ALETHEIA LUNA: “Being Spiritual Doesn’t Mean Sh*t If You Can’t Hold Space for Others”

“If we ever hope to grow at a deep level and feel authentically connected to others, we need to learn how to hold space for both ourselves and others.”

~Aletheia Luna

 

So, here’s the thing. We might do Instagram-perfect yoga. We might meditate for at least an hour a day. We might pray. Say mantras. Do mudras. Send love to the world. We might have a hoard of crystals and other spiritual trinkets. We might do elaborate daily rituals, eat a cruelty-free whole food diet, and fast every month. We might burn incense, smile all day, say affirmations, and say “love and light” or “namaste” a lot. We might call ourselves spiritual seekers, healers, empaths, intuitives, old souls, or yogis.

But in my humble opinion, all of this doesn’t mean sh*t if we can’t show compassion and be there for others.

The Hypocrisy of Saccharine Spirituality

Firstly, I want to start by saying that I am by no means innocent. I have judged others before, turned a blind eye, shown unkindness, and committed spiritual bypassing — all while under the self-designated label of being “spiritual.”

I think to some extent, we all have. That is why I feel that the topic of this article is so important to cover — hypocrisy is something that we’re all capable of. The tendency is latent within each and every one of us. And I think we all need to understand and work to be aware of that.

But there are some things in life that tend to trigger, bring out, and exacerbate this hypocrisy. In this case, I am referring to a certain popular variety of spirituality. I call it Saccharine Spirituality — and it is a type of spirituality that is defined by a sickly sweet emphasis on “good vibes only” and “love and light” without much depth or real-life rawness.

Saccharine spirituality is the type of spirituality out there that involves worshiping the “feel-good” and “high vibe,” but actively avoids, denies, or shuns anything negative and uncomfortable. Saccharine spirituality is all about feeling empowered, developing self-love, and celebrating forms of spirituality that look good on the surface — but at the same time, it produces a phobia of anything too real, too emotionally challenging, too blood-and-dirt, too “unawakened” or “low vibe.”

And it doesn’t take much to see that saccharine spirituality is alive and thriving more than ever. We can literally see it everywhere: on social media, in real life, and in all spiritual and religious spheres.

I first witnessed saccharine spirituality growing up in the Christian church I was raised in. I remember how the church abandoned, passively shunned, and ignored one of the women who had been attending the church for 20+ years. This woman’s husband had been prosecuted for child molestation and was going to prison. I was the only one who spoke to this gentle soul, despite the fact that we were all supposed to be “brothers and sisters in Christ.”

I now witness this type of abandonment and hypocrisy in the spiritual realm.

I hear and witness self-described sensitive “empaths” show an extraordinary lack of empathy and self-entitled judgment towards others.

I watch “old souls” tear each other apart like animals.

I see spiritual seekers ostracize and react harshly to any person who thinks critically.

I look on as “healers” rush to fix, ignore, predict, or diagnose the suffering of others.

I watch as “psychics/mystics/witches/yogis” (*insert spiritual label here*) love talking and posting about themselves, but ignore meeting others on a deep level.

I’m sorry. I don’t care if you’re a talented healer or psychic. I’m not interested in whether you’re a self-identified empath or spiritual seeker. I don’t want to hear about how much mystical power or intuitive prowess you have. Being spiritual doesn’t mean sh*t if you can’t hold space for people.

What Does Holding Space Mean?

Holding space is very simple. It means being completely present with another person. Holding space means giving another the opportunity to be completely heard, seen, and understood. I’m not talking about trying to fix, give advice to, or pathologize the other person — when I say holding space, I mean it in the most simple way possible: just being 100% there for the person, without trying to change or force advice onto them.

To witness another person and be completely receptive to what they have to share is scarcely practiced. How often have you felt deeply heard, seen, and understood by another? How often has someone sat down with you and genuinely asked: “Hey, share with me how you feel” and held space for all your joy or sorrow? If you’re like most people: pretty rarely.

It’s no wonder that most of us are so emotionally starved. It’s no wonder that most of us are so desperate to be seen.

In a world full of stress, incessant business, emotional isolation, and self-absorption, holding space for someone is the most precious gift you can give. That is why I say that being spiritual doesn’t mean shit without this one important practice. Who cares if you possess extrasensory gifts or can meditate for six hours straight? Who cares if you have deep self-knowledge or can enter alternate planes of consciousness at will?

If you can’t bring those skills into your life in a down-to-earth way, they mean nothing.

If you can’t practically apply them in the blood-and-grit of daily life, they mean nothing.

If you can’t connect or show kindness to others, they mean nothing.

If you can’t sit down with a person and ask “Hi. How are you really?” and actually listen wholeheartedly, don’t even bother.

In the end, if your brand of spirituality encourages self-absorption and a superficial feel-good denial of other’s pain, it’s a waste of time.

“Your pain, your sorrow, your doubts, your longings, your fearful thoughts: they are not mistakes, and they are not asking to be ‘healed.’ They are asking to be held.” ~Jeff Foster

 

How to Hold Space for People

Holding space is about giving space.

Too often we jump to the part where we want to fix, instruct, or heal the person — or even worse, hog the conversation, talk about ourselves, and “one-up” the other person’s pain. But the truth is, most people (including ourselves) are just looking for a person who will sit with them in all of their joy or misery, and BE.

Mindful presence is the core of what holding space means. In other words, holding space means that we simply sit with a person and give them our undivided attention in the spirit of kindness.

“Undivided attention!?” you may think, “I don’t have the energy to do that!” Don’t worry. I realize that holding space for others isn’t always possible. You’re not alone. If you’re anything like me, your energy reserves are very limited. So it’s unrealistic to expect ourselves to always hold space for others, especially when we are tired, stressed, or sick. In which case, don’t be a martyr. Take care of yourself. Have a break. Step away. Have a nap. Top up your energy reservoir.

But if you’re still struggling to hold space for others, there might be a deeper underlying issue that you need to work through.

For example, do you often feel yourself talking over or interrupting others? Do most of your conversations center around your issues, thoughts, and feelings? Do you feel uncomfortable when others get too emotional? Do you find deep topics of conversation unsettling? These are all signs that you aren’t holding space for yourself. In such a case… how can you hold space for others when you aren’t holding space for yourself?

If we ever hope to grow at a deep level and feel authentically connected to others, we need to learn how to hold space for both ourselves and others.

Here’s how to do that.

Holding space for ourselves and others:

1. Mindfully tune into yourself

How can you become receptive and open to others without doing the same for yourself? Tuning into your thoughts and feelings is a practice called mindfulness. It requires you to become curious about what is going on inside of you. And to do that, you’ll need to slow down and breathe a little. Ask yourself, “How am I feeling at the moment?” “What type of thoughts/stories are running through my head?” Also be attentive to your body and notice whatever sensation, ache, or pain you feel. Simply note how you feel and move on with your day. If you need help doing this, I highly recommend that you use an app I use called ‘Calm’ — it will motivate you to develop mindfulness as a skill.

2. Be transparent with yourself

Express how you feel in an authentic way. Allow yourself to be seen by yourself. To do this, find a notebook or journal that you can dedicate to your thoughts and feelings. Journaling every day about what is worrying or concerning you will create more clarity in your life. Not only that but when you make this therapeutic tool a habit, you will feel more emotionally balanced and capable of truly holding space for others.

3. Release pent-up emotions

Don’t allow your emotions to build up inside of you. Find healthy outlets to express them such as through artwork, intense exercise, catharsis, or simply having a good cry. When we are motivated to “help” others out of the need to relieve our own internal discomfort, we’re not being kind. We’re not being empathetic. We’re just not. Instead, we are using others as a way to feel better about ourselves. Finding a safe form of catharsis will allow you to be calm and centered enough to show compassionate attentiveness to yourself and others.

4. Learn to listen more than talk

Master the art of listening. If you are a person who is used to chattering away, experiment with being quiet and allowing others to talk. How do you feel when you don’t talk so much? You might feel a sense of relief, or alternatively, you might feel unseen or ignored. Journal about these feelings. If you feel uncomfortable with allowing others to speak more than you, ask yourself “why?” In what ways are you depending on others to be seen and understood, rather than yourself? Practicing active listening involves making eye contact, letting others speak uninterrupted, indicating that you understand what the person is saying, and listening without judgment.

5. Let your mind be like water

Listen to other people without forming responses in your mind. How often has someone shared something interesting, and you miss the rest of what they say because you’re too busy constructing a clever/insightful reply? It’s tempting to fill the spaces in conversations with thoughts. After all, our minds think around 800 words per minute, compared to 125-150 words we speak per minute. But experiment with listening wholeheartedly to what a person says. If thoughts come into your mind, gently refocus your mind on what the person is saying. Then, after the person has stopped talking, give yourself a few seconds to gather thoughts, then respond. I promise that your response will be much more engaging and interesting to the other person because you have gathered all the nuances and details (instead of prematurely forming a response).

6. Let compassion guide you

The purpose of holding space for another isn’t to be a saint. It isn’t to be a martyr. It is to be entertained or to get karmic brownie points. To hold space for a person is an act of compassion, an expression of love for another human being. It not only makes you feel good, but it also makes the other person feel seen, heard, and understood. What could be more precious than that?

7. Practice with a friend or family member

An easy way to practice holding space is to schedule time every week with someone close to you, and to exchange mindful presence with each other. Notice how it feels to be completely received by another person. Imagine giving that to others on a regular basis!

8. Know your limits and take self-responsibility

Are you tired, cranky, overwhelmed, or otherwise incapable of holding space for another? Relax. It’s normal and 100% fine to feel that way. But make sure that you take responsibility for how you feel.

Final Thoughts

Holding space for others doesn’t mean that you have to be a pushover, doormat, or unnecessarily submissive person. Sometimes you will need to hold space for yourself more than others. Sometimes you will enter long periods of life where you are incapable of being present with others. That is normal. Not all of us can be Eckhart Tolle 24/7. So do the compassionate thing and draw a line. Learn to say a gentle no to others and be OK with it. If someone is becoming overly clingy or needy, be assertive, draw clear boundaries, and step away in a firm but caring manner. It is OK to be selective about who you hold space for, particularly if you dislike the person and struggle to stay present with them. (Hey, we’re all human!)

You might also be short on time, but still wish to hold space for another. In this case, explain to the other that you only have a couple of minutes to spare, or set another date and time to catch up.

Remember, holding space needs to come out of a place of compassion and the desire to help others be seen, heard, and understood. If you are doing it out of obligation, pressure, or duty, take a step back. Change course. Do something else.

The most important ingredient for holding space for another is the ability to hold space for yourself. By genuinely taking the time to wholeheartedly listen to your inner thoughts and feelings, you will be better equipped to show the same to others.

Spirituality is not just about learning to love ourselves. It is also about learning to extend that love and care to others in a down-to-earth way. One of the best and easiest ways to do that is by simply listening to others. You don’t need to always give them pep talks. You don’t need to always rush to prescribe a solution to their problems. Often, what people need the most is just a person who is receptive enough to simply listen without judgment.

To be completely seen, heard, and understood in the presence of another living soul is one of the most healing forces in the world. I hope you take the time to share this gift with others.

 

~via LonerWolf.com

KARA SCHALLOCK: “More…”

Do you perceive Beauty everywhere?  Do you see it even when the intellect says it’s ugly?  Do you perceive a difference between you and those you judge to be “less than” like so-called immigrants, those you judge that linger in 3D (according to you), folks who hurt others?  Or do you perceive a difference between you and those you deem “more than?”  Remember, we are all One.  You are connected with everyone and everything.  There is no “us and them” in the New.  You may observe some doing things you wouldn’t choose to do.  Can you see that perhaps the “others” help you transform all lower energies (and integrate higher energies) in yourself?  Can you see the Love within all that reflects the Love that you are?  If so, you indeed are firmly in the New.  If not, perhaps there’s more work to do.  You can love all and yet choose not to be in relationship with those who vibrate differently than yourself.

There is and has been an expansion of your Heart and Crown chakras.  This expansion helps you be more accepting and compassionate.  Be aware of how you feel moment to moment.  One minute you seem to be flowing in expansion and the next minute not feeling as though anything has shifted.  This fluctuation is how it is for most as we continue to detach from 3D and embrace the New.  Some physical manifestations you may experience as expansion occurs are tingling (especially in or on the head and in and around the Heart).

You may feel dizzy as well, yet notice the choices you are making; notice how you are expanding; especially in your thoughts and actions.  Notice how fearless you are.  Be aware too that if it seems things happen to you, like others not choosing to be around you or being fired from a job or not having enough money, that it still is your choice… whether it’s a conscious one or not. Remember you attract to you what is within your consciousness.  Breathe, flow and ground.  Take care of yourself.  What life do you choose to create?  The energies that integrate within you help you create your ideal life (based on how you want to feel) without chaos or confusion.

As the energy continuously builds, remind yourself that you are not alone, even though many are on different paths and going at different speeds.  Some may feel exhilerated, while others are anxious and angry.  I notice that the ones I truly feel connected with are children, while some adults in my life seem belligerent. (Hmmm; do I have both energies within me?)

Engage where and when you can as you are called to and let the rest go, for each being must choose for themselves.  You need not become definsive or match others’ vibration or take anything personally.  Stand in your own Truth and honor others for wherever they may be.

Never doubt that all we’ve been doing is merging with our Soul/GodSelf/Divinity.  This is our True Self.  Being fully immersed as our True Self, there is no more seeking outside of ourselves; actually, there is no seeking at all; there is only a Knowing.  This immersion is more than being “spiritual”; this is true being. How do we do this?  First, we must release and transform all old patterns, emotions and beliefs, along with anything that limits or holds us back in duality.  When we clear all of the old, we experience true self-worth.  We experience true Wholeness; not just in one moment, but in every moment; this is being authentic.  We truly know that we are One with all of life; we are Source.

Generally speaking, the phase we are in now, if you’re ready and committed, is to practice; putting all you know into action everyday and in every moment… walking your talk.  It is not enough to read others’ words only; it is essential to put words into action, to be what you say you are.  Work for all; be in Divine Service.  When we serve all, we serve ourselves and most importantly, we serve Divine Will.  Isn’t that one of the main reasons of why we’re on Earth at this time?  We each have a path; a mission; it is based on our gifts and where we are drawn.  When you are Joy, you trust, you love, you serve.  You are free.

Meanwhile, continue to release and trust your process.  Allow yourself to not be comfortable, for the New is not comfortable.  Trust that all is in Divine Order.  You may want your loved ones to join you, yet trust they have their own path, so honor them.  Attempting to change others is of the old and it not only distracts you, but pushes them further away.

Trust that as you become somewhat comfortable in one phase of your Journey, another arrives.  It is so very important to take care of yourself through diet, rest and being still.  Only you know what is self-loving for you.  Fill your own cup first and then you will be able to serve others unconditionally.

In my own life, I see so much has shifted. People I was once close with have distanced themselves.  My diet has shifted, as have so much in my life.  The biggest shift is that I am extremely aware of not only where I resist, but where others resist as well.  I notice old longings surface and I see where I am; whether it’s here, there, nowhere and everywhere.  I know many of you can relate to this ebb and flow of life.

Each of us has a calling.  No one calling is better or worse than another.  Each is an aspect of Divine Service; be it healing, collecting refuse, nursing, teaching or simply being Love without a career of any kind.  Sometimes you’re called to be somewhere.  When you arrive, you may not resonate with the place at all.  However, there are no mistakes.  Some years ago, I was called to Idaho.  I had never even heard of it before and when I arrived I uttered, “Uh-oh!”  Idaho has never felt like home to me and yet I am here; I’m here for a purpose.  It’s not necessary to know what that purpose is and you don’t need to know the whys of where you are either.  The main thing to do is to say Yes.  We share our Light no matter where we are or what we do.

Each of us is unique; what works for one may not work for another.  This is why it’s essential to follow one’s own guidance.  We integrate Light and release all uniquely.  Realize too that much occurs without us consciously willing it to be so.  We can observe the changes and I do love this, as when the changes bypass the separate ego, they cannot be interfered with.  However, we on a deeper level choose everything; consciously or not.  When we give our Power away to others, we stop our own Transformation, for others cannot truly know what is best for us.  This allows us to take full Responsbility for our own Transformation.  What helps this is to fully merge with our Souls and then step out of the way.  Instead, we follow our guidance, even when it makes no sense.  While we surrender to the unconscious aspect of evolution, we still must act in a way that goes beyond the separate ego; the patterns we have anchored that are of the old.

To integrate the higher frequencies that bring healing and wholing to our cells and DNA, we must do the clearing work.  Some happens spontanously; with others we consciously choose to shift.  Whether we integrate unconsciously or consciously, we may experience many physical sensations such as electrical currents in different parts of our body, weight fluxes, sleep disturbances, headaches, blurry eyes (or as if there is something irritating in the eye), shifts in elimination and all sorts of things not mentioned here.  When in doubt, ask your body and your guidance to see if it’s related to Ascension or not (it usually is!).

Be aware that your Sensitivity is expanding and upgrading.  This includes more acute hearing, seeing, feeling, smelling and more.  Certain situations may be irritating.  If you feel overloaded by stimuli, rest or step away.  If you take things personally, realize this is not true Sensitivity; it’s separate ego-sensitivity.  It also means that you may still be attached to what others think of you.  Let this go so you may experience true Sensitivity.

Are you ready to move onto new phases of Discovery?  Are you committed to your Ascension and evolving into being New; brand New?  Are you still teetering on the edge, not sure if you want to jump?  Wherever you are is fine.  Trust yourself and follow your guidance/Intuition.

 

 

~via SoulsticeRising.com

STEPHANIE LUCAS: “On the Path to Enlightenment: A Spiritual Journey to Happiness”

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Did you ever want to be an astronaut when you were growing up? I certainly did, and while it may appear that I am a mere storyteller, researcher, and writer for purveyors of living clay and healing crystals and stones — I AM AN ASTRONAUT — of sorts, anyway. My spirit feels free to travel within the cosmos every single day…without boarding a space shuttle or having multiple science degrees, exploring the Universe is possible for many through deep states of meditation and particularly those that take me down the path of enlightenment.

 

“There are particular types of seeds that remain dormant until they are broken open by a forest fire. Likewise, there is a seed within you that opens by the fire of your readiness to transform. Challenges are the great awakeners, and we welcome them we ignite inner fire of transformation and invite a greater vision for our life to emerge from within us.”

~The Lift Off Life, Michael Bernard Beckwith

Why am I So Darned Happy Most of the Time??

Seems this is a very common question/comment in my world these days. Don’t get me wrong… I certainly have not always been a little beaming ray of love and light, and I still have moments of drama filled confusions… and without a doubt, I was about as far off the path to enlightenment as the Universe would let me get – at least while allowing this physical body remain in this realm.

Prior to finding the path to enlightenment, no sense of presence or sense of self existed here — there was no Stephanie — that essence was simply a low-vibrational spirit/energy housed in a human shell. Trolling through life day after day, smiling when appropriate, being responsible, merely doing and thinking as I was told and taught — but never truly knowing the joy and happiness that accompanies the unconditional acceptance and love for myself, others and the awareness of the Higher Self.

While everyone’s journey will have exciting twists, forcing them to scamper about, questioning everything they thought they knew… here’s how the path to enlightenment and higher states of consciousness came about for this very reluctant-to-believe lady.

The Great Epiphany Before the Mind Quiets

The first epiphany in my journey was the startling insight that I had been merely swapping realities at my convenience… and wearing two masks. The kind you change like a chameleon at will or even sheer necessity. This clarity of this was profound, yet the realization simultaneously existed that I must have already KNOWN this was a part of my journey — 20 years ago — as the Comedy Tragedy Masks are so proudly applied to my as-ankle .as the Comedy Tragedy tattoo was being permanently penned onto my ankle 20 years ago…

The reality I was living in then (and had been forever in this realm) never felt right or like the truth. Politics, religion, education — everything that I had been taught or had ever placed a judgment on had always played a role in defining which mask I wore daily — or even minute by minute. By acknowledging that I was simply playing a recurring role on a set of actors continually running lines, sets me free of false illusions, forced me to quiet my mind in preparation for discovering actual truths. In other words, I understood that at that point I had to forget everything I ever knew — or believed to be true.

Whatever your magic and/are moments are, they’re likely to reveal some type of mind-bending, life-altering realization — universal truths that you haven’t seen (or haven’t been willing to) until that exact moment in time. You’re apt to have many small epiphanies before having the Big One, which is the state of enlightenment after the entire paradigm has burst… that moment when you wholly understand the very nature of the world.

The Quiet Mind is Kind, Compassionate, Humble, and Ego-Free

The peace and sense of tranquility that accompanies these epiphanies quiets the mind as you accept these truths, and begin to see yourself and the world beyond mere words or labels that have been placed upon ‘things and actions’ by external sources. The quiet mind begins peeling back these illusions and false concepts of right, wrong, good, bad, etc. while uncovering some deep down universal truths.

Many individuals unwillingly and unknowingly overestimate their self-importance, falsely believing that they somehow cause or solutions to problems in their life or in the world. Well, when you understand that everything in the universe is energy, you can then understand that the world is created of and orchestrated by frequencies that go beyond mere words and actions that belong to any one being. You can then see that you as ONE alone are not an essential component of either ‘problems’ nor responsible for ‘finding solutions;’ rather, you are likely to discover that those desire when manifested on a collective lever are all encompassing towards those intentions.

This is where the magic begins! With the hypnotic effect of false beliefs out of the picture, one can begin see an entirely different world — one that is orchestrated by a conscious intelligence far beyond words. With these insights, the transgression into seeing beyond the self naturally flows. The whole point of dropping these initial opinions is to allow you LOSE YOURSELF and the EGO… and you truly love and embrace the Unity of All Things. However, most at this state are now free to move about the cosmos more readily and begin embracing your powers of manifesting your own reality.

Losing Your Ego and Waking Up to a ‘Loving Reality’ is Beautiful

With no more dominating judgments, expectations, and sense of self-importance, many feel an immediate sense of happiness, lightness, and freedom. Love in all things is readily apparent, you are naturally happy, and you see the equality if all — the all one or none of beings and mother nature working and vibrating in harmony. Your world of duality may come to an end as the conscious and subconscious work in concert and that becomes your normal state naturally.

It takes many young souls such as myself a while to get here, while some truly enlightened spirits seem to master ascension and oneness with the Higher Self with less time and effort. However, you should always accept where you are on your journey — leaving beyond the distorted concepts of what ‘progression’ is in the old ‘logical, knowns’ that you released and know that you are well on your way.

Remember, No Judgments, No Labels, No Expectations — It is What it Is

Certainly, my path has many more levels to go, so I can only attest to my success, my path to enlightenment so far is wondrous, my experience… however, with a few excellent guides, higher vibrations, and solid intentions, the path I’m on has taken me a great distance.

Have you had similar experiences or a totally unique path to enlightenment? Where are you on your journey, what got you started, and how did you/or do you know where you really are today? Share your journey with us!

 

 

 

 

©Universal Copyright 2014 is authorized here. Please distribute freely as long as both the author Stephanie Lucas and www.QuantumStones.com are included as the resource and this information is distributed on a non-commercial no charge basis.

 

About Stephanie Lucas

Stephanie resonates with the vibrations of stones and crystals and imbibes in ‘playing’ with them and eating healing clay daily. When she’s not writing, reading or terrorizing Facebook, you might find her dancing with hippies in a drum circle or meandering through the forest with a wand looking for fairies, nymphs and unicorns to collaborate with.

 

MATEO SOL: “Authenticity: Finding Your Soul Within the Dreams of Reality”

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“Be yourself.”

This is the sage old advice your Mother and friends have given you countless times. But why is it so hard to apply to your life? Why is it so hard to “be yourself”?

Perhaps it’s because you don’t know who you really are.

As a teacher of soulwork the first obstacle I see fellow travelers come across trying to find their path in life, is the realization that they don’t know who they are.

They fail to listen to their inner souls, and instead create mental ideas (dreams) of what they should be like and begin to doubt themselves whether they are living up to them.   Afterwards they seek comforting validation by asking me questions like: “Is this what Spiritual People do?”,  “If I can’t do ____ does that mean I’m not an Introvert?”, and “Do all Old Souls like ___ and _____ ?”

In this article I want to explore our lost authenticity and how we can learn to find our genuine selves by learning to love ourselves.

A Child’s Authenticity

Watching children play and hearing their genuine laughter is one of the greatest beauties in life.

We were all born as children filled with life, a sense of wonder, and the desires to explore or create and live in the moment.  Children have no past baggage or future anxieties so they express what they feel and aren’t afraid to love unconditionally.

After the age of 3, however, children start to become more tamed.  This happens to all of us.  Something changes within us and we begin to lose that wonder, that innocence of childhood.  Our thoughts become more dominant putting our authentic feelings in the background.  Slowly we begin to focus more on these thoughts, and in doing so, we begin to accumulate past baggage and future anxieties.

The Birth of Dreams

This process of losing your authenticity and replacing it with thoughts in the form of fears, shameful memories, rules, social values and beliefs is known as domestication.

Our domestication can turn into a disease if our parents do not have the awareness and wisdom of what they are passing on.  Just like pets, we are domesticated with an emotional reward or punishment system.  If our behavior is desirable we are rewarded with attention and affection.  If our behavior is not acceptable we are punished by the rejection of our parents or peers.

As children we didn’t care about people’s opinions or judgments, we lived in the present and our self-worth came from our authenticity.  Now, however, our thoughts are more predominant.  With thoughts come fears, and suddenly our need to be accepted grows.  Our self-worth is now put into the hands of other people and their opinions of us.

This new self-worth system forces us to change.  It forces us to create a false image of ourselves, a dream.  Slowly we begin to notice that different people expect different things from us; our parents, our teachers, our friends, our priests, our bosses, our siblings, our lovers, and so we are split up into dozens of different versions of ourselvesWe become so good at living up to these different images of ourselves that we forget who we really are.

When your self-worth comes from your false image instead of your authenticity you constantly feel off-center, anxious and incomplete.  Deep down your unconscious knows this image of yourself isn’t true, deep down you know that you’re pretending.  The danger is for example, that if your false image is that of being a “smart and witty person”, you are prone to having your self-worth shattered publicly if someone outsmarts you.  This is when we learn to hate ourselves.

With a shaky sense of self-worth comes insecurity problems.  Insecurities are formed when you expect to externally live up to an image you envision for yourself, but deep down you know the internal image of yourself is different.  The greater the discrepancy between these two images, the more insecure you will feel.

This false image is what in psychological terms is known as your “ego“.  It is responsible for that need to always be “right”.  We need to feel right and prove that others are wrong because we want to protect this false image we project to the outside world, to feel reassured that we aren’t lying to ourselves.

This need to be “right” is what gives birth to that constant struggle for perfection, and the approval of others.  We suffer so much and try so hard to be important, successful, rich, famous, powerful, and we do this by forcing our dream, our false illusion, to be real and more valid than other people’s dreams.

This suffering we undergo in order to be perfect is essentially to please other people.  It is a lie we fool ourselves into believing that we should be a certain way in order to acknowledge that we are good, in order to accept ourselves.  I have previously explained that perfection doesn’t exist.  You are never going to be good enough, healthy enough, smart enough or pretty enough because you are chasing an ideal that is a false illusion, a dream.

Wake Up to Your Authentic Self

Can you imagine the chaos that trying to find love and approval outside of ourselves creates in the world?  You don’t have to, just look around you.

We search for love outside, but love is already around us and within us everywhere.  We are so afraid to love and accept because we are so afraid of getting rejected.  But until we learn to love ourselves, we will never be able to truly love anybody else.

How do we stop rejecting ourselves?  How do we stop being self-destructive?  We have to stop pretending to be something we are not and find our authenticity again.

These are some practical suggestions that I have experienced myself, and witnessed, to work quite well:

1.  Truth

To find your authenticity again you are going to need one key ingredient: truthfulness.  Being truthful with yourself will teach you how to trust in yourself.

The desire to be honest with yourself with help you reveal what is real in yourself and what is a lie that you have either inherited from your domestication (beliefs, values, ambitions), or unconsciously created as a defense mechanism to protect your false image’s self-worth.  “Do spiritual people do this?  Do introverts do that?”   This is your mind finding a label to try to live up to with a false image.  Never aspire to live up to a label, labels are symbols to guide your attention to further exploration.

2.  Forgiveness

You can be your own worst enemy.  One of the first steps in finding your authentic self is to stop judging yourself, and whether or not you’re living up to the false “perfection” standards and expectations you have set for yourself.  The easiest way to overcome self-judgement is to learn how to forgive yourself.

Say for example you eat a pizza and feel guilty afterwards because your false image feels “fat”.  Afterwards your mind will go around in circles repeating to yourself how fat you are, making you anxious and creating the urge to soothe yourself with more food.  It becomes a vicious circle.  Your body has needs and once they’re satisfied it becomes quiet.  But your mind is not as simple; it unconsciously gives you its own needs for emotional comfort.  Your conscious attention locks itself in a repetitive loop (self-judging thoughts) and doesn’t let go.  Learning to forgive yourself allows you to take away the conscious attention from your mind and become more in-tune with your body and emotional needs.

3.  Self-Love

Loving yourself is not selfish, in fact, it’s the only way we can bring about any positive change.  We can never be happy unless we learn to love ourselves unconditionally.

To love yourself is to respect yourself, to treat your body like a temple (e.g. eating a healthy diet, cleanliness and exercise), as well as respecting your emotional and psychological health by avoiding the accumulation of emotional poison (e.g. grudges, hate, impatience).

4.  Aloneness

I can never stress this enough: make time for solitude.  It is in solitude that we create the space for authenticity.  It is in solitude that we become aware of our domestication, realizing what we are truly like in our own company when we aren’t putting on a false image for other people.

***

Authenticity will teach you to see the world as it is, not as you believe it to be.  You are the manifestation of Kawsay Pacha (the word we use for “living energy“) within a body, coming through your soul.  As you become more authentic you’ll begin to understand this; not with logic and your social personality, but by feeling it at the root of core, your very essence.

How do you connect to your authenticity?

 

 

 

 

~via lonerwolf.com