“It is about you and your healing after all. We have the ability to create boundaries for those with none and in this process we find our self-worth… we begin to value ourselves.”
“It is about you and your healing after all. We have the ability to create boundaries for those with none and in this process we find our self-worth… we begin to value ourselves.”
One form of love, which is considered the most frequent, is, unfortunately, toxic love. This love appears as a result of insecurity or fear, and it does not do favors to anyone.
Our environment will become even more toxic when we get attached more and more to those people that are wrong for us. Toxic people have the ability to drain us of our happiness, regardless of the fact if we allow that or not. These people build their toxic relationships on an unstable foundation.
Here, we will present you some sign which indicated that you might be in such a relationship, or signs which suggest that you are with a toxic partner. You will definitely need a change when you notice these signs because toxic people and relationships cannot be suitable for every one of us.
Sorry about this, but when you are not your partner’s priority now, you will never be. He or she has to hold you on the identical standard they hold themselves. Refusing to do that will be a sign that you have to move on, as you deserve a lot more.
The mistakes they made cannot be yours; they have to be prepared for everything they say or do. You should never be blamed for their own mistakes. Toxic people are obsessed with the idea of bringing other people down, especially those that they are closest with.
These people believe that they can do everything, while their partners are not allowed to do those same things. For example, you would like to go outside and spend some time together with friends, and in the same time, your partner is also with his friends; however, they will refuse that right when you ask them. Remember that they see you just as their property and not as their loved one.
Usually, toxic people will not really like the ones that really matter to you. They will not like that idea as those that care about you will normally see their true self. In fact, toxic people hate this, so they are going to try hard in order to keep you far from your loved ones.
Toxic people will never respect your limits, and they are always going to do something or force you into certain things which you wouldn’t like to do. As a result of this, you will find yourself in uncomfortable situations, which are not supposed to happen.
They seem like they try their best in order to bring those that love them down. Toxic people will not support those around them, but they will tear those people apart. For example, when you are happy about something, they are going to everything in order to ruin your happiness. This pleases them after all.
So, for some unknown reasons, toxic people feel good when they lie. So, they are going to lie you about something that is insignificant and goes too far in order to reach their goal, which is making you feel terrible. Remember that you cannot trust someone you love although you would like to do it with your whole heart.
Toxic people never allow their partners to have their personal space. For example, having your personal space means having time to reflect and think, and thinking well may make you come to the decision of leaving your partner. These people love crossing boundaries, so when you do something without their permission, they will be furious.
These people adore controlling you, and not only you but every single thing in life. This type of control means the ultimate superpower for them. Just said, they would like to have the ability to control you and make you do what they want you to do. They are going to cut ties when they see that they are not able to control you.
These people are never going to listen to you or care about your own necessities. They are selfish people, so they don’t want to worry about you or about everything you need. They practice only self-care, although you may be in a relationship for a long time.
“The best ideal for unity is love.”
Every family is a building block in the society we live in. In order to have a strong and loving society, we must ensure that it starts with the family.
Love is what keeps a family strong and intact. Without love, a family can’t stand the tests of time. No relationship can.
This doesn’t mean that because you have genuine love, conflicts would no longer arise. On the contrary, genuine love can be tough but is not conditioned.
Family love is a safe haven for unconditional love. Unconditional love means even if there are arguments and fighting at times, your love for each other stays the same.
The stronger the bond of love we can create within the family, the better and more loving society we can constitute. Here are some ways you can strengthen the love of your family.
Whatever you and your family believe in, include some form of spirituality within your home and your interactions. Have a mutual ideal that you all follow, so even if your beliefs are different, you can meet at this ideal. The best ideal for unity is love.
The dining table is the best place to share exciting experiences. Eating together can be hell if your relationships are difficult, if you can’t handle each other. However, that’s exactly why eating together is important, it highlights all the areas you need to work on.
When you interact with your family, it’s much more important to let them feel loved and be kind, than be right, even if you really are right and they are wrong. The most important ingredient is love and your relationship is about love, not about who is right.
Taking a trip together, even if it’s for just one day, can bring you much closer. Sometimes it’s the environment you always interact with that stimulates bad behavior and irritates old wounds. Changing the environment can give you a different perspective of who they are.
When you laugh with someone you are bonding with them on a deeper level. And laughing with your siblings can be more healing than you can even imagine.
In order to be open with our family and love them freely, without getting drained of our energy it’s important to have strong boundaries. You need to let your family know the importance of your boundaries. Show respect, trust and honesty so they can show it back.
Have weekly hang outs with your family. If you can’t do it once per week do it once per two weeks. Spend an extra bonding time with each member in the family to make them feel special. Maintain your relationships.
Keeping secrets within your family and gossiping is going to rust your family apart. Secrets and gossip create bonding but in a form of triangulation, you are bonding with one member while using another member as the topic for the conversation, as a punching bag.
Instead of small talk, gossip and shallow conversations, or topics that lead you to argue with each other, speak about things that are real. Speak about your feelings, speak about what really matters to you, what you are passionate about. That’s what family is for.
Nobody is perfect. And yeah, some family members might function with an old, really outdated operating system. But it’s not your job to change them, it’s not their job to change you either. Accept each other with all your flaws and try to love who you are.
A home that is full of love is felt not only by adults but also by babies.
Are you in a chaotic or energy-sucking relationship? If so, you need to know about the social/relationship disorder known as “Amorphia”!
Do you have a friend, partner or parent who spews their emotions, crosses boundaries or manipulates the relationship according to their needs? If so, they may be suffering from the social/relationship disorder called Amorphia!
The term “Amorphia” is derived from the word amorphous which means “indefinite character without defined shape or form; lacking clear structure, boundaries or focus.”
Although the word “amorphous” is most commonly used to describe undefined circumstances or shapeless substances, such as clouds or chemicals, people can also have amorphous tendencies. In fact, in many cases, amorphous behaviors can turn into a social dysfunction that negatively affects relationships.
Even though I usually prefer to avoid labels, I also know that it’s impossible to heal a relationship without first identifying the core issue. As a result, I have personally coined the term “Amorphia” to describe this relationship dynamic.
You know all those people who drain your energy? Well, in all likelihood, many of them suffer from some degree of Amorphia, and, therefore, they can be defined as “Amorphics”! Although severe Amorphics are often described as “energy sucking vampires,” in most cases, the signs and symptoms of Amorphia are more subtle.
Although Amorphia can manifest as a wide range of behaviors, it can be defined as the misuse and abuse of energy, and this means that Amorphic people are not responsible with their energy (aka emotions, behaviors actions, etc…).
Even though many Amorphics don’t understand how their behavior negatively affects others, the combination of mixed messages and broken promises results in ongoing arguments and chaotic relationships.
Chances are, if someone is not consciously using their energy, they’re unconsciously abusing it!
Although Amorphia can show up in many different ways, Amorphics can be divided into two distinct categories:
While Amorphic Sponges absorb, distort and/or project energy, they are more likely to be overly sensitive “people pleasers,” and while Amorphic Projectors project and distort energy, they are noticeably insensitive and more likely to develop narcissistic tendencies.
Amorphic Sponges seek approval, acceptance, appreciation, validation, etc…, and in order to get one or more of these emotional needs met, they may change their behavior to please others; this often results in self-suppression and disempowerment.
Amorphic Projectors seek respect and recognition in order to feel superior, and they always have to be right. Since they have to control the energy in any room or relationship, they often use their energy to over-power and suppress others.
While Amorphic Sponges need others to lift them up, Amorphic Projectors use others to lift them up.
Despite their differences, Projectors and Sponges share many common traits, and, in fact, they both misuse their energy in the same four ways.
So, unless otherwise specified, the following applies to both types of Amorphics.
Both Amorphic Projectors and Amorphic Sponges project their energy through emotions — often using their emotions to manipulate others. While Amorphic Projectors are more likely to project anger, frustration, etc… and Amorphic Sponges are more likely to project sadness, disappointment, etc…, guilt and obligation are commonly used by both.
Since Amorphics project their energy/emotions onto others, if they’re feeling something, they want others to feel it too, and, in fact, it’s common for Amorphics to make other people responsible for their emotions. For example, it’s common to hear Amorphics say things like, “You made me angry.” By spewing blame and disappointment, they also make others responsible for their happiness.
Although some Amorphics wear their emotions on their sleeves, many are emotionally unavailable and hide their emotions. It’s also common for Amorphics to be emotionally reactive and quickly jump to conclusions. So, if something goes right, they’re happy, and if something goes wrong, they’re distraught.
Moreover, Amorphics may try to enroll others in their story by chronically validating their fears with “horror stories,” thereby manipulating people to feel what they feel. For example, if an Amorphic person is afraid of dogs, they may frequently share stories about random dog attacks.
Although Amorphics may spew their fears without ulterior motives, many intentionally provoke fear in order to control a partner’s, friend’s or child’s choices. For instance, to convince a partner not to go out with friends after work, an Amorphic partner may start talking about a local crime trend.
Furthermore, the Amorphic Sponge is an “energetic sponge” who takes on other people’s energy, emotions, and drama, and this means that if a friend or relative is sad, they’re sad. As a result, many Amorphic Sponges are ungrounded and emotionally unstable. In fact, they may expect a significant other to ground them or play the responsible adult.
On the other hand, the Amorphic Projector often diverts other people’s energy and may not seem to care how anyone feels — this dynamic results in, what appears to be, self-righteousness and a lack of compassion.
Rather than taking responsibility for their own lives, it’s common for both types of Amorphics to shift responsibility. Therefore, instead of taking responsibility for bad choices or negative circumstances, Amorphics either portray themselves as victims or justify their behavior with excuses.
By making others responsible for their feelings, they naturally project expectations, and when those expectations are not met, they project blame and disappointment.
So, no matter what happens, they have a distorted sense of responsibility.
However, even though Amorphics don’t take responsibility for their own lives, they may somehow believe that they have the right to manipulate others, and, when this is the case, they can either be over-protective people pleasers who feel responsible for everyone (aka Sponges) or over-bearing control freaks who always know best (aka Projectors)!
In addition to their emotions, Amorphics often manipulate others through judgment and blame, and if those strategies don’t work, threats and consequences are common. For instance, they might threaten to withhold love or approval, and if they don’t get their way, follow through accordingly. And, when all else fails, some Amorphics resort to suicidal threats, possibly escalating to tangible plans, and this means that the Amorphic person makes another person (usually a romantic partner) responsible for whether they live or die.
While Amorphic Sponges are more likely to hurt themselves, Amorphic Projectors are more likely to hurt others. Believing that they have the right to over-power or control another person, in extreme cases, Amorphic Projectors use their energy to violate others, and this can manifest as anything from bullying and verbal threats to physical violence.
Furthermore, whenever you see domestic violence, there’s always an Amorphic Projector acting as the abuser and an Amorphic Sponge portraying the victim.
By sharing too much information or asking inappropriate/personal questions, Amorphics can make people feel uncomfortable, and, furthermore, many Amorphics consistently ignore social signals.
On the other hand, in order to remain non-committal, some Amorphics share too little information. In fact, based on their needs or a desired outcome, Amorphics might omit pertinent information altogether, and, as a result, they’re often accused of lying.
Since the person who withholds information has greater power, their friends, relatives and colleagues are often at a disadvantage.
Furthermore, because Amorphic Projectors don’t consider the needs or wants of others, they often make choices without consulting those involved, and if they always have to be right, everyone else has to be wrong.
Not surprisingly, Amorphics often make their partners (and others) feel like they’re going crazy!
Both Amorphic Projectors and Amorphic Sponges have unclear boundaries, and many don’t know where they begin and others end.
While Amorphic Projectors may take advantage of others, Amorphic Sponges may allow people to take advantage of them.
Not knowing how to respect (or recognize) another person’s boundaries, both types of Amorphics often infringe their needs upon others, and this means that they may regularly expect help, support, money, etc…, and, in fact, they may chronically borrow money and default on promises of repayment.
Furthermore, if the Amorphic Sponge is emotionally needy or constantly seeking approval, others may experience his or her “energy” as an infringement in their space.
Since many Amorphics don’t respect privacy, they’re often found eaves-dropping or breaking into private emails. By getting into other people’s business, they frequently interfere where they don’t belong, and depending upon their intention, this can manifest as anything from unsolicited advice to downright manipulation. And, while the lines are blurred, this type of behavior can easily escalate into stalking.
Moreover, when Amorphics don’t respect physical space, it’s common for them to stand too close to other people or demonstrate inappropriate touching. On the other hand, it’s also common for Amorphic Projectors to hide behind a big wall, and by projecting “defensive energy,” keep everyone at a distance.
Additionally, with or without physical touching, some Amorphics use sexual energy as a form of manipulation, and in extreme cases, this can result in sexual harassment or assault.
By “manipulating” the boundaries of an intimate relationship, and justifying infidelity, Amorphics are more likely to cheat on their partners.
Role dysphoria is also common among Amorphics, and when this is the case, they may inappropriately take on the role of a parent or child.
The good news is that, in most cases, Amorphia has a cure!
If you’re in a relationship with an Amorphic, it’s safe to say that you’re in an Amorphic Relationship. However, once you understand the underlying dynamics, it’s possible to heal the relationship.
As the friends, partners and relatives of Amorphics, we often unknowingly perpetuate certain dynamics with our own behavior, and, therefore, by identifying and changing certain behaviors in ourselves, we have the power to heal our Amorphic Relationships.
So, if you’re the partner, friend or relative of an Amorphic, here’s what you need to do:
First, identify Amorphic patterns by pinpointing the ways in which Amorphia is showing up in your relationship.
Second, identify the hidden costs: energy draining, disruptive, frequent arguments, chaos, lack of intimacy, etc…
Third, identify your role in the Amorphic Relationship by answering the following questions:
If you answered yes to any of the above, you’ve spotlighted, at least, some of the ways in which you might be perpetuating an Amorphic Relationship.
Fourth, if you want to change an Amorphic’s behavior and heal an Amorphic Relationship, you must first change complementary behaviors in yourself!
Furthermore, if you’re in a relationship with an Amorphic, set and enforce clear boundaries. Since you can’t assume that someone will know exactly what you mean, always spell it out!
When one of your boundaries is crossed, make sure to respond immediately. If you wait to talk about it, your Amorphic partner, friend of relative might deny that it ever happened or reinterpret the event. Therefore, immediately pinpoint the Amorphic behavior and clearly state the boundary that’s been crossed — be clear and decisive without getting into a debate.
Remember, if you want others to respect your boundaries, you must also respect theirs.
Last but not least, cultivate the ability to say “no” and always be “at choice” for all you do and don’t do.
No doubt, it can take time to transform an Amorphic Relationship, and some relationships may need to end, but with love and patience, many relationships can endure — and even thrive.
With grace & gratitude,
Boundaries are important in our lives in order to have healthy relationships and careers.
Unfortunately, many of us struggle with setting healthy boundaries in our emotional and professional lives maybe in fear of being misunderstood or seen as selfish. As we struggle with setting these boundaries and making promises to ourselves, we watch others walk over us, take advantage of us or mistreat us. Some of us feel more guilt, some of us feel weak. Whatever the reason may be behind our failure of setting personal boundaries, we need to remind ourselves that if we do not have them, we will always have a hard time communicating with others.
So how do we handle this? There are easy steps to do it and we will talk about them now here.
When we find ourselves face to face with difficult situations or with difficult people, it is important for us to know where we stand. It is also important to know what we want and what we expect for ourselves and from others. Knowing where we stand and our goals will help us better identify our limits.
When we trust our intuition, we can read between the lines, we can see things much sooner than others from a different perspective. Our intuition usually gives us early warning signs when something does not feel right or someone has negative energy. If you feel like something does not look or feel right trust your gut feeling. When you sense it, observe it carefully and identify the cause of the problem. This also helps for good opportunities since everything is not bad or negative. When you feel like something is right, eliminate your fears and concerns and be more positive and brave about taking the next step.
We spend too much time living in the past or future. We let our worries, our resentments and fears overpower us sometimes, forgetting about what we have now and enjoying this very moment. Sometimes we let guilt and anger take over. We let negativity blind us and scare us. Think about how many opportunities you have missed. Maybe with a certain someone for a good relationship, because we were stuck in the past, trying to overcome the troubles of a prior relationship. Sometimes we miss a good opportunity at work because we are not ready to take the necessary steps. Sometimes we lack focus. One way to stop this is to practice mindfulness meditation. It keeps us grounded and it teaches us to live in the present moment. It enhances our focus and helps us organize our thoughts.
If you do not let others know about your boundaries, they will never have a clue. Communication is the key. When you know exactly what you want and how you want it, do not hesitate to let others know your limits. When people understand where you are coming from, they will be able to communicate with you their limits as well. With the help of communication, you can easily find a common ground.
Every time you feel like you are having a hard time maintaining your boundaries, write it down. Analyze why you are having a hard time. What have you missed when you found yourself face to face with a certain person or a certain situation? Were you weak? Were you worried? Were you afraid of being misunderstood or selfish? Write everything down and think and rethink about what you could do instead. Can you go back and fix the situation? Or what can you do differently next time to not find yourself in the same place? Writing these things will help you have better focus and courage next time you encounter similar situations.
Having boundaries does not make you a selfish person or a bad person. Remind yourself that it is perfectly fine and healthy to set boundaries and maintain them. Others have them. Think of how you see others with good strength when it comes to maintaining their own boundaries. Do you think of them as selfish or do you believe they are rigid? Of course there are people who are rigid and they have unreasonable demands but you are not one of them. Allow yourself to feel better about yourself for knowing your limits.
If you think that your boundaries are reasonable and necessary but others’ are not as important as yours, you are not being realistic. It is only fair to show respect reciprocally as others are as important as you. Remember that respect goes both ways. If you lack showing respect to others then do not expect them to respect you either. However, recognize the difference between healthy boundaries and rigid boundaries. Rigid boundaries are selfish and they mostly come from people who tend to control others. When you identify them, you will also stop others from controlling you.
Change does not come overnight. It takes time. Just like we need to exercise regularly to build muscles, you need to practice your boundaries on a regular basis. It is something new that we learn. Change is not easy. After all we are trying to reverse years worth of bad habits and we need to be patient and understanding with ourselves. We need to also show the same amount of understanding towards others as they may also be struggling to maintain their own boundaries and they also will need time to build strength.
When we achieve something and we notice we made progress, the best way to celebrate it is to reward ourselves. It could be a little gift we buy for ourselves, a treat like a favorite dessert or drink. Why not? You have tried and it worked. It is a good feeling. Likewise, you can also reward others when you notice they are on the right path. Encouragement always helps us and sharing it with others only makes it bigger and better.