DR. TRAVIS BRADBERRY: “10 Toxic People You Should Avoid At All Costs”

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Toxic people defy logic. Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact that they have on those around them, and others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos and pushing other people’s buttons.

As important as it is to learn how to deal with different kinds of people, truly toxic people will never be worth your time and energy—and they take a lot of each. Toxic people create unnecessary complexity, strife, and, worst of all, stress.

“People inspire you, or they drain you—pick them wisely.”

Hans F. Hanse

Recent research from Friedrich Schiller University in Germany shows just how serious toxic people are. They found that exposure to stimuli that cause strong negative emotions—the same kind of exposure you get when dealing with toxic people—caused subjects’ brains to have a massive stress response. Whether it’s negativity, cruelty, the victim syndrome, or just plain craziness, toxic people drive your brain into a stressed-out state that should be avoided at all costs.

Studies have long shown that stress can have a lasting, negative impact on the brain. Exposure to even a few days of stress compromises the effectiveness of neurons in the hippocampus, an important brain area responsible for reasoning and memory. Weeks of stress cause reversible damage to brain cells, and months of stress can permanently destroy them. Toxic people don’t just make you miserable—they’re really hard on your brain.

The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we’ve found that 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control. One of their greatest gifts is the ability to identify toxic people and keep them at bay.

It’s often said that you’re the product of the five people you spend the most time with. If you allow even one of those five people to be toxic, you’ll soon find out how capable he or she is of holding you back.

You can’t hope to distance yourself from toxic people until you first know who they are. The trick is to separate those who are annoying or simply difficult from those who are truly toxic. What follows are ten types of toxic drainers that you should stay away from at all costs so that you don’t become one yourself.

1. The Gossip

“Great minds discuss ideas, average ones discuss events, and small minds discuss people.”

–Eleanor Roosevelt

Gossipers derive pleasure from other people’s misfortunes. It might be fun to peer into somebody else’s personal or professional faux pas at first, but over time, it gets tiring, makes you feel gross, and hurts other people. There are too many positives out there and too much to learn from interesting people to waste your time talking about the misfortune of others.

2. The Temperamental

Some people have absolutely no control over their emotions. They will lash out at you and project their feelings onto you, all the while thinking that you’re the one causing their malaise. Temperamental people are tough to dump from your life because their lack of control over their emotions makes you feel bad for them. When push comes to shove though, temperamental people will use you as their emotional toilet and should be avoided at all costs.

3. The Victim

Victims are tough to identify because you initially empathize with their problems. But as time passes, you begin to realize that their “time of need” is all the time. Victims actively push away any personal responsibility by making every speed bump they encounter into an uncrossable mountain. They don’t see tough times as opportunities to learn and grow from; instead, they see them as an out. There’s an old saying: “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.” It perfectly captures the toxicity of the victim, who chooses to suffer every time.

4. The Self-Absorbed

Self-absorbed people bring you down through the impassionate distance they maintain from other people. You can usually tell when you’re hanging around self-absorbed people because you start to feel completely alone. This happens because as far as they’re concerned, there’s no point in having a real connection between them and anyone else. You’re merely a tool used to build their self-esteem.

5. The Envious

To envious people, the grass is always greener somewhere else. Even when something great happens to envious people, they don’t derive any satisfaction from it. This is because they measure their fortune against the world’s when they should be deriving their satisfaction from within. And let’s face it, there’s always someone out there who’s doing better if you look hard enough. Spending too much time around envious people is dangerous because they teach you to trivialize your own accomplishments.

 6. The Manipulator

Manipulators suck time and energy out of your life under the façade of friendship. They can be tricky to deal with because they treat you like a friend. They know what you like, what makes you happy, and what you think is funny, but the difference is that they use this information as part of a hidden agenda. Manipulators always want something from you, and if you look back on your relationships with them, it’s all take, take, take, with little or no giving. They’ll do anything to win you over just so they can work you over.

7. The Dementor

In J. K. Rowling’s “Harry Potter” series, Dementors are evil creatures that suck people’s souls out of their bodies, leaving them merely as shells of humans. Whenever a Dementor enters the room, it goes dark, people get cold, and they begin to recall their worst memories. Rowling said that she developed the concept for Dementors based on highly negative people—the kind of people who have the ability to walk into a room and instantly suck the life out of it.

Dementors suck the life out of the room by imposing their negativity and pessimism upon everyone they encounter. Their viewpoints are always glass half empty, and they can inject fear and concern into even the most benign situations. A Notre Dame University study found that students assigned to roommates who thought negatively were far more likely to develop negative thinking and even depression themselves.

8. The Twisted

There are certain toxic people who have bad intentions, deriving deep satisfaction from the pain and misery of others. They are either out to hurt you, to make you feel bad, or to get something from you; otherwise, they have no interest in you. The only good thing about this type is that you can spot their intentions quickly, which makes it that much faster to get them out of your life.

9. The Judgmental

Judgmental people are quick to tell you exactly what is and isn’t cool. They have a way of taking the thing you’re most passionate about and making you feel terrible about it. Instead of appreciating and learning from people who are different from them, judgmental people look down on others. Judgmental people stifle your desire to be a passionate, expressive person, so you’re best off cutting them out and being yourself.

10. The Arrogant

Arrogant people are a waste of your time because they see everything you do as a personal challenge. Arrogance is false confidence, and it always masks major insecurities. A University of Akron study found that arrogance is correlated with a slew of problems in the workplace. Arrogant people tend to be lower performers, more disagreeable, and have more cognitive problems than the average person.

How to Protect Yourself Once You Spot ’Em

Toxic people drive you crazy because their behavior is so irrational. Make no mistake about it—their behavior truly goes against reason, so why do you allow yourself to respond to them emotionally and get sucked into the mix?

The more irrational and off-base someone is, the easier it should be for you to remove yourself from their traps. Quit trying to beat them at their own game. Distance yourself from them emotionally, and approach your interactions with them like they’re a science project (or you’re their shrink if you prefer that analogy). You don’t need to respond to the emotional chaos—only the facts.

Maintaining an emotional distance requires awareness. You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons if you don’t recognize when it’s happening. Sometimes you’ll find yourself in situations where you’ll need to regroup and choose the best way forward. This is fine, and you shouldn’t be afraid to buy yourself some time to do so.

Most people feel as though because they work or live with someone, they have no way to control the chaos. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Once you’ve identified a toxic person, you’ll begin to find their behavior more predictable and easier to understand. This will equip you to think rationally about when and where you have to put up with them and when and where you don’t. You can establish boundaries, but you’ll have to do so consciously and proactively. If you let things happen naturally, you’re bound to find yourself constantly embroiled in difficult conversations. If you set boundaries and decide when and where you’ll engage a difficult person, you can control much of the chaos. The only trick is to stick to your guns and keep boundaries in place when the person tries to cross them, which they will.

 

 

 

 

 

~via TalentSmart.com

LISA RENEE (Energetic Synthesis): “Gaslighting 101”

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“The magnetic shifts on the planet create an impact on the lower mental body constructs in ways that can deeply unhinge people, who may carry out some very bizarre behaviors. Stay neutral and observe these behaviors with compassion.”   ~Lisa Renee

During annual August alignments of Leo, the planet undergoes what is called its Magnetic Peak cycle which generally transpires during the week of August 8th to August 15th, with August 12th being the pinnacle wave of the magnetic force field transmission. During these peak cycles, if we pay attention to the larger movements occurring in the environment, we may sense an increased feeling of magnetic pressure in the fields. The magnetic pressure places energetic pressure on people, and it will be noticed during this time that many unconscious people will start acting out in more amplified ways their own unhealed issues of pain and negativity. One will find if you have a person in your family that has certain phases of creating emotional dramas and using forms of manipulation, the Magnetic Peak sets them off into their most imbalanced behaviors. It is as if they have been in silent mode and they come out of nowhere to wreak some havoc in the imbalanced pattern they have shown in the past, as if their emotional buttons are getting pushed. In most cases, people that are heavily impacted by the pressure of these planetary forces, are not aware that by exploding into emotional dramas, they are desperately trying to find some kind of release for their own inner anxiety and pressure. As a result of that accumulating emotional debris and mounting inner pressure, they will act out negatively, perhaps attacking or using scathing dialogues, in order to project their emotional issues onto other people. Most people that behave this way are emotional vampires, they receive an emotional payoff for their dramas, because people that take the emotional bait hook are feeding into the dramas they have created, many times with no apparent reason. Suffice to say that the Magnetic Peak can throw unconscious people with little self-awareness, into acting out their most negative behaviors. Generally, this kind of person is an emotional powder keg that you never know when they may explode. They refuse to take any responsibility for their negative behavior, but continue to blame others around them for their misery. Their internal mechanism is attempting to find relief or resolution from their inner conflicts, and that pressure, as well as the energy involved in these outbursts, are deeply felt by those of us who are empathic and sensitive. The magnetic shifts on the planet create an impact on the lower mental body constructs in ways that can deeply unhinge people, who may carry out some very bizarre behaviors. Stay neutral and observe these behaviors with compassion.

Upon further study, one can observe the macrocosm link during the Magnetic Peak cycle to see the activated unhealed patterns and issues related to the Mother principle, surfacing in the masses. This may also surface with unaware family members or other people that are in the near vicinity. This may help to connect the dots to see that there are a lot of Dark Mother reversals playing out in the landscape, and these patterns may show up in your reality in a more personal way. The negative behaviors that revolve around unhealed Dark Mother issues, are specifically around all forms of manipulation that are used to exert some form of control over others. With this in mind, it is a good time to understand more deeply the kinds of complex and advanced manipulation techniques that are used by the Dark Mother principle, which comes in the form of Gaslighting. Males and females that have conflicts or reject their inner female aspect, are more prone to running Dark Mother Reversal patterns in the form of Gaslighting. Gaslighting is used everywhere on this planet, by both males and females, as the socially conditioned mind control that is used to get people on the earth to self-enforce their own enslavement and unhappiness. The old adage, “misery loves company” is very accurate to describe the profile of people that are advanced manipulators.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological-emotional abuse that Controlling types of personalities use to which a victim is manipulated into doubting and discrediting their own memories, perceptions, experiences and sanity. Sociopaths and Narcissists frequently use gaslighting tactics, on individuals or to control larger groups of people to their personal advantage. Gaslighting is also used commonly in the mass media, as a form of controlling the dissemination of information given to the public, such as intended for political control, or to control the perception of the public to be favorable in moving in the direction of supporting specific agendas. It is a mass psychological tool that spins half-truths and deceptions in order to manipulate information and factual data in ways that obfuscate the whole picture. Controllers and tyrants, whether they are personal family members or active in public affairs, want to remain in control and their agenda is more important to them than anyone else’s. Thus, they seek to suppress or remove any information they feel is threatening to their agenda, and stop it from being made public knowledge. These people are duplicitous, and they show different faces to different people, in order to get whatever they want, and usually they couldn’t care less about the cost that will have to other people. When people do not have the whole picture of events, and they are being deceived and manipulated with only limited access to the truth contained in circumstances, it obfuscates their ability to make informed, clear and well thought out decisions. No person can be truly self-determining and make positive choices in their life direction, if they are reliant on people that are lying and deceiving them with false information. This is a critical reason to discern liars and manipulators, and get them out from influencing our life decisions, stop giving them access to our most intimate and vulnerable aspects. All people need to earn our trust by demonstrating trustworthiness. We can unconditionally love people that are deceivers and manipulators, even as some may be biological family members, but we need to become 100% clear that we never allow that person to exert any type of control over us, by setting strong boundaries. It does not matter who they are and what their position in life is, or that they have doctorates and titles, or they are blood relations. If they demonstrate these negative behaviors, if they become abusive when you reveal your true self to them, stay awake and alert, observe everything and be wary of them.

Gaslighting that is used in intimate or family relationships, is often to deny the right of the person to have their own authentic expression, experience and perception of events that has happened to them. The manipulator uses gaslighting to discredit their victim’s experience and perception in their reality, many times with the use of skillful psychological and emotional manipulation that is designed to eradicate the other person’s version of the story or experience. Gaslighters like to tell other people what they are feeling, what they are perceiving, what they should be doing, and criticize and condemn anything else they do not agree with in that persons experience, because it is not favorable to serve their own selfish agendas. Some Gaslighters feel threatened by a person’s emotional expression that they have had intimate control over, so this a popular technique with dominating males that want to have complete possessive control over their wives or partners. When they feel that they are losing control, they feel threatened and lash out with gaslighting tactics. Clearly advanced manipulators such as Gaslighters, have low to no capacity for feeling compassion or empathy for another person’s emotional experiences, (especially if this is in conflict to what they want or their belief systems) as all they care about is furthering their personal agendas or storyline at the expense of their victim.

Example A:

Son: Mom, I want to say we have wonderful news to share. We have moved into our first house, and I am the happiest I have ever been with my wife and our new life together.

Mother: People that are truly happy spread their happiness with their family. You have nothing to do with our family, and you never call me or come to see me. You must not be the happy person you say you are because you treat the rest of the family so badly. What about your brother, he was always there for you and now, you have moved away and are not there for him.

Example B:

Wife: Honey, I experienced something last night in bed that I would like to share with you. I was almost asleep, and I felt something come in the room, and I saw my Grandfather standing in the doorway. He died when I was a child. He came and sat with me and told me a lot of things, and that he was watching over me. It felt so nice to see him, and I hope I can talk with him again.

Husband: Betty, do you really think you saw a dead relative in our bedroom? Ghosts do not exist and all that paranormal stuff is bullsh**. You’ve been watching too many of those ridiculous Ghost hunter episodes. Don’t be telling this story to anyone else, they’ll think you have lost your mind. Now, get your head screwed on straight and pass me the potatoes and salt.

Example C:

Experiencer: When I was 33, I had my first contact with enlightened extraterrestial entities that are not from this world. Because I have experienced this event, and many people still do not believe in the existence of off world beings from other realities, I feel it is my moral obligation to share that experience as honestly as I can to other people that may be interested. I know there is life beyond the earth plane, as I have had many chats with non human entities.

Non-Experiencer: (Thinking -What a nut job!) There is no scientific evidence that supports that we have had ET contact, all UFO’s and case studies were debunked as hoaxes a long time ago! You don’t think the government and all of those people in the military and sciences would have found some kind of evidence to support this theory by now, if it was real? Whatever you think you saw, you imagined in your head. There are studies proving that brain waves can be manipulated so that people think they are talking with angels or some other made up entity. You’re just another one of those crazy conspiracy theorists that ignore the facts proven in the hard sciences.

 

Additionally the characteristic feature of Gaslighting is the same as the Controller archetypes, it is the internal belief system of having ownership over another human being, or groups of human beings, and therefore the right to overrule the other person’s perception of reality, for whatever the reasons. The Controller has no concern for personal freedom, sovereignty, the right to personal expression and the right to co-existence that intrinsically belongs to all people. When Controller types do not get the reaction they want through intimidation and emotional extortion, they may graduate to sophisticated levels of Gaslighting which may even appear to be coherent, but it is actually designed to weaken, attack and hurt their victim. This takes forms of hitting below the belt and manipulating emotional buttons, which are forms of emotional blackmail to get what they want.

Examples of ownership reveal themselves in every kind of relationship dynamic:

• A Mother who says the fact that she gave birth to her adult son, gives her the right to tell him and gossip to others, what a thoughtless jerk he is to her, whether it’s true or not.

• A Husband says that now that he has married his wife, she exists to service his needs and make him happy.

• A Boyfriend that paid for something his girlfriend needed, now says she owes him this favor of doing something she does not want to do, because of what he has given her to pay her bills.

• A Guy on a first date with a girl, tells her after dinner because he’s paid for it, she’s obligated to have sex with him.

• A Employer tells his employee that he gave her the job, and if she wants to keep it, she better bring him coffee at 9 am every day.

In all of these examples, the prevailing personality defect in the Controller group is the belief system that you have the right to assume or take ownership over other people, and that you can deny their right to have their own experiences, feelings and perceptions of reality. When you deny people the freedom to express themselves authentically, you are denying them the right to be authentic, honest and act as real people. In the Gaslighting set up, the victim cannot be who they really are, without being severely punished by the controller/manipulator, who is threatened when the person is being truthful, honest, or has the desire to improve or explore themselves. This is the set up on the earth for socially engineering mass duplicity. We live in a society filled with Gaslighting tactics that are used to strip every person of their true or authentic sense of identity, by taking away their personal freedom to be as they are. Instead people are handed a long list of socially acceptable conditions filled with duplicity and deception, that they have to comply with, in order to be considered successful or happy people. This list is self-enforced by the people we know that believe in and support that program.

In the western world we are told a popular life style narrative from our families, educational centers, and social structures that in order to be a happy and successful person, we must follow a specific program. If we do not follow that program given to us as the narrative of control, this threatens the people reinforcing that program. If we determine our happiness is to listen to our own inner guidance, and we act upon it, people in the program will tell you that you cannot possibly be successful and happy. Instead, they may project upon you to be a social reject, or use terms that are used to degrade your self-esteem to make you doubt your decisions. The most important piece to pay attention to with Gaslighting is to get clarity of your own feelings, experiences and perceptions, and to never give power to any other person to interpret your experience or degrade what is meaningful to your heart. Gaslighters will tell you how to feel and when to feel, and that your heart based feelings and direct experiences do not matter. Never listen to these damaged people, and take warning from any person that seeks to control what you feel or do not feel, as determined by your own circumstances. All of us must be strong enough to trust ourselves in our own experiences, and to share these experiences with the small intimate group of people that allow you to have authentic feelings, expressing emotions, having experiences that are uniquely your own. Be strong and clear in yourself, you do not need to defend or excuse your feelings, or perceptions of reality to any other person, when your actions are not harming anyone. We all must defend our personal right to explore our true and authentic selves, expressing and exploring our emotions and perceptions, asking the hard and difficult questions, to reach the truth inside ourselves. Protect the truth inside you, and you will become the protector of the truth inside everyone else. Your reality, your feelings, your perceptions, are not up for debate. A open and honest dialogue with the purpose of mutuality should not make you feel afraid, ashamed or confused.

From now on, let’s not punish each other for doing the things that we all require as human beings to become healthy, centered and happy. Let’s not give our power to feed damaged people that are Controllers, Manipulators and Gaslighters. There is enough love and happiness for us all. ~LR

Take a few moments to really get Gaslighting with these resources:

Effects of Gaslighting

Things I wish I’d known about Gaslighting

Gaslighting

We suggest you watch the classic movie Gaslight, which is as riveting today, as it was in 1944.

 

 

 

 

~via EnergeticSynthesis.com – Time Shift Blog – August 9, 2016

 

 

 

THE LIMITLESS MINDS: “They Radiate Negative Energy: 7 Basic Characteristics Of ‘Bad’ People”

Some people give out negative energy and we feel bad in their presence, so we can call them ‘toxic’. These are the seven basic signs that warn us of those people which are best to avoid.

1.Nothing you ever say or do is good enough. Sounds familiar?

2. They have the urge to point out even the slightest mistake because they think that everything has to be perfect. Who gave them that right?

3. They are always mentioning your past and don’t let you change. It’s really low and manipulative.

4. They will do anything to make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. After you part ways you feel exhausted, dull and impassive. They don’t care about your feelings, and they feel well when you don’t. It’s an obvious sign of psychic vampirism.

5. They always criticize everything, they want to be in control and don’t think of other people’s needs. This gives out their emotional stillness that sucks energy out from other people.

6.They invade your personal space and they never accept ‘no’ for an answer. Immediately put an end to such a behavior without any excuses.

7.  Their needs, thoughts and feelings have to be the center of attention. Does it ring a bell?

 

 

 

 

 

 

~viaTheLimetlessMinds.com

JACKSON MACKENZIE: “Signs You’re Arguing With A Psychopath”

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Psychopaths make up one percent of the general population. Contrary to popular belief, most of them aren’t serial killers.

They’re manipulative people who intentionally cause harm to others without any sense of remorse or responsibility.
Psychopaths are social chameleons who can fit perfectly into any situation.

They are experts at morphing their identities to get what they want and mirroring others for money, sex, and — most commonly — attention. Because of their ability to idealize others, psychopaths are often perceived as charming, innocent, and fun to unsuspecting onlookers and casual acquaintances.

But there is another side to them.

When they’re feeling threatened or bored, a psychopath’s true colors start to come out. They draw you into arguments that are unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. The argument usually stems from something hurtful or inappropriate they’ve done, but you’ll quickly find that you’re the one defending yourself.

It’s sort of like good cop, bad cop, demented cop, stalker cop, scary cop, baby cop.

Here are 6 warning signs that the person you’re arguing with is a psychopath and it’s time to disengage.

 

1. They lie and make excuses.

Everyone messes up every now and then, but psychopaths recite excuses more often than they follow through with promises. Their actions never match up with their words and their lies disappoint you so frequently that you actually feel relieved when they do something halfway decent. They’ve conditioned you to become grateful for mediocre treatment.

2. Their tone is condescending and patronizing.

Psychopaths often try to make you unhinged in an attempt to gain the upper hand. Throughout the entire argument, you’ll notice that they keep a calm and cool demeanor. It’s almost as if they’re mocking you — gauging your reactions to see how much further they can push. When you finally react emotionally, that’s when they’ll raise their eyebrows, smirk, tell you to calm down, or feign disappointment.

3. They employ mind-blowing hypocrisy.

In heated arguments, psychopaths have no shame and will often begin labeling you with their own horrible qualities. It goes beyond projection, because most people project unknowingly. Psychopaths know they are smearing you with their own flaws, because they are seeking a reaction. The point is to lure you in so that you react and seem “crazy” to onlookers.

4. They seem to have multiple personalities.

When arguing with a psychopath, you’re likely to notice a variety of their personas. It’s sort of like good cop, bad cop, demented cop, stalker cop, scary cop, baby cop. Once you begin pulling away from their manipulation and lies, they’ll start apologizing and flatter you. If that doesn’t work, they’ll suddenly start insulting the qualities they just flattered two minutes ago. As they struggle to regain control, you’ll be left wondering who you’re even talking to.

5. They play the eternal victim.

Somehow, their bad behavior will always lead back to a conversation about their abusive past or a crazy ex or an evil boss. You’ll end up feeling bad for them, even when they’ve done something horribly wrong. And once they’ve successfully diverted your attention, everything will get messy again. Psychopaths cry “abuse,” but, in the end, you’re the only one being abused.

6. You feel the need to explain basic human emotions to them.

You’ll find yourself attempting to explain emotions like empathy and kindness, guided by the thought that if they understand why you’re hurt, they’ll stop hurting you. You are not the first person who has attempted to see the good in them, and you will not be the last. They behave this way because they know that it hurts you.

There’s only one way out of these arguments. You need to disengage!

Arguments with psychopaths leave you drained. You might spend hours, even days, obsessing over the argument. If you think you have the perfect response to their latest outrageous comment, they planted it there on purpose. They’re trying to provoke you. They’re trying to draw you in.

In professional environments, they want you to blow up so that coworkers and superiors see you as unstable. In romantic settings, they want you to lash out so that they can use your “hysterical” reactions to show potential partners and exes how crazy you’ve become. Until we understand this, we’ll continue to fall into their trap.

So next time someone you’re arguing with uses these tactics to draw you in, try a different strategy: simply smile, nod, and go live your life.

They don’t deserve another second of your time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://themindsjournal.com/

 

 

 

 

LISA RENEE (Energetic Synthesis): “Manipulation Turnaround”

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http://www.EnergeticSynthesis.com