LISA RENEE (Time Shift Blog): “Embodying Integrity”

“The world is rapidly changing during these stages of bifurcation, in which the Negative Polarity and Positive Polarity spirals are becoming more extreme and amplified in the external. In order to stay deeply connected into our core self, and to withstand the massive impact of these opposing forces colliding, we must take conscious steps now to embody personal integrity.”

~Lisa Renee

 

Personal Integrity is the quality of being truthful and honest with yourself and others, of intentionally aligning personal behaviors and actions to be congruently aligned with your own Personal Value System, moral principles, and ethics. It generally requires personal choice and commitment to align ourselves to stay consistent with personal values and ethical standards, so that when we speak we mean what we say.

Developing Personal Integrity is essential to becoming a stable, clear and trustworthy person that aligns their decisions in life with their chosen personal values. It is the milestone of building a strong character guided by one’s chosen personal values, and is reflected in a person that is firmly centered in purpose and directed in life by their own core self. We compromise our core integrity whenever we let others make poor decisions for us or when we betray a trust, betray our personal values, or betray that which we know is the truth for ourselves. When we compromise our Personal Integrity, we allow a back door vulnerability for dark force manipulation that many times descends even more darkness and chaos into the situation where we had made the compromise. To support the embodiment of our true essential nature, achieve single soul occupancy and continual consciousness expansion, it is imperative that we understand how to generate and maintain Personal Integrity.

Self-Inquiry upon Personal Integrity

To build and maintain personal integrity takes some effort and commitment, like developing the self-awareness that is required to define your personal values so that you can measure your behaviors and actions, in order to evaluate how aligned you are to your authentic self. When you consciously participate to clarify personal beliefs and core values, the next step is to honestly assess how well you are doing, by reviewing yourself in a personal integrity report. It may be a powerfully positive process to review your core values and generate personal integrity reports annually, so that you can see how you are evolving and transforming, as you better stay aligned to your own personal value system. This begins to develop more competency in self-leadership and life management skills, so that you are empowered to make positive differences from the values that you lead in your life. Real self-leadership and Self-Ownership begins when we have absolute clarity within the context of our personal beliefs and core values, which become the guiding principles we follow in our lives.

What are the most important Personal Values that motivate my life?

Choose up to five of the most important core values that feel the most essential to live authentically and express your highest purpose. Then focus upon those themes that you have chosen and evaluate if you are practicing and increasing these important values throughout your life. In the Guardian context for reclamation of Christ, our personal core value system would be directly connected to the Law of One practices. For example, for those dedicated to be of service to the Law of One, some of our most important personal core values are:

  • Expressing Unity Consciousness, knowing we are all interconnected.
  • Expressing Unconditional Love and Compassion to Myself, Love Others and Love Earth.
  • Expressing Service to Others orientation to motivate personal actions.

Maybe upon deeper reflection or in the future you’ll find that your most important personal values are shifting, or are revealing differently in order to become more specific in their quality. The more specific we are in identifying our core values, the more accurate and clear we can be when applying those to the behaviors that guide our life. As an example, let’s say through deeper self-study you have identified a recurring pattern that makes it hard to feel confident in valuing yourself when in the company of intimidating people. One of the core values that you choose is to Value Yourself equally to others, no matter what happens. To make this an important guideline in your life will help strengthen personal behavior to value yourself while in intimidating situations, which increases Personal Integrity.

Once you’ve defined some of your most important personal values, then inquire on each one to evaluate how you can better align your thoughts and behaviors with the meaning of each value. For example, ask three questions about the core values of expressing Unity, to help you accurately assess positive changes that you can make to be more authentic and within integrity.

  • What does Unity mean to me, how do I express Unity in my thoughts, behaviors and actions?
  • How can I better practice Unity consciousness throughout my life?
  • Am I practicing empathy with others to more deeply express Unity?

Am I living in Personal Integrity and what areas can I improve?

As you meditate and reflect on your life over the past year, assess if you have been authentic to your core values and the ways that you can improve your actions, to reflect integrity and authenticity in the future. In each area when reflecting upon personal values, inquire on what is aligned to your authentic self, those things that feel they are functioning well. Then place your attention upon the personal lessons and opportunities that you have to greatly increase inner strength, the core strength you will need in order to act authentically and within personal integrity.

Summarize the key points in your Personal Integrity Assessment for reference.

As you gain clarity on identifying important personal values and how you can build and maintain authentic integrity, prepare a summary of key points that you can revisit for inspiration to help guide your life direction and purpose in the next cycle. Print out your notes to clarify in more detail your personal vision for living within core personal values, knowing that when you are maintaining personal integrity it naturally aligns to fulfill your highest purpose. Embodying core personal values, living, thinking and breathing those values is what expresses Personal Integrity. This is the key to avoid negative cause and effect or miasmatic imprints upon what you are manifesting. Then make an effort to re-read and reflect upon your Personal Integrity Assessment regularly, to keep you focused on what personal core values are the most important guiding principles of fulfilling your most authentic expression.

Practical Application of Embodying Integrity

In the process of completing a personal integrity self-assessment and consciously choosing your value system based on what you know to be true for you, now is the time to take conscious steps every day to behave in ways that are consistent with your personal values.

  • Identify the behavioral traits that need to be addressed and are required to change.
  • Determine the underlying reasons why you have not behaved with greater personal integrity.
  • Observe the obstacles and other people that are used as excuses to lie or violate your personal values or moral code.
  • Commit to build authentic relationships through greater truthfulness, honesty and being open and direct.
  • Compile a list of tasks and behaviors in which you dedicate to become more trustworthy and honest.
  • Protect your basic human rights to be authentic and protect the rights of others, by respecting the decisions and opinions of other people.
  • When possible, be of service to others and live as an example for embodying truthfulness and integrity.
  • Be willing to honestly self-assess progress on your commitment to personal integrity, making adjustments along the way.
  • Look for the support of others who are inspiring examples of personal integrity, and have similar goals and personal values to be honest and trustworthy.
  • Develop Accountability for personal behaviors and actions, and if you make a mistake that impacts others or you break a promise, be willing to admit it and apologize.

The world is rapidly changing during these stages of bifurcation, in which the Negative Polarity and Positive Polarity spirals are becoming more extreme and amplified in the external. In order to stay deeply connected into our core self, and to withstand the massive impact of these opposing forces colliding, we must take conscious steps now to embody personal integrity.

 

(Source: ES Newsletter – Personal Integrity)

 

~via EnergeticSynthesis.com – Time Shift Blog – December 18, 2018

ALEXANDER PAPAGEORGHIOU: “Accountability — The Death of The Victim”

When we speak of Awakening, Ascending, and becoming Creators, we often address this as a change in our energies and who we are, a proposed new vs the old.  This is not really accurate.  At the present time, we are becoming what we have been all these lifetimes, ever since we descended into physicality and Karma.

Yet, to create now we need to look at our own role in the past and what experiences have brought us here.  A lot of people ascending have a great difficulty accepting and taking responsibility for the choices their souls have made over the lifetimes that have led to the diverse, and often painful experiences, they often resort to blaming others for.  This brings us to Accountability.

If we look through a 5D lens at the world today, we can see that all we hold in relatively high esteem, like our social construct, governments, institutions, gender roles, and so much more, often evade any kind of accountability for their mistakes, and flow by unapologetically and unaware of the harm that is already done.  We are all part of the human experiment and mistakes are totally acceptable.  Nobody is without fault, ever.  The difference is if one is willing to accept that they have been wrong, be held accountable and accept a different path needs to be taken the next time around.  If we look at our leaders, from the community outwards, often there are mistakes made, and hurtful consequences result from this, but a wall of fake legitimacy is put up so as not to deal with these.  This is the 3D Male EGO at work.  The same ego can make no mistake because admitting to such would be a sign of weakness and that is not a reality people want to see, or so they believe, and therefore the veils go up again and again.  This is most probably one of the most pressing issues of our times. Lately, since the last months of 2017, we see this patterns of accountability and those who have evaded it in our faces constantly, as the game is up.  In our own lives and hearts, we need to have the same conversation with our egos.

Before we came around for this lifetime, our soul chose a set of events and lessons that would help us evolve towards balance.  For many of these years we have been victims, blaming the world around us for our pain and anguish.  The fact we need to swallow and make peace with, is that, even through that pain, we were the CREATORS, not the victims, we chose this to learn and flourish, and we ended that cycle by waking up and progressing towards the current moment.  Our Creation, though inadvertently, began eons ago.  This cycle we become conscious of this.  This is the most liberating aspect of our lives if we look it straight in the eyes.

We are not victims and we have never been. We chose these lessons, we went through them, and here we are.  The more we accept our symbiotic relationship with our soul and the partnership we have, and the role we have had in choosing these experiences, we can stop blaming society, employers, family, lovers, and the world over for all the pain we feel.  There is no doubt that the 3D density has been grueling and trying on most of us and our bodies, minds and spirits have often flared, but here we are.  We are awake/ning and we MUST accept our role as creators, of our past mishaps, unconsciously, and our path to changing this energy, this time consciously.  This is the first step to liberation from 3D, the total acceptance of all we have had to face and its subsequent release, replacing that with the faith we have in the UNIVERSE, the SOURCE, and ourselves as CREATORS.

We are here now, so it is time to take the last layers off and no longer see victims in the mirror.  There is too much love around flowing through everything we once knew as reality to blame everyone else for our misfortune.  You will only create, if, and when, you are ready to release this, and accept that whatever position you are in, you are there because you know exactly how to get out of it.  Liberate yourself now, and look at the face staring back you from the mirror.  You won’t recognize it anymore.  The first step to the new you is your willingness to CHANGE.

Much Love,

Alexander

 

 

~via IndigoLightLove.com

LISA RENEE (Time Shift Blog): “Denial and Blame Shifters”

“Psychological projection is when humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities by denying their existence inside themselves, while attributing those same qualities to others.  For example, a person who is habitually rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude.  This incorporates blame shifting.  Denial of the truth is the seed of all Ego Defense Mechanisms.”

~Lisa Renee

 

When we understand how fear is created in the body, it is helpful in releasing the grip of anxiety and fear patterns.  People that are triggered into fears and mental anxiety may impulsively turn to blame shifting or the projection of their fears onto others.  When people are in deep pain and they are suffering, many times they will move unacceptable impulses in themselves and place them onto someone else.  Sometimes, if another person or situation makes them feel uncomfortable, the person will blame them for their own discomfort.  In this way, it is a denial of personal responsibility by attributing to others their own unacceptable or unwanted thoughts or emotions.

When a person is shifting blame to an intuitive empath type of person, this can feel like someone throwing an energetic weight on top of them, while trying to make the empath process another person’s emotional garbage.  In this way, the blame shifter is throwing off his emotional garbage onto another person whom he perceives can process his emotional stuff.  This throwing off energetic weight in blame shifting or projection is a method used in order to release his or her own internal anxiety, in which that person seeks to release inner pressure that makes them feel immediately better about themselves.  There is an emotional pay off that exists in blame shifting.  Blame shifters tend to need to find self-justification for their own negative behaviors.  They conveniently place blame onto others in order to continue with their own sense of self entitlement to behave in the ways that make it easier for them to cope with stress.  Rather than get to the root of problems, they deny them by shifting blame of their issue onto others.

Psychological projection is when humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence inside themselves, while attributing those same qualities to others.  For example, a person who is habitually rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude.  This incorporates blame shifting.  Denial of the truth is the seed of all Ego Defense Mechanisms.  The concept of denial is particularly important to the study of addiction as facing the denial is getting to the root and cause of the addictive personality.  When denial occurs in more mature minds, it is most often associated with death, dying and rape.  Such as thoughts that are made towards crimes against humanity that are too terrible and fear inducing for that person to actually consider as accurate or truthful information, so they deny them instead.  Extremely difficult topics, like SRA [Satanic Ritual Abuse] or dying, may trigger great inner anxiety and fear, and are generally shut down from further discussion because many people are too afraid to confront these topics for a variety of reasons.

Denial is putting up a thought barrier and arguing against an anxiety-provoking stimuli by stating that it doesn’t exist.  When we live in denial we are refusing to perceive the more unpleasant aspects of the external reality, as well as many unpleasant aspects that may be hidden in our own behavior and personality.  Denial may also mean denying the happening of an event or the reliability of information, which can lead to a feeling of indifference on the topic in general, and to completely ignore the possibility of beneficial information.

A person that is rejecting unpleasant or painful truths inside themselves or in situations may use:

  • Simple Denial: deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether.
  • Minimization: admit the fact but deny its seriousness and impact through a combination of denial and rationalization.
  • Projection: admit both the fact and seriousness of the issue, but deny personal responsibility by blaming somebody or something else as the problem.

It is important to note that what makes denial denial and not just the refusal to admit to or accept a truth or fact, rests in the degree of that individual’s direct experience and awareness of the actual existence of the truth or fact.  In denial, an individual does not see or is mostly unconscious of the existence of the truth or fact.  The choice to refuse reality, then, is unconscious as well.  Refusal to admit to or accept a truth or fact differs from denial, in that the individual recognizes or is conscious of the existence of the truth or fact but consciously refuses to accept it as such.  Refusal to admit to a truth or fact, especially when it concerns others involved, can be considered a complex psychological and emotional manipulation tactic that is designed for selfish motivations.

When we are unaware of our subconscious reactions and thoughts, it is easy to project one’s unconscious qualities onto others, and this is a common occurrence in everyday life.

It is helpful to understand that dark forces in humans and nonhumans, commonly use blame shifting as a psychological warfare tool to weaken and exploit spiritually awakening people.  Blame shifting is a potent way to use trauma based mind control to weaken people, and so controller and manipulator types use this tactic skillfully to exploit those around them.  Blame shifting can also be accompanied with Gaslighting.  We must remember the goal of dark forces is to exploit and weaken those spiritually activated.  Thus they will target the mental body, emotional body and spiritual body, in so to exploit personal weaknesses.  The plan of action is to make that person doubt themselves or second guess what actually happened to them, even if they remember what has happened very clearly.  When a person is in perpetual self-doubt, this greatly weakens his or her mind and spiritual communication.  Gaslighting is a form of psychological-emotional abuse that Controlling types of personalities and dark forces use to which a victim is manipulated into doubting and discrediting their own memories, perceptions, experiences and sanity.  When people do not have the whole picture of events, and they are being deceived and manipulated with only limited access to the truth contained in circumstances, it obfuscates their ability to make informed, clear and well thought out decisions.  Thus human and non-human Gaslighters like to tell other people what they are feeling, what they are perceiving, what they should be doing, and criticize and condemn anything else they do not agree with in that persons experience, because it is not favorable to serve their own selfish agendas.  By attempting to gain total control over another person, this directly leads to control over the mind of another person, and this is what dark forces are striving for.  As long as they have some influence or control over the mind, they continue to have control in the mind, body and spirit of that individual.

These dark forces can be included in the subconscious fear content that exists in the fragmented parts of the individual’s mental body, in which great darkness has been allowed to grow and even flourish from feeding the fear.  When a person has not taken care of their subconscious fears, the inner darkness may explode from inner to outer, in which blame shifting and projection becomes a part of that person’s survival mechanism to cope with life.  When the negative ego and all of its shadows are feeling threatened, it will attack and lie in order to preserve itself, in a variety of ways that is described as ego defense mechanisms.

Anytime we reject the unpleasant truth to remain comfortable within our belief system, or from our fears of self-annihilation, we easily accept lies as truth.  When a person believes the negative thoughts they received from a negative entity, are actually coming from their own mind, and they act out that destructive behavior, the entity is successful in deceiving them.  Generally, entities use an emotional bait hook based on manipulating the type of pain or trauma that specific person carries.  The dark force will find an inroad into the weakness of that person, and possibly bind itself to the wounds of that person, through the consent that was made during the destructive behaviors that person has acted out in the past or present.  In order for that dark force to remain connected to manipulate the subconscious mind of the unaware person, they will use deflecting tactics to keep attention away from their existence and to keep the focus on other people and things on the external that can be used for blame shifting.  This is a potent way to continue to lodge the programing for fear bondage loops of victim-victimizer archetypes, which amplify polarities in the energies, and thus are feeding parasites and predators.

Being able to own your own emotional conflicts without blame or projection upon another person by making it their fault is the hallmark of personal responsibility.  Do not assume that you know anything about that person that can be judged for what you cannot see or really know about them, as you have not walked in their shoes.  When feeling upset towards somebody else, restore balance to your heart and aura by lovingly holding boundaries without violating others boundaries.  It is a violation of another’s healthy boundaries by expecting them to resolve your conflict and process your emotional content.  Be willing and open to learn what the real issue is that has created the conflict that exists within you.  Most of the time, we’re upset about something deep down from our own inner fears and it’s not what it appears to be on the surface of life.  By going deeper and reflecting on forgiveness of ourselves and forgiveness of others, while allowing the time and space needed to heal, helps to neutralize the conflict in most cases.  We all must learn how to become responsible for our own behaviors, thoughts and actions.  Accepting Self-Responsibility is a major step of productive negative ego clearing, in which we stop blame shifting or projection when it is merely convenient for us to unload our emotional garbage onto other people.

(Ascension Glossary: Denial, Blame Shifting)

 

~via EnergeticSynthesis.com – Time Shift Blog – May 29, 2018

ELLYN DYE: “Forgiveness As The Ultimate Act Of Self-Love!”

I’ve learned to forgive others easily without looking back… even if I’ve had to eliminate them from my life, upon discovering they’re a narcissist, a sociopath, or a psychopath. When they are liars, thieves, manipulators and schemers and are ‘never wrong’… they will never magically grow a heart and soul… therefore by avoiding them altogether you will probably have a lot more self-love and self-respect. : D

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by Ellyn Dye
Guest writer for In5D.com

Forgiveness can be a really sticky issue. Everyone knows it is “blessed” to forgive, yet most of us secretly—or not-so-secretly— harbor grudges, carry resentments, relive betrayals, and plot revenge, if only in our fantasies. After all, we “earned” those stripes through our own pain and anguish. If we let all that go, we lose part of ourselves, don’t we?? If we let it go, it means it doesn’t matter that we were hurt, doesn’t it?? Often people resist forgiving because they believe that in doing so they are condoning the bad behavior, invalidating their own experience and pain, pretending it never happened, and letting the person off “scot free.” That is simply not the case.

Forgiveness means acknowledging and accepting that something very painful happened or, yes, was done to you… and then letting it go and leaving it in the past where it belongs, so you can heal and move on in your own life. The other person probably moved on a long time ago!

And remember, it is totally up to you what, if any, future relationship you have with that person, and that will likely depend on whether he/she apologized, expressed true remorse, made amends, and worked to earn your trust again. Remember the adage: “Hurt me once, shame on YOU. Hurt me twice, shame on ME.” It’s true! “Turning the other cheek” may mean turning and walking away! We definitely don’t have to go back for a “second dose,” and it behooves us to learn from our experiences. We can only learn who people really are by observing, and sometimes experiencing, their actions. Every action is information about who a person is and whether we want him/her in our lives. And, as Maya Angelou said, “When a person shows you who they are, believe them!”

Holding on to past grievances is like permanently holding ourselves in the moment of the pain so we can relive it over and over again. When we are still stuck emotionally in a painful event, we are stuck firmly in the past, not moving forward with our lives, and we are giving our lives over to that single event. It becomes a defining moment for us. Many people actually define their entire existence in terms of what someone else did to them years, or even decades ago! Is it possible they want their entire life to become a shrine to one painful event? Why? What is the emotional payoff for that?

Think of it this way:  Someone walks up and hits you in the head with a baseball bat and walks away. Instead of going home to get first aid and heal your wound, you pick up the baseball bat and, over the next few years, periodically pick up the bat and hit yourself in the head again. By the end of five years, you’ve hit yourself in the head a few thousand times, with your built-up anger and resentment adding force to each blow. The person who originally hit you with the bat only did it once. So, at the end of the five years, who caused you the most pain and the most harm? That person or you?

Emotional pain, anger, resentment, and bitterness build up in our systems if we don’t vent them and let them go. Emotions are intended to be Energy in Motion, and emotional energies can cause all kinds of problems if they don’t move out of our systems. They are like toxic fumes that continually swirl around us. They make us sick and, worse, attract more toxic fumes… that will attract more painful events… that will emit more toxic fumes…

We create a continuing loop, and each time we relive the event in our minds, the neural networks that were created become deeper and stronger, so it is easier to “fall back” into that thought and feeling. It poisons our minds, our hearts, our bodies, and our lives, and often the lives of those around us. Before long, we view everything through that filter and our vision, our thoughts, and our emotional processes are so poisoned that the only thing we can see, think, or feel is pain, anger, resentment, and bitterness. We begin to believe that Life is defined by that, and we no longer allow anything else in, because our outer reality always proves that our beliefs are true!

It also traps us in victim mode. By holding on to past grievances and marinating ourselves in those toxic emotions, we give every ounce of our power away to the other person.We give up responsibility for ourselves and our emotional state of being, we wallow in our self-pity, and we give others power over our lives.

The truth is, no one can truly hurt us unless we let them.(OUCH!) Knowingly or unknowingly, we contribute to our own pain. We may not have control over what others do but, contrary to popular belief, we DO have control over how we respond. We can cling to the pain and relive it, or we can heal and walk away. In fact, it is never the experiences that create our lives and who we are, it is how we respond to them. Do we learn and grow and rise above, or do we fall and wallow and give up? It really is our choice.

As is so often the case, we can learn so much from the children. Kids know how to “shake it off,” unless the adults teach them to cling to their pain. A happy child falls, skins a knee, has mom “fix it,” and then runs out to play again. Kids accept that pain is just something that happens in life. They know all too well that sometimes people are mean and do things that hurt them, and they don’t let it stop them. We could use a lot more of that!

We owe it to ourselves to forgive. It is all for US, not for them. Forgiveness is truly a “selfish act,” and it really does set us free.

So how do we do that? When someone betrays us; abuses us; takes advantage of us; causes physical, mental, or emotional harm, how do we work our way to the point where we can forgive them and let it go? How do we, as Jiminy Cricket used to say, “Pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start all over again”?

It isn’t always easy, and we generally have to go one step at a time, but it may be the most important part of our healing process. If we can reframe our understanding of the event, we can often change our perspective enough to forgive and make lemonade from those lemons. Here are some ways to reframe:

Recognize that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have at the time. This includes ALL resources, such as emotional understanding and capacity, self-esteem, knowledge, wisdom, experience, energy, ability to empathize with others, and level of overwhelm. Most people are running on empty, especially in the last few years: they are stretched so thin, they don’t have enough time, energy, money, strength, or mental or emotional capacity to cope. People are running on auto-pilot, and when a complex situation presents itself that requires discernment, integrity, generosity, kindness, and love, often they only have the ability to react out of fear. They cannot think about the impact of their actions on other people, because they are struggling just to manage a situation and get through it.

Even when people do try to consider others, they still don’t really know the full impact of their actions; none of us can ever really know, because a person’s reaction to what we do is based not only on what we do, but also on their entire emotional history.

What other people do to us is not really about US. How we react to what other people do to us is not really about THEM.

What people do comes from their state of mind, emotional state, and emotional baggage. How we react to anything that happens to us comes from our state of mind, emotional state, and emotional baggage.

This is an important distinction: our reactions and sensitivities to what others do is our own, based on everything that has ever happened to us and how we have reacted. People can push our buttons without even knowing we have those buttons, and we can push theirs. Heck, I can push people’s buttons just by walking into a room!! What is perfectly fine for one person can be highly offensive, threatening, or pain-invoking for someone else. And we have absolutely no way of knowing that until we find out the hard way, when they react in a totally unexpected way. It’s the same for others and our reactions. The key for all of us is to identify the buttons we have and heal the underlying pain, so there is no longer a button to push!

Forgive them, for they know not what they do. To me, this request, attributed to Jesus on the cross, is one of the most important, and most difficult, lessons in the Bible. When we can recognize that every action, by anyone, is either an act of love or a cry for love,and respond accordingly, we have truly released our attachment to control and pain and moved into love and compassion. When we can learn to be in that space of love and forgiveness, we have taken a giant step in our own healing and evolution.

Even when someone does something intentionally to be mean, inflicting damage or pain on purpose, they still do not know what they are doing or why. They are still only acting from the depths of their own fear, pain, and insecurity, doing the best they can. If bullies were not so terrified and self-loathing, themselves, they would not feel the need to inflict pain on others. Because of the abuse they have endured in their own lives, they can only feel powerful or good about themselves when they are putting others down or abusing them. They are getting through life the only way they know how, by treating others as they have been treated. Instead of healing their own pain, they inflict pain on others. Sadly, it appears that our culture has created a society of bullies. “The sins of the father,” passed down from generation to generation, are the dysfunctional, self-loathing ways of being in the world, based on the accumulated unhealed wounds and pain.

People who feel good about themselves, who are self-aware, and who have worked on their own healing, generally have no need to intentionally cause pain or create conflict; and if they do so by mistake, they usually can recognize it quickly and rectify it or make amends. People who indulge in desperate acts feel desperate inside. People who inflict pain are filled with pain, themselves. People who act badly simply are unable, in that moment, to act any better, for whatever reason. They cannot be focused on you and your pain, because they can only focus on their own. Forgive them, for they know not what they do.

Recognizing how we often participate in causing ourselves pain is a humbling experience, and an important step toward forgiveness of ourselves and others, as well as toward our own self-awareness.

We must understand that no one can hurt us emotionally unless we “let” them. Nothing anyone else does is deeply painful unless there is something inside us that resonates with it. That unhealed emotional pain inside us—or our attachment to control of external events and others—sets up a resonance and attracts more pain into our lives. It’s those “buttons” again, that keep getting pushed. Used consciously, an emotional response can alert us to our deep, unhealed pain so we can heal it and eliminate the buttons. Unfortunately, we usually just cling more to each painful incident, thus increasing the resonance in an escalating cycle.

When we blame others for how we feel, regardless of what they have done; when we give others the power to hurt us and “ruin” our lives, we keep ourselves trapped in that resonance-pain-resonance-pain feedback loop. And if we feel, deep inside, that we deserve pain—or if we have been betraying ourselves by allowing abuse—then pain and betrayal will become the pattern of our lives until we break the cycle. And it is up to us, not someone else, to do the work to heal and break the cycle. If we allow ourselves to be doormats, we cannot really hold it against someone who wipes his feet on us, because we invited the action, consciously or unconsciously.

It’s up to us to teach people how to treat us, and we do that every day in every interaction, consciously or unconsciously. We do it by what we allow and what we don’t allow. Our relationships show us what we are teaching people about how we believe we deserve to be treated—and sometimes, that’s not pretty! We often stay in abusive situations, hoping the other person will change, because we are too afraid to empower ourselves to leave and create our own change. Or, deep down, we believe that we deserve it. (We don’t—EVER! And sometimes that’s our biggest lesson!)

We can also sometimes unconsciously “invite” or set ourselves up for disappointment and pain by harboring unrealistic expectations of others and/or by not clearly conveying our expectations to others. That is a trap, and no one wins. Often, we feel that others should somehow “know” what we need, want, or expect (possibly because we are afraid to express our needs clearly, or don’t believe we deserve to have them met). When others do not fulfill those needs or expectations, we take it personally, feel hurt, and hold it against them. But our needs are our responsibility.

We also may expect others to act in the same ways that we would in a given situation; we expect someone to act fairly because we would, or we expect someone to consider our needs and feelings because we would do that for them. We expect others to share our values and integrity and, perhaps to even act in our interests instead of their own. But again, these are unrealistic expectations, and unrealistic expectations only set us up for disappointment and pain. We can only realistically expect other people to act the way they act, in their self-interest as they perceive it. It is the only thing they can do—and often, it is incomprehensible to us.

We often have to forgive ourselves, too, and that can be even harder than forgiving someone else, because we judge ourselves so harshly. We often feel angrier, longer, about a painful situation when we believe part of it was our fault, or that we set ourselves up, when our internal dialogue says:  “I should have known better,” “I never should have trusted that person,” “I should have asked more questions,” “I should not have deferred to such an extent to that person, and let her take advantage,” etc., etc.  In those cases, it’s easier to hold on to the grudge against the other person, because otherwise we must look at our own anger and judgment of ourselves, and sit with the shame of our perceived failure. But blame and shame always keep us from healing and moving on, no matter who we are blaming.

We all have 20/20 hindsight, we all make mistakes and sometimes overlook what appears in retrospect like something that should have been obvious, forgetting that it wasn’t obvious at the time (and often, there’s no reason it would be). We are not perfect and we are not all-knowing. We cannot know how everything will turn out (not even those of us who are “psychic”!). We cannot possibly know how other people will act overreact. Like everyone else, we can only do the best we can. We can only guess, based on our experience, and hope we’re right; and if we are wrong, it is not really a failure on our part. Those thoughts really only reflect our deep desire for control and our fear of the unknown and of making mistakes. And that comes from our cultural mandate to mask our deep self-loathing, self-doubt, and fear with a veneer of perfectionism. Perhaps it stems from a deep-seated fear of a mean, judgmental God, who expects us to be perfect. But God does not expect us to be perfect, and God does not judge us. Those are singularly human traits.

When we can allow ourselves to make mistakes, giving ourselves the benefit of the doubt and knowing that we did the best we could at the time—even if we can later think of ways we could have done better—we can begin to allow others to make mistakes and give them the benefit of the doubt, too, even when those mistakes hurt us. We are all, in fact, human! And making mistakes is the only way we really learn.

We break the blame-and-shame cycle by letting go of old hurts, forgiving ourselves and others, and loving and healing ourselves. When we can feel compassion for those who cause us pain, when we understand that they are doing the best they can and really don’t know any better, or may not even know they are hurting us, we set ourselves free. When we take responsibility for our own feelings and reactions, rather than placing that responsibility on others, we empower ourselves.

Even better, when we treat ourselves with love, kindness, and compassion, others begin to treat us the same way. When we love and heal ourselves, we release the resonance for pain and drama and, stop attracting that into our lives. When we detach from judgment, grudges, and pain, we can set new intentions for ease and grace, and fuel those intentions with all the energy that has been freed up. That’s when we begin to attract love, joy, peace, and abundance.

Why not leave all those old, festering wounds, and all that pain and emotional baggage in the past where it belongs? Close the door on it all and start fresh. Begin again, and treat yourself and others the way you have always wanted to be treated, with love and respect, kindness and consideration, and, yes, forgiveness when you make a mistake, do something “stupid,” or unintentionally hurt yourself or others.

When we start loving ourselves more, treating ourselves better, and forgiving our faults, foibles, and mistakes, those around us can only follow suit… or fall away. And, if there is a falling out or a falling away in these transformational times, we can do our best to allow that, and send the other person off with love and forgiveness, knowing that when we allow change, rather than resist it, everything really does work out for our Highest Good.

About the author:
Ellyn Dye
is an Author, Intuitive Coach, Metaphysical Teacher, and Public Speaker. A near-death experience in 1985 expanded her psychic abilities and created a link with some very loving—and humorous—Guardians of humanity and the ancient wisdom, the Lion People. They provided her with a vast array of information about life on earth and the evolution of mankind, and they opened an ongoing dialogue with her that has grown stronger over time. She publishes a monthly free newsletter, Tunnel Vision, and you can find her articles in the December 2012 and 2013 “Predictions Issues” of The Sedona Journal of Emergence. She is author of the metaphysical fantasy novel , The Search For The Crystal Key, and is working on a new book, Creating Heaven on Earth. . . One Soul at a Time; A How-To Manual for Ushering In the Golden Age, from the Perspective of a Near-Death Experience. Find out more about Ellyn, her NDE, her coaching, and her books, and calendars at www.LionMagic.com.