in our ability to mature. Maturity is something that comes with conscious intent; something that evolves as we become more aware. It isn’t how “knowledgeable” or “smart” we are either, as knowledge is a product of past fears, mental patterns, memories, reactions and illusory concepts of the self.

Instead, true maturity is the state of being internally free enough to respond consciously, to be responsible enough to see the end result our thoughts, feelings and actions and how they will affect ourselves, others and the world at large.

Developing true maturity impacts so many different areas of our lives. Below I elaborate:

1. Maturity is Courageous

Maturity involves inner freedom and freedom is the result of having courage — the courage to think differently and behave differently.

In a society that considers “maturity” as the pursuit of careers, spouses, mortgages, children and materialism, it takes immense courage to truly be mature and to pursue a path with heart, reconnecting with our authentic selves.

2. Maturity is Honest

Many people avoid the truth of who they really are by piling on beliefs, labels and roles in their lives and clinging to them. However, the mature person, in their lifelong pursuit of self-discovery comes to see all the ways in which they deceive themselves into a false sense of being.

Common examples of spiritual immaturity involve avoiding the shadow elements of human nature, believing that we have transcended our “lower selves” and are in touch with our “higher selves” and confusing the fearful voices of our core wounds with our intuition.

3. Maturity is Loving

Most people’s idea of love is to love only to receive love. “I need you to love me so I can love you back” is not a very mature way of loving. To be mature means that you can love someone unconditionally, even if they don’t love you back because your own self-love is more than enough.

The spiritually mature person loves because the state of love expands their limited sense of self and reconnects them with the divine. They don’t just love to be reassured that they are lovable by another.

And if the other person is mature enough to love back the same way, the love becomes even more powerful.

You’ll often come across people that hold love as the highest possible spiritual form, which it is. But to experience that love you must first have attained the personal freedom and responsibility that is necessary to unconditionally love.

4. Maturity is Compassionate

Many religions will teach you to do “good” out of duty through pity and sympathy (both include feeling sorry for another because they are in a position inferiority to you), as opposed to empathy when you can feel and understand their pain as equals. Many are compassionate also out of the underlying stimulus and promise of “rewards” in the afterlife. However, this is completely destructive and a perfect example of immaturity.

The spiritually mature person doesn’t act from a place of dutifully needing “to do good” which is tainted with all kinds of unconscious desires such as self-gratification, power, prestige and control. To do any mature charitable act, our motivation must come from a place of inner peace and freedom.

5. Maturity is Forgiving

Resenting other people is addictive. It gives us a false sense of power by believing that we are protecting ourselves from getting hurt again, and we are on the “moral high ground.” It tricks us into an unhealthy sense of self-importance; “I’ll never forgive you. What you did to ME was UNFORGIVABLE.” It is yet another way in which our misery and self-pity make us happy.

True forgiveness, on the other hand, involves taking responsibility for ourselves and making the decision to no longer attempt to justify or attach ourselves to feelings of hatred and anger. We are aware enough to know how damaging such heavy feelings are to us and the quality of our lives.

6. Maturity is Accepting

Maturity involves knowing what you can change and accept that which you can’t. A person who lives in a constant state of conflict with the world is one who is enslaved to their own internal reactions. They are not free to respond.

I am often confronted by people who ask me how I can be so at peace with the state of affairs in the world; the injustice, the chaos, the inequality that saddens them to the point of depression or feeling like their sensitive natures don’t belong to this world.

This is closely tied with the forgiveness I mentioned above. I’m not OK with the injustice of the world, but I don’t resist it either. I’m aware enough to realize that change can never, and has never, come from an external system, but from an individual internal decision. To be able to help the collective maturity evolve I must first be able to accept and acknowledge the mess that we are in without resisting it and running away into my self-righteous ideals, without judging it and condemning others so as to make them defensive and lose receptivity to my message.

You can’t cure the turmoil of the world when you’re acting from a place of inner turmoil. The acceptance of yourself and acceptance of others is like learning how to flow in a stream without ending up like another solid pebble at the bottom of the river.

The spiritual awakening process of maturity is the beginning of the journey of inner blossoming; it is the beginning of the journey toward the fulfillment of your own potential. Coming to truly know that potential means knowing that you require equal part sun as you do soil in order to be grounded, but to dance in the wind as well.

 

~via WakeUp-World.com

MARION SELISTA: “15 Keys To Unleash Your True Authentic Self”

Every person is unique and has something to offer the world. Being authentic means embracing who you are and accepting your uniqueness.

However, being the real you is a challenge to most people because they either don’t know how to connect with their true self or how to unleash it. You are always trying to please others, and live up to society’s expectations, forgetting yourself.

When you finally make yourself a priority, that’s when your life starts. You honor yourself by unleashing your true self. You can now say NO to things and people that do not serve you.

Here’s how you can unleash your true authentic self by using the below 15 key ways.

1. Hello, it is you

Being real starts with discovering who you are deep at the core; what you stand for; your strengths and weaknesses; your passion; and what makes you happy. Knowing yourself will make you happy and experience less inner conflict thus make better decisions. You can also resist social pressure and understand others which makes you a better individual.

2. Self-acceptance

What you think of yourself is shaped over the years by both positive and negative experiences. You will be on the path to self-acceptance when you start restructuring the way you view yourself. You must learn to admit your flaws, and accept what you can’t change. Always set small goals every day, never give up and surround yourself with positivity.

3. Reframe your life according to your principles

The expectations placed on you by society are challenging to live up to. Reframe your life by creating rules for yourself that match your values. Focus on self-care and things that bring the best in you. You will no longer have to follow what everyone expects and can take charge of your life.

4. Meditate

Meditation is a very effective method of unleashing your true self. It draws you into a place deep within yourself for self-reflection and awareness hence giving you a push in the right direction. Daily meditation can result in a rewiring of your brain allowing the decreasing stress and tension.

5. Follow your bliss

You get increased happiness and satisfaction when you do what makes you happy. Doing what you love gives you a sense of purpose and belonging, clear objectivity and self-awareness. Identify what you are genuinely passionate about and give yourself to it thus unleash your true self.

6. Find your purpose

You find your place in life when you identify the reasons for your actions and set meaningful goals. It keeps you motivated throughout your life and you remain focused on meeting them.

7. Don’t look for external approval

Seeking external validation is a burden and affects your decisions in your life. Stop letting the outside world dictate your opinions or actions. Your dreams don’t have to be acceptable to everyone. You will be happier living by your beliefs.

8. Practice gratitude

Being a grateful person has numerous benefits; it makes your life easier, happier, and healthier both physically and psychologically. You look at life with a positive attitude. You can maintain excellent relationships with others. Practice it through; letters of appreciation when someone does a good thing for you; sharing with family everything you are grateful for during meals; Writing on paper what you are thankful for and putting it in a jar; keep a journal of things you are thankful for and not taking what you have for granted.

9. Be present

You embrace the real you when you start living in the present and avoid obsessing about the past. Enjoy every moment.

10. Compare yourself to you only

Comparing yourself to others only results in evaluating and rating yourself by chasing symbols of status and success. Unlock your authentic self by accepting yourself the way you are and measuring yourself by your standards.

11. Become your best self

Master these three elements that make you the best you can be;

Connectedness appreciate what you have now by showing love for what you have and don’t take anything for granted.

Calm observe your thoughts as they pass through your mind by staying calm.

Motivation — understanding the reason you do the things you do will spur you to continue striving to accomplish your objective.

12. Love

People often ridicule and give you a strange look when you are authentic. Self-love entails accepting and expressing your true self. It involves loving yourself and living life to the fullest just the way you are. You can’t give love if you don’t love yourself first.

13. Trust

Follow your wisdom and gut instead of looking externally for inner peace. Avoid seeking others’ opinions and get guidance from within yourself. Honor your emotions instead of hiding them thus unleashing the real you.

14. Authenticity

If you can’t be yourself, who else can you be? Connect with your inner self. It involves letting go of the false identity of who you think you should be and instead allowing the real you to emerge.

15. Affirmation

Affirmations are very easy and powerful to use. They train your mind through repetition and positive encouragement to connect to yourself. It entails thinking good thoughts, expressing who you are, taking actions to meet your needs and doing what you want. It builds self-esteem and unleashes your true self.

Final words

Learning to unleash your true authentic self is not an easy task- though it is a rewarding challenge. You discover yourself; identify your true passions; let go of past mistakes and accept yourself. You break free from crippling self-doubts and love yourself just the way you are. Being the real you helps you find your purpose, build your self-esteem; and brings you happiness in life.

 

~via ConsciousReminder.com

LIVE BOLD & BLOOM: “12 Of The Most Important Values To Live By”

What values are important to a life well-lived?

What do you want to be known for? What qualities do you admire in others and work to cultivate in yourself?

And how do those qualities reflect your core beliefs?

Your life values are those that, once you identify them, help you with decision-making and provide the building blocks for your character — specifically the one you want to have.

For example, if one of your top value in life is courage, you’ll likely seek out new challenges so you can act in spite of the fear that comes when you’re faced with the possibility of failure or rejection.

And if forgiveness has recently become one of your values to live by, you’ll want to remind yourself of your new commitment when you’re about to spend time with someone who has hurt you in the past.

But what is the point of identifying your values, and how do they contribute to your growth and happiness?

To answer this question, we’re exploring 12 of the most important values in life and showing how they influence everything you do.

But before we do that, it makes sense to explain what values are in the first place.

What Are Values in Life?

Values are about what you consider important to the life you want to live. They inform your priorities and, when practiced consistently, form the character you want to have.

They’re rooted in your core beliefs about what makes for a life well-lived and about the behavior you want to model for others (including children if you have them).

Shared values are the basis for a common code – a value-based compass – that speeds up decision-making and unites those who share that code.

By expressing those values, the common code articulates different aspects of the shared mission and becomes the key motivator for those who share it.

You can take each of the following examples of values in life to create a code or motto that motivates you to practice that value every day, so it will become second nature when it’s most needed.

12 Most Important Values To Life By

 

1. Courage

Courage is about doing what you believe needs to be done — not in the absence of fear but in spite of it.

You might feel disinclined to offer a genuine apology out of fear that the other will reject it, but courage will help you apologize anyway, because it’s the right thing to do, out of respect for the one you hurt or offended. Whether they accept your apology or not is their business.

Courage requires a step outside of your comfort zone. If you have no fear, you don’t need courage, but when something you know you have to do makes you feel sick inside, courage is what makes you do that thing anyway.

Courage code: “I do what needs to be done, even if fear comes along for the ride.”

2. Kindness

Kindness is about treating others the way you want to be treated.

It’s more than just holding your tongue when you’re tempted to say something unkind; kindness looks for ways to make life better for others. It takes delight in lifting others up and reminding them they’re not alone, invisible, or insignificant.

Kindness and compassion are closely related; the latter involves the readiness to see a situation from someone else’s perspective and to give them the benefit of the doubt. It also takes into consideration what the other person has gone through and chooses to respond with kindness rather than anger or vengefulness.

Both demonstrate at least a subliminal appreciation for the connectedness of all living beings; when you show kindness and compassion to others, you benefit (at least) as much as they do.

Kindness to yourself is also important, and it’s the basis for self-care. Don’t forget to be as kind to yourself as you want others to be.

Schedule time each day for reasonable and thoughtful self-care, and practice mindfulness to be fully present for it. In practicing kindness to yourself, you also make yourself better able to render kindness to others.

Kindness code: “I treat others as I want to be treated — with thoughtfulness, patience, and respect.”

3. Patience

When someone is pushing your buttons, taking your time or attention away from something you want to finish, or making your life harder in some way, you practice patience by putting yourself in the others’ shoes, trying to see the situation from their perspective, and responding with kindness and respect.

No one wants to be treated like an inconvenience or a burden, and sometimes your priorities have to change to make room for something (or someone) more important or more likely to help you grow.

Patience code: “No matter how I feel when someone interrupts me or gets in my way, I always treat them with the same patience I hope for from others when necessity compels me to interrupt them or get in their way.”

4. Integrity

Integrity is about acting and speaking in accordance with your beliefs.

If you say one thing but do the opposite, witnesses to this contradiction aren’t likely to recognize you as a person of integrity. They’re more likely to accuse you of hypocrisy.

Though you may not be fully conscious of the disagreement between your words and actions, if you believe one thing but your actions profess a contradictory belief, you might feel a growing unease and unhappiness with the way you’re acting.

It doesn’t feel right. And you’re faced with a choice: either change your belief, or change your actions.

Integrity code: “What I believe is made clear by what I say and do.”

5. Gratitude / Appreciation

When gratitude is a core belief, you make time for it every day. You prioritize both feeling gratitude and expressing it — in your thoughts, in the words you speak or write, and in your attitude and actions.

You might create the habit of writing a daily gratitude list. And if you recognize the importance of emotion to the fullest experience of gratitude, you’ll likewise place a high value on a daily mindfulness practice.

Showing appreciation to others for their words and actions is also essential to making this a core value. Just as you appreciate it when others thank you for a job well done, for a thoughtful gift, or for rendering the help they needed, others appreciate that recognition too.

And far too often, we act as though others must already know how much we appreciate them. Don’t assume that they do; make sure of it.

Gratitude code: “In the morning, throughout the day, and in the evening, I feel and express gratitude for the good things in my life. And I make sure everyone who has done something good for me knows I appreciate them for it.”

6. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is about letting go of anger and resentment toward those who have hurt or offended you.

You’re not saying what they did was okay or not a big deal; you’re acknowledging that what they did was hurtful but choosing to forgive them in order to be free of the anger and resentment (toward them) that are making you miserable.

In forgiving them, you take back your power and choose happiness and peace of soul for yourself, even if the one who hurt you has never shown the slightest hint of remorse.

Everyone has a capacity for forgiveness — just as everyone has the capacity to hurt others with their words and actions — but not everyone has cultivated a habit of forgiveness.

We learn to be more forgiving by forgiving more. If you write morning pages, add a short list of people you forgive, adding what you forgive them for and something you appreciate about each person.

Forgiveness code: “I forgive those who have hurt me, because I know I’ve made mistakes and hurt people, too, and I want to be free of this anger and resentment. I choose freedom, and I choose to genuinely want (and work for) the good of those who’ve hurt me.”

7. Love

Love sees the good in everyone, and it wants good things for them. You may not always know what’s best for someone else, but if you love them, you want their ultimate happiness, and you want to see them grow.

You recognize that no one reaches adulthood with their character fixed and unchangeable; we’re all a work in progress. Things your 20-year-old self would say might appall your 40-year-old self. It’s part of being human if you’re a human that continues to grow.

Did someone you love do terrible things in their 20’s or 30’s — things they would never do now (in their mid-40’s)?

Forgive them for not knowing better before they learned whatever stopped them from doing those terrible things. And forgive yourself for not knowing that human beings are all capable of terrible things — just as we’re also capable of growth.

When you love someone, you don’t base that love on the kind of person they were ten or twenty years ago, or on the person, you hope they become or that you wish they were. Your love tells them, “You are enough — just as you are today.”

You recognize that their beliefs and behavior may change as they grow, but since your love doesn’t depend on what they believe or on whether you agree on everything, your love doesn’t lessen with time and with the challenges those changes bring.

Love code: “I love with both passion and understanding; real love is wide awake.”

8. Growth

If growth is one of your core values, you look for opportunities to grow as a person and to help others grow, too.

You take the time to identify your values and your overall mission, so you can live in accordance with it and become more and more the person you have to be in order to fulfill your mission.

You know that growth isn’t a destination but a process, and you want to enjoy that process and help others to enjoy their own.

You might take an interest in coaching or in group growth opportunities, where members support and encourage each other. You recognize true and wholehearted collaboration as an asset and a growth facilitator, and you prioritize growth over comfort and security.

Real growth might mean shaking things up at home or at work, but the more committed you are to your growth and to that of those you care about, the less you mind rocking the boat.

Growth code: “Every day, I’m growing more into the person I want to be.”

9. Listening

If active listening is a core value for you, you value others’ input and invest time and energy in learning how to see things from their perspectives.

So, it makes sense that when someone wants to tell you something, you give them your full attention and thoughtfully consider their words.

Whereas before you felt tense with the expectation of having to defend your beliefs against an unfriendly viewpoint, you’ve learned (through practice) to listen with genuine openness rather than an ego-centric fear of being proven wrong.

You recognize that you don’t know everything, and you don’t see even familiar things from every angle, so you appreciate it when others share their perspectives. And your body language as well as your feedback shows them you’re listening and that you care about what they have to say.

Listening code: “I listen to others with my full attention, so I can learn from them and show thoughtful consideration for their ideas.”

10. Respect

If you want to be known for treating all human (or living) beings with respect, you probably base that respect on something more fundamental than someone’s rank or social status.

Otherwise, why would you consider it a priority to treat all humans with equal respect — regardless of their age, income, or background?

Or why would you put more energy into making sure the least exalted among you is treated with respect than into making sure others treat you with the same consideration.

It doesn’t mean you don’t consider yourself equally worthy of respect, but you find it easy to put yourself in other people’s shoes, so in making sure they feel respected, you feel more respected, too.

Respect code: “I treat all living beings with the same respect with which I like to be treated.”

11. Self-Giving

Another word for self-giving is sacrifice, but self-giving has a more positive connotation. Essentially, you’re giving of yourself — your time, your attention, your energy, your treasure, your abilities — to help or enrich another.

Real love doesn’t hesitate to give of itself until it hurts, knowing that the momentary pain is nothing compared to the benefit won by that self-giving.

The word “selfless” implies that someone has given so much of themselves, they’ve reserved nothing for their own use or enjoyment, but in giving yourself — if you give out of love — your joy is in what that gift brings to others.

Self-giving can be overdone but only when the motive is pride (or insecurity) rather than love.

Self-giving code: “I give of myself to others not only to connect with them but to acknowledge our connectedness. What I give to them, I also receive.”

12. Vision

You may be used to talking about vision in the context of a specific person’s “vision for the future,” but the larger sense of vision is not something that you own or that comes from you; it comes through you and inspires you and others.

Because the larger vision isn’t confined to your ego, the power of that vision is free to attract, illuminate, and flow through you.

Your vision is connected to one that is infinite and uncontainable — you do not exist to serve yourself at the expense of others; you exist to cooperate with others in the creation of a community that benefits all living creatures.

Your personal vision — what you see as your response to the larger vision — informs your personal mission and the process by which you live out that mission.

It’s not about the lifestyle you want or the things you’ll have when you’re “successful.” It has more to do with allowing yourself to be led by the greater vision through your personal links to it — your intuition and inner wisdom.

Vision code: “I live according to a vision guided by my inner wisdom and judgment.”

Now, it’s your turn.

What are your values? And what will you do today to put one (or more) of them into practice?

One small action today makes more of a difference than you probably realize.

Think of each small action as a seed you plant that, as long as you nurture it along the way, grows into a healthy tree with roots and branches, shedding seeds of its own.

Your values are the life in every seed you plant. Choose the best values, and make them part of your blueprint for personal growth.

And may your courage and passion for growth influence everything you do today.

 

~via LiveBoldandBloom.com

ANDY WHITELEY: “10 Life Lessons You Can Learn From Your Cat”

As we grow to adulthood, we humans learn to override many of our natural tendencies. We “socialize” our children, and teach them to “behave” and resist many of their natural impulses. By the time we’re adults most of us are so disconnected from nature, and from our own nature, that we accept “adult” roles and responsibilities that pay the bills but stifle us, rub us the wrong way and even cause harm to each other and our environment.

Somewhere along the line, we lose touch with the simple wisdom of our natural instincts.

Needless to say, there are many spiritual lessons we can learn from observing nature. Just under the surface, our animal instincts are still there, just waiting to be tapped into, and reactivated, and honored — and what better role models than the animals we love and share our lives and homes with?

Here are 10 life lessons you can learn from your cat:

 

1. Keep a curious spirit and approach uncertainty with a positive attitude.

2. Physical touch is natural, and vital for our well-being.

3. Get plenty of rest, and spend time soaking up the sun.

4. Show gratitude. All it takes is a purr, or a squinty smile.

5. Stretch regularly. It’s good for body and soul.

6. Live in the moment. There is only now.

7. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play!

8. A happy life is a simple life. All we really need is love, a full belly, and a quiet place to rest.

9. Let the inner wisdom of instinct and intuition guide you. If it doesn’t feel good, walk away.

10. Be fearless. Live like you’re on your ninth life.

 

~Dedicated to Gracie the cat, whose simple, loving approach to life inspired this article.

 

Artwork by Ascension Avatar 

“Foozie” (1976)

 

~via WakeUp-World.com

NIKKI SAPP: “How To Be Confident While Remaining Humble”

“There’s a thin line between confidence and arrogance… it’s called humility. Confidence smiles, arrogance smirks.”

~Unknown

 

Somewhere along the line what we recognized as confidence may have been misconstrued a little. We started associating traits like aggressive, loud, opinionated and arrogant with being a confident person. You’ve probably seen the type, or maybe you are the type.

They know FOR SURE that what they believe is the unequivocal truth. Therefore they need to tell everyone about it… constantly.

When they aren’t able to convince someone to believe exactly as they believe they may be caught calling others, “asleep” or a “sheep” or any other plethora of derogatory names that I probably can’t mention here. We also may have misconstrued what it means to be humble a little bit too. Being Humble is associated with weak, shy, meek, and someone who cowers to others.

Someone who is so unsure of themselves or their beliefs that they keep them to themselves and are too insecure to tell everyone they meet their opinion on everything. Is there a way to be both? Can a confident person also be a humble person? In order to answer that question we must dissect what it means to be truly confident, and how does “artificial confidence” come about.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself the whole world accepts him or her”

~Lao Tzu

 

There are many reasons a person may develop artificial/arrogant confidence. One may be cognitive dissonance, which means they may be holding on to a belief so tightly that when evidence is presented that contradicts this belief they may be completely unwilling to look at the new evidence. They may have become so attached to this belief that it has become a part of their sense of self.

Since they are completely attached to who they think they are it may be a painful experience for them to open their mind up and see things from a different perspective. The actual energy behind holding on to a belief so tightly that you are unwilling to let it go is fear.

The human ego is always afraid to be found out, so to speak, therefore, any threat of someone or something coming along and debunking one of its belief attachments may bring about a negative emotional reaction such as anger. Anytime anger is involved we can be assured that fear is the culprit behind it.

Genuine confidence doesn’t need to get angry because there is no part that fears being wrong or that others aren’t believing them. Another reason a person may develop artificial confidence is because they are insecure.

An insecure person may not truly believe in their theory or themselves so they feel if they can convince others that they are absolutely the right one they can at the same time convince themselves.

This is often done in an aggressive manner, because they are attached to the outcome of people believing them. Again, the fear behind not achieving the outcome they desire is causing them to act in a rude or aggressive manner. Genuine confidence can remain quiet, kind and humble because there is no underlying fear that needs other people to believe exactly what they are saying.

Genuine confidence is humble. It kind of realizes that most people are operating from their own level of understanding and trying to convince them that they are “stupid” or “wrong” usually won’t work anyway. The humble part of them realizes that LIVING and BEING their truth is always more effective than incessant talking or convincing ever will be.

Also, humble confidence isn’t attached to being right. In fact, it happily welcomes new ideas and beliefs because it knows that only when it opens itself up to seeing things from all perspectives is it able to perhaps learn something new.

“The time which people spend in convincing others, even half of this time if they spend on themselves, they can achieve a lot in life.”

~Arvind Katoch

 

In order to maintain humble confidence about our beliefs we must do two things. One is question ourselves….constantly. You may ask yourself, “Do I know absolutely without a doubt that this belief is true?” Meaning, “Did I see it with my own eyes”- normally the answer to this will be no.

So not to say that you won’t have some beliefs about things that involve situations that you weren’t physically there, but it just means that you always maintain a healthy sense of doubt about your beliefs.

This doesn’t mean that you’re unsure of yourself, it means you are wise, because it means you are open to hearing new evidence. Or you can ask yourself, “Is it possible that I am so attached to this belief that it has become a part of who I think I am?” Or even, “Does it matter if the person I am telling about my belief believes me or not? In this present moment does the fact that they are convinced or not convinced change anything in this exact moment in time?”

“Confidence is silent.

Insecurity is loud.”

~Unknown

 

You may find that most of the time, the answer to that is “no.” The other thing a person can do in order to remain humbly confident in their beliefs is to realize that every person they come in contact with can only understand things from their own level of understanding. Which means they are only operating from their own personal programming which may or may not be completely different than yours.

So yes, there may be times when you tell someone something and you enlighten them to something that they hadn’t thought of before but there will also be times where any effort to convince will fall on deaf ears.

When you are unattached to the outcome, you will be fine with either without getting frustrated or angered. Once we realize that our “truth” may not be someone else’s “truth” we can completely relax into interpersonal relationships and take every interaction with a human being as a potential learning experience, which will allow us to always be learning and growing as a person.

 

~via FractalEnlightenment.com