Where Does Your “Dark Side” Really Come From?
Self-sabotage is a tricky business. Just when your new job or your relationship seems to be going in an amazing direction, negative self-talk may begin to flood your thoughts. Paranoia about criticism from your co-workers or an old ex reappearing back on the scene just won’t stop plaguing you. It’s utterly maddening! What gives?
The simplest way to stop self-sabotaging behaviors is to look deep within to discover the root of your behaviors. When we begin to question if our wonderful new job is really going to be that amazing, or wonder if our partner really loves us as much as we love them, these self-sabotaging thoughts are a direct reflection of our hidden fears of loss and failure and feelings of unworthiness. By anticipating the worst, we may think we’ll divert a crisis when in reality, we’re creating a harmful self-fulling prophecy. While it’s easy to play into old patterns of negative thinking, remember that the only significant person telling you that you don’t deserve love and happiness is you. What other people told you or how they treated you in the past is irrelevant. You are in control of your will, and your self-image shapes the person who you are, not the judgements of others or past mistakes. When you begin to truly love yourself and realize you are worthy of everything you have, your inner self-saboteur will flee the scene.
Harmful Phrases to Avoid Self-Defeat
Without realizing it, the words we speak and the thoughts we project into the Universe have a much greater effect on our energy than we may realize. We can convince ourselves that we’re worthless and poison all positivity with a brigade of self-loathing thoughts in a matter of minutes! However, there is a way out of this trap: watch the words you speak, and keep your thoughts in check. Here are some ‘red alert’ phrases to watch out for:
- “I just feel powerless.” If you believe you’re powerless, how have you come this far? Did someone magically take care of all of your problems for you? Don’t even your most basic achievements, like getting up on time every day, account for your strength? Even if we’re placed in a situation in which we’re at a disadvantage physically, financially or emotionally, we still have the power within to remain grounded. It is only when we lose control of our thoughts, emotions and intentions that we truly become powerless.
- “I don’t know what I’m doing.” When your life feels like it’s collapsing, it’s tempting to say “I just don’t know what I’m doing” or “I’m not sure what to do.” But by uttering these words, you’re sending out a message not only to yourself but also the Universe that you’re a victim of circumstance and helpless to take control over your life and your choices. This will only make your situation increasingly negative.
- “My entire life is horrible!” Seeing things strictly in black and white and believing that one negative incident or relationship serves to define your entire existence only serves to draw negativity into your life. If a horrible situation, a failed relationship or getting fired from your job has caused you great suffering, turn this phrase around and address your feelings for what they are: “XYZ has caused me great pain and suffering – life itself has not, and I can turn my life around.”
- “My feelings got the best of me, I can’t help myself.” Anything along these lines is an immediate red flag that you’re denying responsibility for your emotions. Anger is often the one emotion that can consume us and create devastating consequences in our lives, yet we often feel compelled to blame anger itself instead of taking accountability for our faults! In his book “Be Nobody,” Lama Marut eloquently explains that instead of believing it’s rational to be angry or hateful, express anger toward that afflicted side of yourself that goes into a rage and “…avoid the temptation to give in to the siren song of the afflictions.”