FIONA REILLY: “Four Tips for Effective Listening”

The gift of being heard is something really precious. Having someone listen attentively to our expression or story is very healing and can enable us find our own understanding, acceptance, balance and joy again. Listening sounds like a very simple thing and indeed it is, yet many of us struggle to listen effectively. Being a good listener requires being present and fully attentive to the other. It is not about offering advice or fixing anything or making the other feel better, it’s simply being there and paying attention.

 

“Whatever life we have experienced, if we can tell our story to someone who listens, we find it easier to deal with our circumstances.”

~Margaret J. Wheatley

 

Four Tips for Effective Listening

So how might we listen more effectively… there are many things that can help! Below I outline four suggestions that I have found to be fundamental to good listening.

Be Present

Initially, it is vital to be present and with the speaker, to give them our full attention. If possible find a quiet place for a listening exchange where you are unlikely to be disturbed. Turn off phones and any background noise. Honour your boundaries, if you feel you only have 20 minutes to listen, say so at the beginning so the boundaries are clear or explain that now is a not a good time and arrange to connect when the time is right. To the best of your ability come from a place of acceptance and compassion and avoid judgement of them or their story. Be fully attentive to them and the energy between you.

 

“Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don’t have to do anything else. We don’t have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen.”

~Margaret J. Wheatley

 

Simply Listen

Many of us want to try to fix and make things better for the other person, yet the most beneficial way is for them to work through whatever is arising and to find their own solutions. The way to help someone feel better is to encourage them to be with their pain or confusion or whatever their experience is, to explore it and then they may feel empowered to move through it. Telling someone they need to be strong or things will get better or something similar isn’t effective longterm and can be disempowering. So try not to fix the situation or offer solutions unless they are invited. When listening our purpose isn’t to make a person feel better, simply by having their experiences heard in a non-judgemental and accepting way can allow things to shift and heal.

 

“The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed — to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is.”

~Paul Parker

 

Focus On the Speaker’s Perspective

While it’s useful to be able to identify with their experience, telling someone of your similar experience is not usually helpful, so try not to habitually compare their situation to one that you have experienced. It is of course fine if you are having a two way conversation, however if you want to encourage a person to explore their experience, your story isn’t what they need to hear, at least not until they have worked through their own stuff. It can take from what the speaker is saying and turns the attention away from them. Occasionally it may be appropriate to share your own experience, use your intuition on when that feels right. You could check with the speaker if they’d like you to share what happened to you, though mostly I find it best to stay with what the speaker is sharing.

In order to acknowledge their experience and what they have shared, you can reflect back to them what you heard them say, for example “You felt very angry when that happened”. Such a reflection does a number of things, it shows that you are listening, that their feelings or expressions are valid and enables them to go into more depth around the issues. In focussing on the other person you may notice the subtleties of body language, tone of voice… etc., which can sometimes indicate more than their words and again if appropriate you can reflect back what you notice.

Don’t engage in a drama or exaggerate the situation, sometimes what is being shared may arise feelings in you, acknowledge these internally though put them aside you can always return to explore them yourself at a more appropriate time.

Become Comfortable With Silences

For many silences or gaps in conversation cause discomfort and they rush to fill the quietness with something. However allowing a silence lets the speaker know that you are there for them and ready to listen when they are ready to speak. Speaking in order to break a silence usually ends up in directing the speaker in a different direction, than what may have otherwise arose next. If you do feel to ask questions, do so for clarity and understanding. The facts or details usually don’t matter. If you do feel to ask questions try to keep them open ended, you could you phrases like “How was that for you?” to encourage more disclosure or as I mentioned earlier reflect back what you have just heard.

Acknowledge Pain

This is an excellent video relating to how to support a grieving friend and the principles offered could be used with other challenging situations, not only grief. The way to help someone feel better is to encourage them to be with their pain, to explore and accept it and then they may feel empowered to move through it.

 

“One of the easiest human acts is also the most healing. Listening to someone. Simply listening. Not advising or coaching, but silently and fully listening.”

~Margaret J. Wheatley

 

With loving gratitude for all those who have shown me how to listen well and for my continued learning. I wish you well with your listening explorations,

Fiona

 

~via WakeUp-World.com

LIVE BOLD & BLOOM: “12 Of The Most Important Values To Live By”

What values are important to a life well-lived?

What do you want to be known for? What qualities do you admire in others and work to cultivate in yourself?

And how do those qualities reflect your core beliefs?

Your life values are those that, once you identify them, help you with decision-making and provide the building blocks for your character — specifically the one you want to have.

For example, if one of your top value in life is courage, you’ll likely seek out new challenges so you can act in spite of the fear that comes when you’re faced with the possibility of failure or rejection.

And if forgiveness has recently become one of your values to live by, you’ll want to remind yourself of your new commitment when you’re about to spend time with someone who has hurt you in the past.

But what is the point of identifying your values, and how do they contribute to your growth and happiness?

To answer this question, we’re exploring 12 of the most important values in life and showing how they influence everything you do.

But before we do that, it makes sense to explain what values are in the first place.

What Are Values in Life?

Values are about what you consider important to the life you want to live. They inform your priorities and, when practiced consistently, form the character you want to have.

They’re rooted in your core beliefs about what makes for a life well-lived and about the behavior you want to model for others (including children if you have them).

Shared values are the basis for a common code – a value-based compass – that speeds up decision-making and unites those who share that code.

By expressing those values, the common code articulates different aspects of the shared mission and becomes the key motivator for those who share it.

You can take each of the following examples of values in life to create a code or motto that motivates you to practice that value every day, so it will become second nature when it’s most needed.

12 Most Important Values To Life By

 

1. Courage

Courage is about doing what you believe needs to be done — not in the absence of fear but in spite of it.

You might feel disinclined to offer a genuine apology out of fear that the other will reject it, but courage will help you apologize anyway, because it’s the right thing to do, out of respect for the one you hurt or offended. Whether they accept your apology or not is their business.

Courage requires a step outside of your comfort zone. If you have no fear, you don’t need courage, but when something you know you have to do makes you feel sick inside, courage is what makes you do that thing anyway.

Courage code: “I do what needs to be done, even if fear comes along for the ride.”

2. Kindness

Kindness is about treating others the way you want to be treated.

It’s more than just holding your tongue when you’re tempted to say something unkind; kindness looks for ways to make life better for others. It takes delight in lifting others up and reminding them they’re not alone, invisible, or insignificant.

Kindness and compassion are closely related; the latter involves the readiness to see a situation from someone else’s perspective and to give them the benefit of the doubt. It also takes into consideration what the other person has gone through and chooses to respond with kindness rather than anger or vengefulness.

Both demonstrate at least a subliminal appreciation for the connectedness of all living beings; when you show kindness and compassion to others, you benefit (at least) as much as they do.

Kindness to yourself is also important, and it’s the basis for self-care. Don’t forget to be as kind to yourself as you want others to be.

Schedule time each day for reasonable and thoughtful self-care, and practice mindfulness to be fully present for it. In practicing kindness to yourself, you also make yourself better able to render kindness to others.

Kindness code: “I treat others as I want to be treated — with thoughtfulness, patience, and respect.”

3. Patience

When someone is pushing your buttons, taking your time or attention away from something you want to finish, or making your life harder in some way, you practice patience by putting yourself in the others’ shoes, trying to see the situation from their perspective, and responding with kindness and respect.

No one wants to be treated like an inconvenience or a burden, and sometimes your priorities have to change to make room for something (or someone) more important or more likely to help you grow.

Patience code: “No matter how I feel when someone interrupts me or gets in my way, I always treat them with the same patience I hope for from others when necessity compels me to interrupt them or get in their way.”

4. Integrity

Integrity is about acting and speaking in accordance with your beliefs.

If you say one thing but do the opposite, witnesses to this contradiction aren’t likely to recognize you as a person of integrity. They’re more likely to accuse you of hypocrisy.

Though you may not be fully conscious of the disagreement between your words and actions, if you believe one thing but your actions profess a contradictory belief, you might feel a growing unease and unhappiness with the way you’re acting.

It doesn’t feel right. And you’re faced with a choice: either change your belief, or change your actions.

Integrity code: “What I believe is made clear by what I say and do.”

5. Gratitude / Appreciation

When gratitude is a core belief, you make time for it every day. You prioritize both feeling gratitude and expressing it — in your thoughts, in the words you speak or write, and in your attitude and actions.

You might create the habit of writing a daily gratitude list. And if you recognize the importance of emotion to the fullest experience of gratitude, you’ll likewise place a high value on a daily mindfulness practice.

Showing appreciation to others for their words and actions is also essential to making this a core value. Just as you appreciate it when others thank you for a job well done, for a thoughtful gift, or for rendering the help they needed, others appreciate that recognition too.

And far too often, we act as though others must already know how much we appreciate them. Don’t assume that they do; make sure of it.

Gratitude code: “In the morning, throughout the day, and in the evening, I feel and express gratitude for the good things in my life. And I make sure everyone who has done something good for me knows I appreciate them for it.”

6. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is about letting go of anger and resentment toward those who have hurt or offended you.

You’re not saying what they did was okay or not a big deal; you’re acknowledging that what they did was hurtful but choosing to forgive them in order to be free of the anger and resentment (toward them) that are making you miserable.

In forgiving them, you take back your power and choose happiness and peace of soul for yourself, even if the one who hurt you has never shown the slightest hint of remorse.

Everyone has a capacity for forgiveness — just as everyone has the capacity to hurt others with their words and actions — but not everyone has cultivated a habit of forgiveness.

We learn to be more forgiving by forgiving more. If you write morning pages, add a short list of people you forgive, adding what you forgive them for and something you appreciate about each person.

Forgiveness code: “I forgive those who have hurt me, because I know I’ve made mistakes and hurt people, too, and I want to be free of this anger and resentment. I choose freedom, and I choose to genuinely want (and work for) the good of those who’ve hurt me.”

7. Love

Love sees the good in everyone, and it wants good things for them. You may not always know what’s best for someone else, but if you love them, you want their ultimate happiness, and you want to see them grow.

You recognize that no one reaches adulthood with their character fixed and unchangeable; we’re all a work in progress. Things your 20-year-old self would say might appall your 40-year-old self. It’s part of being human if you’re a human that continues to grow.

Did someone you love do terrible things in their 20’s or 30’s — things they would never do now (in their mid-40’s)?

Forgive them for not knowing better before they learned whatever stopped them from doing those terrible things. And forgive yourself for not knowing that human beings are all capable of terrible things — just as we’re also capable of growth.

When you love someone, you don’t base that love on the kind of person they were ten or twenty years ago, or on the person, you hope they become or that you wish they were. Your love tells them, “You are enough — just as you are today.”

You recognize that their beliefs and behavior may change as they grow, but since your love doesn’t depend on what they believe or on whether you agree on everything, your love doesn’t lessen with time and with the challenges those changes bring.

Love code: “I love with both passion and understanding; real love is wide awake.”

8. Growth

If growth is one of your core values, you look for opportunities to grow as a person and to help others grow, too.

You take the time to identify your values and your overall mission, so you can live in accordance with it and become more and more the person you have to be in order to fulfill your mission.

You know that growth isn’t a destination but a process, and you want to enjoy that process and help others to enjoy their own.

You might take an interest in coaching or in group growth opportunities, where members support and encourage each other. You recognize true and wholehearted collaboration as an asset and a growth facilitator, and you prioritize growth over comfort and security.

Real growth might mean shaking things up at home or at work, but the more committed you are to your growth and to that of those you care about, the less you mind rocking the boat.

Growth code: “Every day, I’m growing more into the person I want to be.”

9. Listening

If active listening is a core value for you, you value others’ input and invest time and energy in learning how to see things from their perspectives.

So, it makes sense that when someone wants to tell you something, you give them your full attention and thoughtfully consider their words.

Whereas before you felt tense with the expectation of having to defend your beliefs against an unfriendly viewpoint, you’ve learned (through practice) to listen with genuine openness rather than an ego-centric fear of being proven wrong.

You recognize that you don’t know everything, and you don’t see even familiar things from every angle, so you appreciate it when others share their perspectives. And your body language as well as your feedback shows them you’re listening and that you care about what they have to say.

Listening code: “I listen to others with my full attention, so I can learn from them and show thoughtful consideration for their ideas.”

10. Respect

If you want to be known for treating all human (or living) beings with respect, you probably base that respect on something more fundamental than someone’s rank or social status.

Otherwise, why would you consider it a priority to treat all humans with equal respect — regardless of their age, income, or background?

Or why would you put more energy into making sure the least exalted among you is treated with respect than into making sure others treat you with the same consideration.

It doesn’t mean you don’t consider yourself equally worthy of respect, but you find it easy to put yourself in other people’s shoes, so in making sure they feel respected, you feel more respected, too.

Respect code: “I treat all living beings with the same respect with which I like to be treated.”

11. Self-Giving

Another word for self-giving is sacrifice, but self-giving has a more positive connotation. Essentially, you’re giving of yourself — your time, your attention, your energy, your treasure, your abilities — to help or enrich another.

Real love doesn’t hesitate to give of itself until it hurts, knowing that the momentary pain is nothing compared to the benefit won by that self-giving.

The word “selfless” implies that someone has given so much of themselves, they’ve reserved nothing for their own use or enjoyment, but in giving yourself — if you give out of love — your joy is in what that gift brings to others.

Self-giving can be overdone but only when the motive is pride (or insecurity) rather than love.

Self-giving code: “I give of myself to others not only to connect with them but to acknowledge our connectedness. What I give to them, I also receive.”

12. Vision

You may be used to talking about vision in the context of a specific person’s “vision for the future,” but the larger sense of vision is not something that you own or that comes from you; it comes through you and inspires you and others.

Because the larger vision isn’t confined to your ego, the power of that vision is free to attract, illuminate, and flow through you.

Your vision is connected to one that is infinite and uncontainable — you do not exist to serve yourself at the expense of others; you exist to cooperate with others in the creation of a community that benefits all living creatures.

Your personal vision — what you see as your response to the larger vision — informs your personal mission and the process by which you live out that mission.

It’s not about the lifestyle you want or the things you’ll have when you’re “successful.” It has more to do with allowing yourself to be led by the greater vision through your personal links to it — your intuition and inner wisdom.

Vision code: “I live according to a vision guided by my inner wisdom and judgment.”

Now, it’s your turn.

What are your values? And what will you do today to put one (or more) of them into practice?

One small action today makes more of a difference than you probably realize.

Think of each small action as a seed you plant that, as long as you nurture it along the way, grows into a healthy tree with roots and branches, shedding seeds of its own.

Your values are the life in every seed you plant. Choose the best values, and make them part of your blueprint for personal growth.

And may your courage and passion for growth influence everything you do today.

 

~via LiveBoldandBloom.com

DEJAN DAVCEVSKI: “The 3 Best Mental Tools You Already Have That Will Help You Build A Better Life”

Most of us know how we want to live. We know exactly what we need to do, maybe even how, and yet less than 1% of the people are living on their terms. Why is this?

The short answer is that people lack proper education, nobody has told them that there are mental tools they can learn to use, nobody has showed them how.

Just like you need tools to build, for example a house, you need mental tools to build the reality you want to live in.

There are countless mental tools developed by people who were in desperate need of them. These people needed these tools so much that they created them to help themselves.

Before you go out exploring all the existing mental tools, here are the 3 best and most essential ones you will need to create a better life for yourself.

The 3 Best Mental Tools To Build Better Life:


1. The 5 Second Rule.

Most of you know “The 5 Second Rule” to be something that applies to food that you might have dropped. But this is a different rule.

This is a mental tool developed by TV host, author and motivational speaker Mel Robbins and it’s the main thing that helped her rise even higher when she was hitting rock bottom.

This so called “5 Second Rule” is really simple. All it means is that whenever you want, or need, or should do something, count from 5 to 1 and lift off into action.

Mel first started using this mental tool in the mornings, when she felt like not getting out of bed. She started counting 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and on 1, without thinking, she just got up.

The truth is, you will never going to feel like it’s the perfect moment for taking action. However, with this simple tool you will have mental leverage to launch yourself into action.

2. Turn ANTs Into PETs.

So, of course, we are not talking about actual ants. ANT is short for Automatic Negative Thoughts and PET is short for Positive Encouraging Thoughts.

Dr. Daniel G. Amen got the idea when his home was infested with ants. He looked at the real ants and realized that most people have minds that are infested with negative thoughts.

Most of us think the same 90% of the thoughts every day, and most of these thoughts are negative. There are over 20 mental distortions that twist our reality to seem more negative.

There is an easy tool that Dr. Daniel developed, to turn ANTs into PETs, and it’s in a form of asking yourself 5 simple questions whenever you notice a negative thought.

Is the negative thought true? Can I absolutely know that it is true? How do I react when I feel this thought? Who would I be without this thought? What’s the opposite thought?

3. What’s Pulling, What’s Pushing?

If you are like most of us, you have had a dilemma when you didn’t know what to choose between two or more choices. Most of us have such dilemmas daily.

And this is normal. However, most people don’t really know how to choose the best out of all their conflicting options.

There is a simple mental tool you can use, in a form of 2 simple questions that will clarify so many things for you.

Whenever in a dilemma between two choices ask yourself “What’s pulling me in that direction, love or fear, abundance or scarcity?”

Now ask yourself “What’s pushing me in the opposite direction, love or fear, abundance or scarcity?” Choose the options that are inspired by abundance and love.

 

~via LifeCoachCode.com

CONSCIOUS REMINDER: “Leave The Past In The Past, And Start Living In The Now”

A lot of people are living proof of how they can be captured in the claws of the past. Signs which show that you are living in the past are many, but you need to be strong enough to recognize them.

Here are actions you should use in order to live in the present.

1. Don’t escape the moment

Life is a battle, trying not to face with the reality will cause you bigger problems. Facing the fear will hell you to overcome it. After dealing with every issue, you will be stronger as a person, and you will appreciate every minute spent in the present.

2. Embrace your pain

Everything that life serves to us, is served with a reason. You should embrace that and move on. Pain and suffrage are part of life, and we cannot avoid them. They makes us stronger, and enrich us with experience.

3. Ground yourself

No matter what your problem is, you need to stay grounded. In order to achieve this you can go outside, put your arms on tree, focus, and feel the object, analyze what you are hearing and feeling. You are here now, and there is no other place that you need to be.

4. Project a better future

What you are surviving now, will make you a stronger and smarter person. You deserve a better future, so with new experiences you are capable enough, to reconstruct your project for your future. Don’t be anxious, make your dreams become reality.

5. Remember what didn’t go wrong

Experience is the best thing that you can get from your past. Learn from the mistakes, and try not to copy them in the present. Think before you act, and you will build your life as if it was an empire.

6. Welcome new joys

You need to get free from the claws of the past, and let happiness to enter in your soul. You should give yourself another chance, and move on with your life. Live your life fully, for yourself and for the people around you.

7. Make necessary changes

Changes will make you to stay in present, not to lose yourself, and to stay focused. Eliminate the fear from new things, change your job, your home, meet new friends. Break the monotony down.

Once you do this, you will see how all of the pieces in your life are getting into their place. And it is really satisfying to watch, believe me.

 

~via ConsciousReminder.com

NEZEL PADAYHAG: “10 Tips How To Become The Best Person That You Can Be”

We all have bigger potential within us than we think we have. We can be and do much, much more. We can influence the world on a much bigger scale.

Success in all areas of life depends largely on how you carry yourself. Whether you want to be the best lover or worker, you can’t become one without having to work for it.

You need to be the best that you can be before you can attract the best things and the best people to come your way.

You need to be aware, though, that becoming your best self doesn’t mean things will flow smoothly in your life. You may still encounter hardships along the way.

Yet, these things are easy to handle when you have become the best version of yourself. The suggestions below will help you become one.

10 Tips How To Become The Best Person:

1. Love yourself the way you want to be loved.

There is no one in the world who can provide you the love that you need except your own self. You alone know yourself inside out, including your strengths, weaknesses, failures, successes, and quirkiness.

If you can love yourself despite some of the things that you hate in yourself, then it would be easier for others to love you the same.

In the same way, you can’t love others for who they truly are if you can’t love yourself for who you really are. Make it a point to love yourself genuinely and be energetically vibrant.

2. Go deeper and discover the beauty within you.

As Aristotle pointed out, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” It’s because while growing up, we have been conditioned to believe we need to become someone else.

Seeing yourself other than who you really are may block you from seeing your true beauty.

You are a divine being destined to spark. But you can’t see yourself this way unless you connect to yourself much more deeply.

3. Accept your own uniqueness.

Avoid the pitfall of comparing yourselves with others. You have your own journey and have a different path to take.

Don’t be afraid to express your unique self because that is who you are. You don’t need approval or validation.

Follow your own unfolding and focus on your unique gifts. You alone carry the kind of gift you are intended to share with the world.

4. Forgive and heal yourself.

Carrying grudges decreases your life force. Forgive others even if they don’t ask for it. Forgive yourself too.

Healing begins with the act of forgiveness. When you forgive, you free yourself and heal yourself from all the pains that you may have accumulated for so long.

Once freed, you begin to gain access to your life force.

5. Be aware of your inner critic.

Most often, your inner critic is your worst critic, telling you to be more than what you can be. Don’t fight this inner critic because you will only waste your energy.

Instead, be more compassionate with yourself.

When this critic speaks tell yourself how much you love yourself for all that you are. Love conquers all, your inner critic included.

6. Follow your gut feeling.

Learn to honor your gut feeling or intuition.

Most often, it carries the answers to your questions and serves as a guide in making important decisions.

Your intuition is your inner knowing that only wants the best for you.

7. Practice meditation.

A regular practice of meditation goes a long way.

Meditating for at least 15 to 20 minutes a day is enough to calm your mind, free you from stress, and enhance your well being.

It’s also a great means of connecting with your inner being.

8. Honor your body.

Your body is your physical manifestation in this world. It’s how others connect to you on a physical level.

When it’s in good shape, your connections outside and inside can go smoothly.

Give it the self care that it needs. Feed it with nourishing food, get enough rest, and do physical exercises.

9. Design your best life.

You have in your capacity the full power to design your life the way that inspires you to wake up every morning with vigor and excitement.

You can create a unique living that suits your special needs.

It’s the kind of life that may not be the ideal one in the world’s standards, but one where love prospers and where you can be absolutely happy.

10. Strive to make a difference in your small part of the world.

Wherever you are, you can make a difference in your own unique way.

Your contribution may be small, but giving all your best to the world can create ripples that will ultimately touch the lives of more people than you could expect.

Even becoming the best person that you can be is enough to create a spark in the hearts of others that you may come into contact with.

Remember, the greatest person you are to meet in this world is still within you. Awaken that person and be the best that you can be.

 

~via LifeCoachCode.com

DEJAN DAVCEVSKI: “3 Things To Do This August To Be A Better Version Of Yourself”

The past month we focused more on reconnecting with yourself but we didn’t say how important nurturing yourself is.

This month we will be doing exactly this. We will learn how to nurture and take care of ourselves, our needs and our emotions.

As we heal past trauma and inner wounds it’s important to create moments for yourself when you take a break, recharge and care for your needs.

This journey of becoming our best selves is not all about overcoming obstacles, facing wounds and being persistent without taking a look at ourselves.

It is crucial to take a moment and show loving care for ourselves. It is crucial to cater to our own needs because after all, we are human beings.

Yes we can crawl through everything, but it’s dishonorable to not reward yourself for everything you went through. So here is what we say you should do.

3 Things To Do This August To Be A Better Version Of Yourself:

1. Find what your essential unmet needs are and fulfill them.

We all have personal needs and desires. However, as we try to live up to society’s standards we tend to push these needs and desires away. But this is turning your back on yourself. If you need to take a day off, take it. Find what are your essential needs that you have left unmet and fulfill them for yourself. You can be imperfect and irresponsible for a day as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. What do you need for yourself? Find out and meet your needs.

2. Let your emotions be free and accept them without judgment.

We tend to try and control our emotions. But all that we do is control our actions while suppressing our emotions. We cannot actually control an emotion, just as we cannot control the words that we read. We can control the actions we take based on those emotions, the message we understand and the lesson we learn, but we cannot control the emotion itself. Thinking that we control our emotions means we label them as right or wrong and put the wrong ones aside, somewhere within us. This is not just turning our back on ourselves, but we also fail to hear the message the emotion has to tell us. So this month let the emotions you’ve been suppressing within you free. Accept them as what they are and stop trying to control or change them. Stop resisting them. Dive into them. Feel them. See what they say to you. Do not judge them as neither emotion is bad by itself. Fully embrace them and love them. Stop being afraid of them as they cannot harm you. As you do this you will realize that these bottled up emotions will fade much quicker than you imagined. But you will also realize the messages they tell you are one of the most important and insightful lessons you can learn about yourself.

3. Go on a vacation or at least take spa day.

All of us need a vacation. Some say make your life like a vacation but you will need a vacation from such life too. It doesn’t matter how you live, taking time off from your regular activities, changing your environment and lifestyle is a need for everyone. It’s something we all need to recharge our batteries from the mundane everyday life. Just like a muscle needs a day off when you exercise it, you need a vacation to refresh and realign. If you are not in a position to take a 10 or 7 day vacation at least take a day off and go to the spa. Nurture your body, mind, spirit and heart. Whatever you do, just take a day for yourself with intent to show kindness and care, to recharge and to produce some feel good emotions. And not just one day, do one nurturing thing per day and see how you feel.

 

~via LifeCoachCode.com

NEZEL PADAYHAG: “5 Types Of Fear That Are The Opportunities To A Positive Change In Your Life”

Considered to be an emotional response triggered by an imminent threat, our fear is the greatest challenge we all need to face and overcome in our life.

If our fear is always being avoided, it will become a monster that locks us up in the dark prison of our minds.

We hide, we run, we act stupidly just to avoid fear. And the more we resist it the bigger monster we create of it.

The truth is, fear has full control of us because we don’t live in the present moment, but in our mind, and in our mind fear can be anything.

Fear is a protective program, it’s not against you. But if we let fear to make the decisions for us it will protect us to the point where we find ourselves locked within our own prison.

Behind every fear there is a truth that needs to come out into the open. Every kind of fear is just a door that hides some truth inside.

Once you find the courage to open what’s hidden inside, you will find the biggest opportunities for growth and evolution in your life.

There are different types of fear. We are affected by different type of fear at different points in our life depending on what we need most for growth and what holds us back.

Here are the 5 most common fears that are disguises for big opportunities. Find the one that has the biggest effect on you right now and see what kind of truth it’s within.

5 Types Of Fear That Are The Opportunities To A Positive Change

1. The fear of change.

You’re afraid of change because familiarity breeds comfort. Like a child who doesn’t want to lose sight of his mother on the first day of school, you don’t want to get out of your comfort zone because it’s where you feel protected and secure.

But as you grow older and start to see the world, you realize how small your awareness had been.

Had you not let go of the sight of your mother, you would not have known another world that is open for you to explore.

If you’re afraid of change, you deprive yourself of growing, evolving, and of testing your limits. The fear of change keeps you locked up in an unhappy place, be it a toxic relationship or unfulfilling career.

This fear is an opportunity to accept the inevitability of change and proactively step out of your comfort zone and grow. It highlights the limits of your comfort zone so you will know where growth and evolution begin.

2. The fear of being alone.

Most often, the fear of being alone is prompted by your own feelings of insecurity. You don’t feel secure with yourself because you feel you’re not good enough on your own.

You have been used to relying on other people for your security and happiness. Dependence isn’t the same with sharing and working together.

Being separated from your mother as early as infancy makes you feel disconnected. As a child, you have an unmet need that needs fulfillment.

But as you grow up you can take care of yourself. This dependency, if not overcome, creates a fear of being alone.

And ironically, if you do not spend time alone you cannot prove to yourself that you can be just fine by yourself, hence, you cannot overcome this illusion of dependency.

If being alone is one of your fears, it only means you need to work on your self confidence and self worth.

Once you’re confident to spend time being alone, without feeling less, you will find your own self worth. You will begin to see that a lot of people are like family.

Look into this fear and provide comfort to your inner child. It’s one way of healing yourself from this fear.

This fear is an opportunity for you to become self sufficient and independent. It highlights all the things you think you cannot do by yourself. Look at these things and do them by yourself. Each activity will reveal more of your self worth.

3. The fear of standing for your own truth.

Being conditioned to get validity from others for every word that you say leads you to be afraid of standing for your own truth.

Even if you know your idea is much, much better than that of the common belief, you refuse to speak thinking others might disagree.

This fear might have started in your childhood when you experienced bullying or when you were ridiculed by your immediate family or caregivers for saying your truth.

As a result, you guard yourself against anything that doesn’t feel comfortable, hiding your true self.

But your truth is a gift not anyone possesses. No one can see things the way you do. When you follow your own truth, you attract like minded people who want to live freely like you.

The way to get out of the cocoon you have built for yourself is to open up and be your genuine self.

This fear is an opportunity for you to be and express more of yourself. It highlights where you are incongruent in your reality. Use this knowledge to tell your truth and your reality will reshape with things you love and resonate with.

4. The fear of trying.

You’re afraid to try because of the possibility of failing, or succeeding, which is what terrifies us the most.

It’s normal to fail. Only a few endeavors succeeded with the first try. Most successes passed through the bridge of failures. And we think we want to succeed.

But most often, we are terrified of both of them. In fact, we are afraid of trying because it means we will face reality and it’s either not the way we think it is, or it is and we are right.

Either we are wrong and we cannot fantasize anymore, or we are right and we might get the results we want and they are disappointing in reality.

In both cases, we cannot fantasize about our results. We face reality and we either fail or see it’s not like we fantasized.

The fear of trying comes from loving our fantasy for the result more than the result itself. But reality is better than fantasy, even if it’s not exactly how we fantasized it.

This fear is an opportunity for you get what you want to get. It highlights the things that really matter to you. Use this fear to see the things you really want to get, however, let go of fantasizing and try to actually get them.

5. The fear of rejection.

The fear of rejection has something to do with being afraid of not being good enough. It’s how society conditioned us to feel.

But if you’re able to tweak your mindset a bit you’ll see that rejection only means something better is within you and you are not showing it.

If you believe your lack of certain skills caused you to get rejected, then do something to improve those skills.

If you are scared of being rejected because you doubt you are good enough, open yourself to rejection.

In both cases you will improve yourself to be the best version of yourself. The point of this is the realization that the rejection has nothing to do with who you really are.

If you get rejected it has nothing to do with the real you. We are all good enough, but thinking that some outside factor can validate us makes us not good enough.

Open yourself to these things and be rejected, you’ll either see all the skills you want to improve or you’ll see they were never really a factor to tell your worth.

This fear is an opportunity for you to become the best version of you. It highlights all the things keeping you from becoming your best self. You do this with giving your power away to them by seeking validation. You decide your own worth.

 

~via LifeCoachCode.com

CHRYSILLA LEWIES: “Forgetful Lately? Here’s The Surprising Reason Why!”

Do you feel like you are losing your mind, forgetting simple details? Rest assured you’re not, it’s actually one of the ascension symptoms we are all currently experiencing.

You can’t seem to remember what someone told you yesterday or maybe it just feels like your mind is becoming a sieve. You start thinking that you might need Memory supplements, your friends suggest reading more to challenge your mind to keep it active; and It’s true, we all need to use our muscles to keep them healthy. The brain is a muscle, but we don’t seem to use it as much as we use to. Let’s face it, technology has taken over a lot of problem solving tasks, but this is not the reason we are losing our memory, it is actually the complete opposite.

Our consciousness is gradually splitting away from the physical world and we no longer need to rely on our physical mind as much as we have done in the past. We are moving into higher states of consciousness and moving into the era of knowingness.

Forgetful Lately? Here’s The Surprising Reason WHY!

There is no better time than the present to practice to trust your internal guidance and to follow your intuition. By sitting in quiet meditation and getting to know how the real YOU feel — your essence as a pure energy being. You will find the balance between the heart and mind as you become more aware of the changes happening within you. You will start to notice how your feelings are pulling you into the direction you are meant to be going. These thoughts might be as subtle as:

  • “I knew I should have taken that exit on the motorway!”
  • “I got a feeling that I should have taken different route home, but didn’t”, or
  • “I don’t think I should go to this event, something doesn’t feel right.”

When living in your thinking mind and you are analyzing every decision you make or would like to make — will lead you to miss crucial opportunities. If you do, it might lead you to look at something and instinctively where you will know that something might happen before it actually does. You may get a feeling of knowingness and you get the opportunity to follow and trust your intuition. But do you?

When you are consciously thinking, you can feel the mind as it is working, analyzing and compartmentalizing. Sometimes you get home after a long day at work and you are tired, but not because of the physical work but the mental thinking you have been doing. Moving into the era of knowingness, your mind will no longer have to work as hard. Your mind feels empty and it feels like you’re not retaining as much information as you used to. Think of it as you storing the information in ‘The Cloud’.

The knowingness will come to you in a manner where you will be able to automatically read a person by just being in their auric field or connecting to them through thought. You may experience having a knowingness of what they are feeling without being in their presence. You may be so connected to someone that you will immediately know when something is wrong, and you will be guided to pick up the phone and call them.

The key is to Trust.

Enhance your natural abilities through practicing psychometry, meditation and or any other techniques that will allow you to use your senses more, instead of your mind.

Intuition Group Exercise

One person should draw shapes of all kinds on different pieces of paper.

Shuffle them and then give one to each member in you group.

No one will know what was drawn but you.

Take turns, and tune into one drawing.

Guess by describing what you see.

A minimum of two can participate and an ideal group size of 6.

 

Have Fun!

 

 

~via In5D.com

MANIFESTING MARIA: “Manifesting Self-Reflection”

“Self-reflection is the capacity to exercise introspection and the willingness of humans to examine their fundamental nature, conscious thoughts and feelings, in order to learn more about their purpose and soul essence. It causes us to ask ourselves who we are, why we are, who we want to be and how we can be better.”

~Maria Palmeri

 

I don’t know about you, but just “being” isn’t enough for me. One of my core values is intentional growth. I have to strive to be my best and true self. To grow, to learn, to evolve, to have pride of character and to touch the lives of others and inspire them to the same. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t always be my best self, I make mistakes. I’m no spiritual snob… but I am always trying to understand myself and my motives so that I can try to manifest my best self and true desires. To do that, I always have to be conscious of who I am and what I’m reflecting.

I was talking with a friend the other day and we were commiserating about “Why are we on this quest of inner healing?” Why are we moved to emotionally twist ourselves up and chase down our demons to be our best selves when we can look around and clearly see that others seem to be comfortable walking around and interacting as their (for lack of a better word) “shitty-shit” selves?!

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. ”

~Lao Tzu

It occurred to me that not everyone has self-reflection skills. Self-reflection is the capacity to exercise introspection and the willingness of humans to examine their fundamental nature, conscious thoughts and feelings, in order to learn more about their purpose and soul essence. It causes us to ask ourselves who we are, why we are, who we want to be and how we can be better.

Why is introspection so important?

It’s easy to get distracted by life, moving from one moment to the next. Too busy doing, reacting, blaming and ultimately delaying the critical thinking necessary to constructively examine our lives. By enhancing our ability to understand ourselves and our motivations, we bring our focus back from outside diversions to ourselves and inner self-growth. Self-reflection is the key to real and lasting, positive self-transformation and personal growth.

We have over 50,000 thoughts per day, over half of which are negative and over 90% of which are just repeats from the day before. Many people get stuck in the cycle of blaming their feelings of failure, unworthiness, or unhappiness on others, while remaining blind to what they do to create and re-create their circumstances. Without awareness, we can change behaviors but we will not manifest the real and lasting transformation that we desire.

“An unexamined life is not worth living.”

~Plato

If we can become experts in self, we can change our wasteful or negative thought patterns into positive, self-transformational thought patterns that benefit our lives, progeny and the collective community.

Resources on self-reflection practice:

87 Self-Reflection Questions:

https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/introspection-self-reflection/#references

The Lost Art of Introspection:

http://expertenough.com/2990/the-lost-art-of-introspection-why-you-must-master-yourself

Do you utilize self-reflection? How has it benefited your life?

Love, Maria

 

 

~via ManifestingMaria.com

MICHAEL FORRESTER: “The Powerful Effect of Heart-Centered Healing”

The Powerful Effect of Heart-Centered Healing.jpg

Every cause of disease first begins with an imbalance in the body’s energy systems, specifically, the interaction between how the heart communicates with the brain and the body.  Fix that and there is no disease, ever.  The heart can produce an electrical field 100 times greater than the brain and a magnetic field 5000 times greater.  Which one are you using to heal?

Emotions are vibrations which influence consistently our reality.  We not only think and work our way through a day, meeting, assignment, but also feel and believe our way through it.  The outcome depends on both.

Simply put, the number one cause of health is your energetic and emotional state.  How you connect emotionally to your overall wellness and wellbeing is more important than any supplement, food, exercise or health treatment.  There is only one cause of disease and that has to do with the energy and frequency imbalances that exist within your body.  Rectify that, and disease cannot exist… it would be impossible.

All the emotions are varieties of two: fear and love.  Fear/stress is contagious and causes contraction: inhibits creativity, brain activity, inhibits the immune system, selective perception and over extensive periods of time leads to breakdown.  Love (positive beliefs and emotions) has high impact and causes expansion: creativity, physical and mental endurance, more productivity in shorter time because we take decisions quicker because we are receptive and highly perceptive.  This a question of Math, HeartMath, as per the contribution in this field of the HeartMath Institute: when one has accurate information, they make better decisions.

The research behind the evolution of HeartMath came from the idea that the body’s emotional response to events do not always occur from “top-down” processing (i.e., the brain sends signals to the heart and other organs, and the body responds accordingly).  Rather, it has now proven that often times our emotional state triggers our heart to send out its own signals to the brain and other organs, and the body then responds accordingly.  For instance, while two-way communication between the cognitive and emotional systems is hard-wired into the brain, the actual number of neural connections going from the emotional centers to the cognitive centers is greater than the number going the other way.  Have you ever: Made a “rash” decision?  Done something dangerous on impulse?  Taken a risk because you believed in it?  This research helps explain the influence emotions have on our ability to think and act.

In fact, researchers at HeartMath have determined that the physiology and nerve centers of the heart are so complex and active, that they constitute a “brain” all on their own, termed a “mini-brain.”  We now know that the heart contains cells that produce and release norepinephrine and dopamine, neurotransmitters once thought to be produced only by the brain and ganglia outside the heart.  Even more remarkable is the discovery that the heart produces oxytocin — the “love hormone” — in concentrations that are as high as those in the brain.

 

7 Simple Actions To Create Positive Feelings

 

1.  Think about the colleagues who helped you today.  Thank them in your heart.  Think about your current assignments.  Know that they will work out well and work from this space

2.  What is it that you would like to have professionally?  A new project?  With whom?  Think about it in detail, be specific and imagine you are already working on it.

3.  Entertain the feeling of celebration that arises in your heart.  From this space take the appropriate actions to make it happen.

4.  Find ways to help your colleagues, or make them feel that you care.  Do one invisible act of kindness per day, or more if you want to.

5Before starting your work day give thanks and envision it the way you want it to be.

6.  When finishing your work day give thanks and clear it of negative emotions (which come out of fear that we know now is illusion) Do not take them at home or preserve for the next day.

7.  Smile.

 

The time of crisis is literally here: there is the fast pace of our world, the assault of too much to do with too little time and resources.  Being in the present moment is just a concept for most of us and has little translation to daily life practice.  Fear is widespread and is polluting us on a very cellular level: hypertension, autoimmune diseases, cancer, infertility, chronic back problems, anxiety, and depression; the list could continue forever.  The difference is how we interpret crisis because we can be at complete peace in the midst of chaos.

Can we live the life we want?  Can we be authentic in our speech?  Can we identify and release our underlying limiting beliefs so that we begin a new commitment towards genuine compassion, abundance, love and connection?  Your commitment will show in your body and intentions.

 

 

~via PreventDisease.com