ALETHEIA LUNA: “Being Spiritual Doesn’t Mean Sh*t If You Can’t Hold Space for Others”

“If we ever hope to grow at a deep level and feel authentically connected to others, we need to learn how to hold space for both ourselves and others.”

~Aletheia Luna

 

So, here’s the thing. We might do Instagram-perfect yoga. We might meditate for at least an hour a day. We might pray. Say mantras. Do mudras. Send love to the world. We might have a hoard of crystals and other spiritual trinkets. We might do elaborate daily rituals, eat a cruelty-free whole food diet, and fast every month. We might burn incense, smile all day, say affirmations, and say “love and light” or “namaste” a lot. We might call ourselves spiritual seekers, healers, empaths, intuitives, old souls, or yogis.

But in my humble opinion, all of this doesn’t mean sh*t if we can’t show compassion and be there for others.

The Hypocrisy of Saccharine Spirituality

Firstly, I want to start by saying that I am by no means innocent. I have judged others before, turned a blind eye, shown unkindness, and committed spiritual bypassing — all while under the self-designated label of being “spiritual.”

I think to some extent, we all have. That is why I feel that the topic of this article is so important to cover — hypocrisy is something that we’re all capable of. The tendency is latent within each and every one of us. And I think we all need to understand and work to be aware of that.

But there are some things in life that tend to trigger, bring out, and exacerbate this hypocrisy. In this case, I am referring to a certain popular variety of spirituality. I call it Saccharine Spirituality — and it is a type of spirituality that is defined by a sickly sweet emphasis on “good vibes only” and “love and light” without much depth or real-life rawness.

Saccharine spirituality is the type of spirituality out there that involves worshiping the “feel-good” and “high vibe,” but actively avoids, denies, or shuns anything negative and uncomfortable. Saccharine spirituality is all about feeling empowered, developing self-love, and celebrating forms of spirituality that look good on the surface — but at the same time, it produces a phobia of anything too real, too emotionally challenging, too blood-and-dirt, too “unawakened” or “low vibe.”

And it doesn’t take much to see that saccharine spirituality is alive and thriving more than ever. We can literally see it everywhere: on social media, in real life, and in all spiritual and religious spheres.

I first witnessed saccharine spirituality growing up in the Christian church I was raised in. I remember how the church abandoned, passively shunned, and ignored one of the women who had been attending the church for 20+ years. This woman’s husband had been prosecuted for child molestation and was going to prison. I was the only one who spoke to this gentle soul, despite the fact that we were all supposed to be “brothers and sisters in Christ.”

I now witness this type of abandonment and hypocrisy in the spiritual realm.

I hear and witness self-described sensitive “empaths” show an extraordinary lack of empathy and self-entitled judgment towards others.

I watch “old souls” tear each other apart like animals.

I see spiritual seekers ostracize and react harshly to any person who thinks critically.

I look on as “healers” rush to fix, ignore, predict, or diagnose the suffering of others.

I watch as “psychics/mystics/witches/yogis” (*insert spiritual label here*) love talking and posting about themselves, but ignore meeting others on a deep level.

I’m sorry. I don’t care if you’re a talented healer or psychic. I’m not interested in whether you’re a self-identified empath or spiritual seeker. I don’t want to hear about how much mystical power or intuitive prowess you have. Being spiritual doesn’t mean sh*t if you can’t hold space for people.

What Does Holding Space Mean?

Holding space is very simple. It means being completely present with another person. Holding space means giving another the opportunity to be completely heard, seen, and understood. I’m not talking about trying to fix, give advice to, or pathologize the other person — when I say holding space, I mean it in the most simple way possible: just being 100% there for the person, without trying to change or force advice onto them.

To witness another person and be completely receptive to what they have to share is scarcely practiced. How often have you felt deeply heard, seen, and understood by another? How often has someone sat down with you and genuinely asked: “Hey, share with me how you feel” and held space for all your joy or sorrow? If you’re like most people: pretty rarely.

It’s no wonder that most of us are so emotionally starved. It’s no wonder that most of us are so desperate to be seen.

In a world full of stress, incessant business, emotional isolation, and self-absorption, holding space for someone is the most precious gift you can give. That is why I say that being spiritual doesn’t mean shit without this one important practice. Who cares if you possess extrasensory gifts or can meditate for six hours straight? Who cares if you have deep self-knowledge or can enter alternate planes of consciousness at will?

If you can’t bring those skills into your life in a down-to-earth way, they mean nothing.

If you can’t practically apply them in the blood-and-grit of daily life, they mean nothing.

If you can’t connect or show kindness to others, they mean nothing.

If you can’t sit down with a person and ask “Hi. How are you really?” and actually listen wholeheartedly, don’t even bother.

In the end, if your brand of spirituality encourages self-absorption and a superficial feel-good denial of other’s pain, it’s a waste of time.

“Your pain, your sorrow, your doubts, your longings, your fearful thoughts: they are not mistakes, and they are not asking to be ‘healed.’ They are asking to be held.” ~Jeff Foster

 

How to Hold Space for People

Holding space is about giving space.

Too often we jump to the part where we want to fix, instruct, or heal the person — or even worse, hog the conversation, talk about ourselves, and “one-up” the other person’s pain. But the truth is, most people (including ourselves) are just looking for a person who will sit with them in all of their joy or misery, and BE.

Mindful presence is the core of what holding space means. In other words, holding space means that we simply sit with a person and give them our undivided attention in the spirit of kindness.

“Undivided attention!?” you may think, “I don’t have the energy to do that!” Don’t worry. I realize that holding space for others isn’t always possible. You’re not alone. If you’re anything like me, your energy reserves are very limited. So it’s unrealistic to expect ourselves to always hold space for others, especially when we are tired, stressed, or sick. In which case, don’t be a martyr. Take care of yourself. Have a break. Step away. Have a nap. Top up your energy reservoir.

But if you’re still struggling to hold space for others, there might be a deeper underlying issue that you need to work through.

For example, do you often feel yourself talking over or interrupting others? Do most of your conversations center around your issues, thoughts, and feelings? Do you feel uncomfortable when others get too emotional? Do you find deep topics of conversation unsettling? These are all signs that you aren’t holding space for yourself. In such a case… how can you hold space for others when you aren’t holding space for yourself?

If we ever hope to grow at a deep level and feel authentically connected to others, we need to learn how to hold space for both ourselves and others.

Here’s how to do that.

Holding space for ourselves and others:

1. Mindfully tune into yourself

How can you become receptive and open to others without doing the same for yourself? Tuning into your thoughts and feelings is a practice called mindfulness. It requires you to become curious about what is going on inside of you. And to do that, you’ll need to slow down and breathe a little. Ask yourself, “How am I feeling at the moment?” “What type of thoughts/stories are running through my head?” Also be attentive to your body and notice whatever sensation, ache, or pain you feel. Simply note how you feel and move on with your day. If you need help doing this, I highly recommend that you use an app I use called ‘Calm’ — it will motivate you to develop mindfulness as a skill.

2. Be transparent with yourself

Express how you feel in an authentic way. Allow yourself to be seen by yourself. To do this, find a notebook or journal that you can dedicate to your thoughts and feelings. Journaling every day about what is worrying or concerning you will create more clarity in your life. Not only that but when you make this therapeutic tool a habit, you will feel more emotionally balanced and capable of truly holding space for others.

3. Release pent-up emotions

Don’t allow your emotions to build up inside of you. Find healthy outlets to express them such as through artwork, intense exercise, catharsis, or simply having a good cry. When we are motivated to “help” others out of the need to relieve our own internal discomfort, we’re not being kind. We’re not being empathetic. We’re just not. Instead, we are using others as a way to feel better about ourselves. Finding a safe form of catharsis will allow you to be calm and centered enough to show compassionate attentiveness to yourself and others.

4. Learn to listen more than talk

Master the art of listening. If you are a person who is used to chattering away, experiment with being quiet and allowing others to talk. How do you feel when you don’t talk so much? You might feel a sense of relief, or alternatively, you might feel unseen or ignored. Journal about these feelings. If you feel uncomfortable with allowing others to speak more than you, ask yourself “why?” In what ways are you depending on others to be seen and understood, rather than yourself? Practicing active listening involves making eye contact, letting others speak uninterrupted, indicating that you understand what the person is saying, and listening without judgment.

5. Let your mind be like water

Listen to other people without forming responses in your mind. How often has someone shared something interesting, and you miss the rest of what they say because you’re too busy constructing a clever/insightful reply? It’s tempting to fill the spaces in conversations with thoughts. After all, our minds think around 800 words per minute, compared to 125-150 words we speak per minute. But experiment with listening wholeheartedly to what a person says. If thoughts come into your mind, gently refocus your mind on what the person is saying. Then, after the person has stopped talking, give yourself a few seconds to gather thoughts, then respond. I promise that your response will be much more engaging and interesting to the other person because you have gathered all the nuances and details (instead of prematurely forming a response).

6. Let compassion guide you

The purpose of holding space for another isn’t to be a saint. It isn’t to be a martyr. It is to be entertained or to get karmic brownie points. To hold space for a person is an act of compassion, an expression of love for another human being. It not only makes you feel good, but it also makes the other person feel seen, heard, and understood. What could be more precious than that?

7. Practice with a friend or family member

An easy way to practice holding space is to schedule time every week with someone close to you, and to exchange mindful presence with each other. Notice how it feels to be completely received by another person. Imagine giving that to others on a regular basis!

8. Know your limits and take self-responsibility

Are you tired, cranky, overwhelmed, or otherwise incapable of holding space for another? Relax. It’s normal and 100% fine to feel that way. But make sure that you take responsibility for how you feel.

Final Thoughts

Holding space for others doesn’t mean that you have to be a pushover, doormat, or unnecessarily submissive person. Sometimes you will need to hold space for yourself more than others. Sometimes you will enter long periods of life where you are incapable of being present with others. That is normal. Not all of us can be Eckhart Tolle 24/7. So do the compassionate thing and draw a line. Learn to say a gentle no to others and be OK with it. If someone is becoming overly clingy or needy, be assertive, draw clear boundaries, and step away in a firm but caring manner. It is OK to be selective about who you hold space for, particularly if you dislike the person and struggle to stay present with them. (Hey, we’re all human!)

You might also be short on time, but still wish to hold space for another. In this case, explain to the other that you only have a couple of minutes to spare, or set another date and time to catch up.

Remember, holding space needs to come out of a place of compassion and the desire to help others be seen, heard, and understood. If you are doing it out of obligation, pressure, or duty, take a step back. Change course. Do something else.

The most important ingredient for holding space for another is the ability to hold space for yourself. By genuinely taking the time to wholeheartedly listen to your inner thoughts and feelings, you will be better equipped to show the same to others.

Spirituality is not just about learning to love ourselves. It is also about learning to extend that love and care to others in a down-to-earth way. One of the best and easiest ways to do that is by simply listening to others. You don’t need to always give them pep talks. You don’t need to always rush to prescribe a solution to their problems. Often, what people need the most is just a person who is receptive enough to simply listen without judgment.

To be completely seen, heard, and understood in the presence of another living soul is one of the most healing forces in the world. I hope you take the time to share this gift with others.

 

~via LonerWolf.com

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L’AURA PLEIADIAN: “What True Love is ~ SELFLESS ~ Caring, Respectful and Kind”

This is a CALL to true self-awareness.

The True Love everyone desires, starts within.

The qualities and virtues that TRUE Love embodies, involves true caring, being respectful of others boundaries, is kind, gentle and is selfless.

When I say selfless, do not misconstrue that with the ideas of allowing abuse. This is not what I am referring to.

IN fact, NOT allowing oneself to be abused and treated without respect and love is loving oneself. I have been there, done that.

This is where it starts. Self love is the cornerstone of all love.

Many people in relationships on Earth involve the playing out of baggage or past life memories, which become the stepping stone to honouring true self-love.

The love that first honours themselves, that can then love, honour and respect the other.

THIS INCLUDES allowing whatever is BEST for the Other (not what we think is best) what THEY feel is best, and giving the space and respect to honour them, their wishes, their desires.

Does love blame someone else for hurting our feelings?

Does love Blame someone else who does not live up to our demanding ideal?

Are those ideals created only as an excuse to not look at ourselves?

Our own actions?

Our own awareness to be in the state of Love? Our own level of qualities and virtues of love?

Love never blames, never demands.

Anyone who attempts to tell you what is best, or they had your best interests at heart, yet ignore your desires, not only does not feel good. But is a crossing of boundaries, is a disrespect to their very own free will. That is not love.

Love allows, trusts, the other, even if that means it does not include a life with them. The common type of co dependency relationship is exactly the opposite.

Holding on, manipulating, judging, assuming, as a cover up for getting what we want, is NOT LOVE.

Love is SELFLESS.

So if you are in the process of learning and applying self-love, examine yourself. Your qualities, your virtues.

Do you always respect other people’s boundaries?

Do you care so much for the other, that you are willing to let go and stop demanding?

Do you respect their own private space?

Have you stopped badgering others for more time?

Do you need MORE from others?

Do you watch the clock and attempt to control what they do and when?

Do you invade others privacy? Or attempt to? To see who they are communicating with? And attempt to judge or control that?

These are the basics to look at within.

Love is not winning someone.

That SELF LOVE is self-love, it doesn’t judge or demand anything from oneself other than allowing, not judging, ACCEPTING and being truthful with what is, within.

Then mastery leads to giving the same loving, accepting, non controlling TRUE love to others.

We do not demand others to do what we want in love. We cherish and respect every moment for what it is.

The opportunity to LOVE ~ to be in that state of Love.

To be pure, to be totally accepting of the moment.

Trusting it is unfolding as it is, loving IT.

Loving all MOMENTS as they are.

Any resemblance of attempting to change what is in the moment is nothing less than ego still having its way. Protecting inner turmoil from surfacing before one is ready to deal with these past life memories.

It is the same with what one calls, the veil. It is a protection mechanism of the subconscious for the FEAR level in the buried memories, till it is safe enough (based on The Soul Plan, what level) for things to be revealed. Purely as they are,

If you find yourself caught up in an abusive relationship, please make it a priority to leave. There will be a way.

If you find yourself in old patterns that are not loving, PLEASE make the conscious effort to be present and begin loving yourself. It will take practice. LETTING go of control is not something the ego wants to do, it feels scary because of the fear held as energetic memories in the subconscious.

Start slowly, address these things that are NOT self-love, lovingly. Gently.

Trust the process.

IT IS ALL for being Love, that is it. Loving truly. Being True Love. Being the embodiment of TRUE LOVE.

Selfless, respectful of others boundaries, non judging, gentle and kind. That is Love, anything else is not true love.

In love and glory, always.

 

 

To Receive The New Divine Humanity “Healing”  Frequency Transmission:

What True Love is ~ SELFLESS ~ Caring, Respectful and Kind

copyright L’Aura Pleiadian~ The New Divine Humanity 2012-2018.

 

~via TheNewDivineHumanity.com

SUSAN VIVYAN: “10 Pragmatic Steps For Higher Self-Awareness”

As we are in the “flip-around” time from 3D to 5D awareness these are some pragmatic tips on how to release the old 3D programming.

1)  Read or listen to articles, books, webinars that are inspiring, uplifting. Discern what resonates with you. Allow any thoughts or inspiration gained from these to be a springboard toward forward movement.

2)  Disengage from any media, situation(s), groups or individuals that dispense or are engaged in any fear based mentality according to your discernment.

3)  Release, release, release and let go! As we often say allow any negativity or old programming to flow in and out of you without getting stuck in the vibration of unhealthiness. Much like a piece of scotch tape let the stickiness of anything be pulled up, out and thrown away. Meditation, yoga, and any creative activity be it music, dance, art, writing, etc. helps in the release process. Engage in activities of your choosing that help you clear the clutter from your vibration.

4)  Gratitude. Be grateful you are alive at this time. What you focus on amplifies. Sometimes things are not what they seem; amidst it all be grateful. There is a grander plan of action. Trust. Have faith in yourself and in higher guidance & direction outside of your control. Let go and trust.

5)  Let your emotions flow in & out. Envision the rain washing over you, the wind blowing all away. You are adrift on a flowing river; don’t get caught in the currents of drama. Use meditation as your guide and seek others to support and guide you as needed. Acknowledge all emotions but don’t let them dictate your sense of well-being.

6)  Self-care. Take care of your own needs & desires first. Not selfish in some instances but allow your talents to rise with others and create a higher state of consciousness. We are saying that sometimes others needs take precedence but overall do not ignore your own well-being.

7)  Focus. Persevere. Persist. Grit. Do it Now. Even though appearances may be different than your current reality — shift your focus on what you want. The tough get going when the going is (perceived) tough. Even though time is perceived differently in your current reality keep going for what you want. Don’t give up. Those gentle nudgings are there to steer you in a direction of your choosing. The more you align with the nudges; the more you align with your higher self. If one road is not taken have no fears or worry of taking the wrong road — another way will open up.

8)  Do what you love. Do what you love the money, relationship(s), job or career, etc. will evolve. So true. Set your sight on what you enjoy and life will be a grand adventure. Enjoy the ride!

9)  Flow. When you are in the flow you enjoy the present moment which leads to another present moment dissolving past & future; dissipating any worries or concerns.

10)  Ground into the earth. Ground into the earth. As we said it is good to read, disengage from 3D programming (if you’re reading this you know): however, keep your focus on the present moment and keep your feet on the ground. Get out and immerse yourself in nature. Engage with children, animals. Spread your light to others — a smile, a kind word, a nice gesture. Be in the world, not of it as you transition and are transitioning into 5D consciousness. And again we repeat…ENJOY THE RIDE!

 

 

~via In5D.com

LIFE COACH CODE: “10 Most Common Flaws Of Thinking That Distort Your Reality”

Our mind takes a lot of energy to process all the operations it needs to process during the day.

That’s why it creates shortcuts and biases, to save as much energy as it can without losing it’s efficiency.

However, these biases skew our sense of reality and most of the time we take decisions based on a false reality.

There are over 200 known biases that the human mind makes and integrates within its way of thinking.

Here are the 10 most common biases we use daily to save mental energy and make quick decisions. You’ll get a sense of how flawed our perception of reality and reasoning are.

10 Most Common Flaws Of Thinking:

1. Filtering

You filter out all the positive aspects of a situation and magnify the negative details.

How to combat it?

Try to list out as many positive details about a particular situation you find to be negative.

2. Polarized Thinking

You see things as Black and White, Good or Bad, there is nothing in between. Either you are perfect or you are a failure.

How to combat it?

There are many shades between black and white. Understand that nothing in nature is an extreme, it’s just our position of seeing a particular thing that can give us this subjectivity. If something is not perfect doesn’t mean it’s garbage.

3. Overgeneralization

You come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence without further research.

How to combat it?

Ask yourself where your evidence came from, how trustworthy is the source of the evidence, and is there any other evidence to back this assumption. How likely is for this single instance to be a general repeating truth? Did it happen at least 3 times with the same conditions? Were there any instances you can think of where the same conditions applied but the incident didn’t happen?

4. Mind Reading

Without their saying so, you assume what people were thinking and feeling, or why they act the way they do. You think you know what people think about you.

How to combat it?

Even though we like it to be true, we can’t read other people’s minds. We can assume what they think based on subtle clues and body language, we can get really close, but we can’t literally read their minds. What we usually do is project our own thoughts and we assume what they would think. Even if we come close to what they were thinking we cannot possibly know what they felt and for what reason. It takes years to connect with someone to such level, and even then our assumptions are wrong most of the time.

5. Catastrophizing

You always expect the worst. When you notice or hear about a problem you start asking What Ifs, What If It Happened To You.

How to combat it?

Just because something happened somewhere it doesn’t mean it will happen to you. Think about how many people it will not happen to. What makes you so special?

6. Personalization

Thinking that everything people say or do is some kind of reaction to you. You compare to others trying to determine who is better looking, smarter, etc.

How to combat it?

What people care about the most is themselves. They are obsessed with their own insecurities and they really do not care that much about you. The one who cares most about you is yourself and that’s why you assume everyone around you do the same. How sure are you about your assumptions? Can you test them in some way?

7. Control Fallacies

If you feel externally controlled, you see yourself as helpless, a victim of fate. On the opposite side, feeling everything in your life is internally controlled by you makes you feel responsible for the pain and happiness of everyone around you.

How to combat it?

The only responsibility you really have in your life is yourself. Understand that there are things outside of your control. What’s within your control are your choices, and even your choices can’t make other people happy if they do not choose to make themselves happy.

8. Fallacy Of Fairness

You feel resentful because you think you know what’s fair but others do not agree with you.

How to combat it?

Others might not see through the same perspective as you do. Try to see through other people’s eyes. Why would they not agree with you? What would be their reasoning? Where is their mistake? Instead of harboring anger within yourself try to let them know why you think they are wrong and you are right. Try to converse on the topic and maybe you will see the flaw in your perception. Maybe they will see their flaw. Whatever you do, expressing your truth will give you clarity.

9. Blaming

You hold other people responsible for your pain.

How to combat it?

Even though others might have hurt you they are not responsible for your pain. They might be responsible for what happened but your pain is your responsibility to heal. They do not feel pain, you do. Unless you accept your responsibility you will not be able to heal yourself. It’s much better to heal yourself than to seek revenge, be selfish about this.

10. Should

You have a list of rules and commandments about how everyone should act. If someone breaks a rule it extremely angers you and if you violate a rule you feel guilty.

How to combat it?

Nobody knows the right way to live so why would you assume everyone should listen to you? Nobody is born with a guide book. Even though your rules might be created to reduce suffering, know that most often, when rules are followed blindly, it comes a time when they create more suffering than reduce it. Especially if these rules are forced unto someone. We all follow a different path to the truth. If some rules work for you does not mean they will work for anyone else. Have your boundaries, but let others be free in having their own. Think about how you would feel if others forced some rules you don’t agree with upon your way of living. How will these rules help others? Explain it to them, invite them to follow.

 

 

~via LifeCoachCode.com

MANIFESTING MARIA: “Manifesting Self-Reflection”

“Self-reflection is the capacity to exercise introspection and the willingness of humans to examine their fundamental nature, conscious thoughts and feelings, in order to learn more about their purpose and soul essence. It causes us to ask ourselves who we are, why we are, who we want to be and how we can be better.”

~Maria Palmeri

 

I don’t know about you, but just “being” isn’t enough for me. One of my core values is intentional growth. I have to strive to be my best and true self. To grow, to learn, to evolve, to have pride of character and to touch the lives of others and inspire them to the same. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t always be my best self, I make mistakes. I’m no spiritual snob… but I am always trying to understand myself and my motives so that I can try to manifest my best self and true desires. To do that, I always have to be conscious of who I am and what I’m reflecting.

I was talking with a friend the other day and we were commiserating about “Why are we on this quest of inner healing?” Why are we moved to emotionally twist ourselves up and chase down our demons to be our best selves when we can look around and clearly see that others seem to be comfortable walking around and interacting as their (for lack of a better word) “shitty-shit” selves?!

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. ”

~Lao Tzu

It occurred to me that not everyone has self-reflection skills. Self-reflection is the capacity to exercise introspection and the willingness of humans to examine their fundamental nature, conscious thoughts and feelings, in order to learn more about their purpose and soul essence. It causes us to ask ourselves who we are, why we are, who we want to be and how we can be better.

Why is introspection so important?

It’s easy to get distracted by life, moving from one moment to the next. Too busy doing, reacting, blaming and ultimately delaying the critical thinking necessary to constructively examine our lives. By enhancing our ability to understand ourselves and our motivations, we bring our focus back from outside diversions to ourselves and inner self-growth. Self-reflection is the key to real and lasting, positive self-transformation and personal growth.

We have over 50,000 thoughts per day, over half of which are negative and over 90% of which are just repeats from the day before. Many people get stuck in the cycle of blaming their feelings of failure, unworthiness, or unhappiness on others, while remaining blind to what they do to create and re-create their circumstances. Without awareness, we can change behaviors but we will not manifest the real and lasting transformation that we desire.

“An unexamined life is not worth living.”

~Plato

If we can become experts in self, we can change our wasteful or negative thought patterns into positive, self-transformational thought patterns that benefit our lives, progeny and the collective community.

Resources on self-reflection practice:

87 Self-Reflection Questions:

https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/introspection-self-reflection/#references

The Lost Art of Introspection:

http://expertenough.com/2990/the-lost-art-of-introspection-why-you-must-master-yourself

Do you utilize self-reflection? How has it benefited your life?

Love, Maria

 

 

~via ManifestingMaria.com