MATEO SOL: “12 Signs You’ve Lost Your Authenticity and Are ‘Selling Out'”

Authenticity is a big buzzword these days.

“Be more authentic,” “honor your authenticity,” “find your authentic self” — we hear these phrases scattered all over the internet and spoken about everywhere.

But what does being authentic mean? And most importantly, how can we tell when we’re being inauthentic — also known as “selling out”?

What is Authenticity?

Authenticity is the state of simply being yourself, listening to who you really are, and making decisions that align with your beliefs and values. Authenticity at its core is about deeply accepting all that is ‘you’ and honoring it above ALL else.

What is Inauthenticity (i.e. Selling Out)?

Inauthenticity, on the other hand, is about placing external things above your genuine values, needs, dreams, and artistic vision. When we ‘sell ourselves out’ we are essentially placing all of the most important parts of ourselves up for auction. Instead of making decisions based on our genuine beliefs, values, and personal style, we make decisions based on how much money, attention, fame, or acceptance we will gain from other people.

Examples of Authenticity vs. Inauthenticity

Sometimes reading examples helps to flesh out abstract concepts like authenticity. Here are a few examples taken from real life:

An artist has been contacted by a large publishing agency. They would like to mass produce her art but on the one condition that she change the titles and descriptions. Deep down, the artist knows that the titles and descriptions of her art are intrinsic to her work. She refuses the publishing agencies offer. She has made an authentic choice.

A father sees how gifted at writing his teenage son is. But instead of encouraging his son to pursue a career in writing, the father pressures his son to study business and accounting because it is the “safe” choice. The son then dutifully studies business and accounting in university. Both father and son have made inauthentic decisions.

A life coach who specializes in online mentoring wants to grow her business. In order to get more clients, she focuses solely on what is trendy and popular and writes/talks about those topics. She begins to lose touch with her original vision. She has become inauthentic.

A company is pressured by investors and shareholders to change its philosophy in order to be more “hip,” appeal to the new generation and make more profit. The company refuses to compromise their philosophy. They have made an authentic decision.

12 Signs You’ve Lost Your Authenticity and Are Selling Out

We are not perfect people. Perfection is an illusion. Therefore, it is guaranteed that at some point in your life, you will make an inauthentic decision that compromises your values, vision, or beliefs. It’s just part of being human!

Although we can’t be perfect, we can strive to be more conscious. Self-awareness and honesty are the two key qualities we need to prevent ourselves from slipping into bad choices.

If you’re concerned that you might be “selling out,” read the signs below. They will help to either confirm or challenge your feelings:

  • Your top priority is making bucket loads of money

  • You’re obsessed with getting new followers, fans or subscribers (e.g. on social media)

  • You let others make decisions for you

  • You let others dictate who you are + who you ‘should’ be

  • You follow the crowd and do what everyone else is doing

  • You always follow trends even if they don’t make sense to you

  • You reveal only what makes you look good

  • You copy other people and their style/lifestyle

  • You ignore your gut feelings and intuition

  • You wear a mask around others
    You’re scared to be vulnerable and express your true feelings, thoughts, or values (which may be unpopular)

  • You make decisions based on how much attention, fame, money or acceptance you’ll receive rather than your genuine beliefs, values, or vision

Take a few thoughtful moments to make a serious assessment of the list above. Evaluate each point with an honest heart.

How many can you relate to?

How to Stop Selling Out

 

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

~B. Brown

 

I want to make a clear distinction here. There is a difference between selling yourself and selling out.

Selling yourself, in business and career fields, is about highlighting your genuine strengths and gifts, and offering those to the world. Selling out, on the other hand, is about compromising your personal integrity and letting external things drive you instead of internal qualities.

Also, not everyone has the liberty of making authentic decisions — but I want to emphasize that these situations are literally survival situations. For example, if a small business owner from an impoverished country was approached by a wealthy businessman who wanted to invest in and change his company, do you think it would be smart to decline? In certain environments and situations, making choices that go against our creative vision is essential in order to survive. But if you’re blessed to live in more fortunate circumstances where you’re not literally faced with starvation or anything else equally serious, then making authentic decisions is an intelligent way to live life.

Why is being authentic intelligent? Because you are listening to your heart and nurturing your soul. Money, fame, adoration, and approval from others will quench your ego’s need for safety and control — but that only lasts for so long. Soon, you will be left with a big, empty, gaping hole inside. The true joy, inner peace, and fulfillment come when you are living your truth and putting your essence out into the world.

So how do you let your essence — your passions, perspectives, and values — guide you? Here are some ideas; many of which I have discovered across my own authenticity journey:

1. Pay attention to how the decisions you make feel physically. Do you feel uncomfortable, heavy or dark sensations? Or does your body feel light and energized? Unlike the mind, the body cannot lie. Your body is the best lie detector out there. If you are about to make a decision that does not align with your values, your body will immediately feel and express that. Pay attention to warning signs such as heaviness in the heart area, tensed muscles, lightheadedness, cold shivers, and even physical cringing. Your physical warning signs will be unique to you (and can’t all be listed here), so search for them diligently.

2. Get your priorities straight. At the end of the day, what will TRULY fulfill you? Think about this question very carefully. Will you ultimately be happy with truckloads of followers, clients, money, or a lavish lifestyle, without feeling like you’ve stayed true to yourself? Money is important, don’t get me wrong. But how much money do you actually need in order to be happy and feel fulfilled? You might also like to explore what your main driving forces are: are you driven by power, success, fame, wealth or your individual and unique style, talents, passions, visions, and desires to make an impact? Focus on nailing down your main motivating force and ask yourself, “Is this healthy? Is this aligned with who I truly am?”

3. Explore inauthentic areas in your life. Intentionally carve out time and space to assess your life – that might even mean just sitting here as you’re reading this article and doing a bit of quiet reflecting. Think about areas in your life that you’re unhappy with. Have you lost your authentic voice in that area … or is the issue something else altogether? This process takes honesty. Write down every choice, commitment, and behavior that feels out of alignment with your deepest passions, perspectives, and values.

4. Make the hard choices. Once you’ve identified the inauthentic areas of your life, it’s time to act. You will need to carve out a plan — possibly multiple plans — to regain a sense of personal integrity. Ask yourself questions such as, “What must absolutely go and what can stay?” “What is true to me and what is false?” “What options do I have?” “What is the potential loss and gain in this situation?” “What is the best scenario and worst scenario?” “What is my plan A and plan B?” “What am I clinging to for dear life?” Use a tool like journaling to help you get out your thoughts, feelings, and plans in a coherent, organized, and structured way.

5. Integrate the experience with self-compassion. Once you have made the necessary change, it’s time for reflection. How did it feel to make such big (or small) changes? What parts of you felt threatened? What did you find it easy to let go of and difficult to surrender? How does it feel to walk your own genuine path? How can you avoid making inauthentic decisions in the future? These are all the kind of vital questions you’ll benefit from asking and exploring. Most importantly, integration is about accepting our humanness and all the frailty that comes along with it. Embrace your mistakes, forgive yourself, and let your hard-earned lessons make you stronger and wiser.

In this loud, confusing, and overwhelming world, it can be easy to slip into the role of selling out your integrity and authenticity to gain power, fame, or money. We are bombarded with messages from the media, social media, our colleagues, and even our friends and family members to be anything other than what we are. But in order to live fulfilled and soul-driven lives, we need to put a firm foot down. We need to learn when to say “no” and forcefully draw the line and protect our integrity.

I hope this article has inspired you to preserve your artistic vision, inner values, or deeply held passions. What makes life beautiful is how unique and varied it is. I hope you share your own unique flavor of authenticity with the world!

What is your experience with selling out? Do you have any tips to share surrounding integrity and authenticity?

Finally, I’ll leave you with a final quote. Tell me in the comments, do you agree or disagree with this statement below?

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.”

~Andre Gide

 

~via WakeUp-World.com

STACY VAJTA: “How Do You Know What Is Truly Aligned With You?”

There’s a shift in consciousness happening that’s moving people into their own energetic integrity; living life in alignment with their heart and spirit.

How we live, what we choose to do, the relationships we foster, and even the work we do are all being assessed these days for how aligned they are with our deepest truth; how they support us in moving forward in our own spiritual evolution and what we do right here, in our everyday lives.

The idea of alignment soothes the soul. Yet understanding what is in agreement with us — the right thing to choose — is often a sticking point for people. I see this all the time in my work. People know what they don’t want but have a whole lot of confusion around what is desirable… and even more so, what’s truly aligned.

How do you know what is truly aligned with you?

The other day, someone asked me why I thought a project I had started fell flat. And I shared how I realized I was doing things that lived up to some idea outside of me; a point of reference my dad held that I’d never accomplish what I really wanted to.

I had deferred my own knowledge about myself to his assessment for so long, it had become not only a belief of mine but a deeply woven external reference point that I had to extract myself from to change the belief and start making more aligned choices that did work for me. Although at the time, my initial choice felt aligned because I was so energetically enmeshed in the energy of this point of view. There it is though. When our choices are not aligned, the bottom line is with our own inability — at the time — to recognize, choose, and live our own truth because we are energetically enmeshed in something other.

Energetic Reference Points.

I talk about energetic reference points in my work a lot. They’re those energetic stakes in the sand that we anchor to, that help us assess something or compare things to. These energetic reference points are like signposts, helping us to both understand, and relax into, how we move through the world.

Yet, when we’re working off an energetic reference point that’s external — stemming from outside of us and our truth — we’re actually working off of other people’s ideas, energies, and needs.

Our energetic sensors recognize what’s familiar to that referencing system. We’ll gravitate to what emotionally fits and feels aligned with that. We’ll use that external energy (a.k.a. information) as a source of reference to help us make decisions and understand things. We’ll tie our energy to that and let it influence our choices.

And, in the process, we often forget our own internal point of reference, which helps align us with what we want and need: our true story.

Confusion.

When you get your most confused, it’s because you’re working off of this external energetic reference point. Deep down, you know something is off… but what? You know this energetic signpost so well. You may have even been working off of it your entire life.

Yet this nagging need for alignment is still there. This inner conflict begins to play out between the need to find alignment and the energetic information coming from outside of you, fueling your process. You get lost in how to understand yourself and what you need.

It can be challenging to let go of working off of someone else’s energetic point of view — be that your family, society or someone who impacts you in some way. To do so, you have to let go of what has “externally” helped you establish meaning, and now find your original energetic signpost within yourself. You have to own up to what is you and stand in the power of that. Anchoring back into you.

Shifting back into your own internal energetic referencing, like anything, begins with awareness. You must first recognize that you are using someone else’s energetic universe and ideas to fuel your own decisions.

Next comes reconnecting to your own passions and ideas. You must claim your own truth, despite the fears of falling short in someone’s eyes, disappointing someone, feeling ashamed for choosing you, or any other myriad of healing that needs to happen to transform what has kept you from feeling safe enough to choose you in the first place.

And then, you must do the work of growing into the person you must be, to live your truth through what you do.

This isn’t about cutting cords. It would be really easy to think that perhaps you could just cut an energetic cord to someone (or their ideas) if their energy was connected with you. But that’s way too simple of an idea. Sorry. I really hate to burst the bubble on that concept.

If you are working off of someone else’s energy — their energetic reference point and not your own — it’s because you, for some reason, have not yet had the ability to recognize and claim your own truth. You have unconsciously deferred your energy and your choice to someone, or something, else.

To find alignment, you must first come back to you. You must first know yourself and be able to use that as your gauge for what feels aligned with you. The signs. You’ll know alignment when you feel ease and grace, but more importantly, you’ll recognize alignment when you establish your own internal energetic referencing system that guides you into choices that deeply resonates with your truth.

If you aren’t owning your truth and working off your own energy — and using that as your reference for what is real and right — alignment will allude and confuse you.

I love the phrase, “If a door isn’t opening, it’s not your door.” If things aren’t working for you, then there’s something that’s still out of alignment; there’s still some energy that you are using as your own source of assessing what choice to make, that is not your truth. Don’t keep randomly trying new doors. Find the means to do the inner work to assess where you are working off of some external reference point.

Shift back into you; claim you. Then, you — and energetically only you — can begin to choose what is aligned from a place of clarity and energetic integrity.

 

~via Wake-UpWorld.com